Post # 1
I am genuinely curious to hear the bees, especially the waiting bees thoughts are on proposing to your SO. Have you thought about? If so, why or why would you not propose to your SO? Ever since I joined the boards, I’ve been dying to ask.
Since I think its a bit unfair to ask this question but not give my only experience/thoughts on it. I was waiting for my FI to propose for about a year to 9 months. I knew if he didn’t propose in a year I would just walk away and decide it wasn’t meant to be, no ultimatium, just walk away. The thought of just taking the situation into my own hands and proposing to him crossed my mind. If I wanted to be engaged so badly why didn’t I just propose? I even had a few moments where I got on my feminist high horse and thought about how the women before me fought so I could make the decisions that affected my life. (I choose my choice!, i love that show) Anyway, in the end I didn’t for 3 main reason. 1. I figured my SO would propose when he was ready and I didn’t want to marry someone who felt forced into marriage in any way. 2. My FI is traditional and I knew he would feel robbed of getting to propose. 3. I would never get up the courage to do it.
Post # 3
There was quite a long thread on this same topic several months ago: here.
Basically my feelings are the same as several posters in the other thread: my boyfriend wouldn’t want me to and probably wouldn’t accept a proposal from me (not that he wouldn’t want to commit to marry me). We have a very open relationship, we talk about marriage and our future all the time and have every intention of getting married. I know that it will happen and we don’t have timelines, but even if he didn’t want to get married, I sure as heck wouldn’t walk away because I want to marry him because I want to spend the rest of my life with him.
Post # 4
Thanks @Kirabee. I kept searching for a similar thread and couldn’t find it. I figured there had to be one out there. Also it sounds like you have a really smart head on your shoulders and a great relationship.
Post # 5
I wanted to but he said “Hell NO- that is the man’s responsibility”. So I said OK and never brought it up again
Post # 6
My reasoning was less about taking it away from him. He KNEW I wanted to get married. And he KNEW I would say yes if he asked. And he hadn’t asked yet. So the reason I waited for him to propose is because I was waiting for him to be ready. I figured when he was ready, he would buy a ring and pop the question, and then I would know. I think the guy is often the one who takes longer to get ready, which is why it’s good they usually do the proposing, because then the answer is yes. If I had proposed when I was sure (about a year prior), I’m not sure what his answer would’ve been.
Post # 7
I’ve tried to (mostly in a joking way), and he tells me he will eventually, and that he is the one that is supposed to ask. I know it’s happening in the next couple of months or so, it’s just so hard to wait til then!
Post # 8
FI and I talked about this a few days ago after watching an episode of ‘Married to Rock’. One of the girls bought e-rings and was planning on proposing to her SO. I asked FI what he would have done if I proposed to him and he said he would not have been happy.
Guys are different from girls. When they’re ready to propose, they will. Proposing to them will only make them feel pressure which for some men, is a deal breaker. Women are always ready to get married before men are. Most men feel that proposing is THEIR thing and if you take that away from them, they’re generally not too happy about it. Some would even argue that it makes them feel like less of a man.
I would personally never have proposed to FI but I also knew that he would eventually do it on his own. Besides, being proposed to is like the best feeling ever and I wanted to experience that!
Post # 9
I agree with posters on the other thread. I think most guys aren’t ready until they pop the question. I know some of my guy friends certainly weren’t ready before they did.
Also, I’m terribly klutzy. I also spoil surprises because I get so excited.
Post # 10
I would have, but after having one of those weddingy type chats, I was told that he wanted the privilege *le sigh*. Back to waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiting, haha
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
We’ve talked about it before but he is really excited about proposing and has it all planned out. He has his ideal proposal in his head and I don’t want to take that from him. Even though I hate waiting, I’m excited for the proposal that he’s spent so long dreaming up (:
Post # 12
I think he will propose when he’s ready and I don’t want to put too much pressure on him in that way (okay a little pressure maybe).
Post # 13
In essence I feel like I’m proposing to him everytime we talk about marriage and plan our future together. I’m making sure we’re on the same page and that’s my input on the whole situation.
Some couples are not traditional but we are, I did my part, he knows where I stand, now the onus is on him to solidify this commitment. In the end I think its all about knowing your man, and why he hasn’t propose yet. Some men are just genuinely not ready, some are waiting for the right moment and some are just too comfortable with everyday life that the thought has not cross their minds that they need to get off their butt and step it up. While proposing yourself might work on the third type of man, its just pressuring or ruining the moment on the first two.