(Closed) Why offer to help the bride if you have no intentions on helping?!?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

THANK YOU! I feel the same way! Future Mother-In-Law begged me to give her a list of things to do and things that need to be bought. So I did. She decided not to do anything!

Its fine if people don’t want to help, but don’t come to me saying you want to. I’d rather you just keep your mouth shut! I think when people know you’re planning a wedding, they don’t know what else to say besides “how’s the wedding planning?” and “If you need help, let me know!”

Post # 4
9552 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Garg! Want me to come over and kick them all? I don’t think people do it on purpose, most have good intentions, but it can be annoying!

Post # 5
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Some people just offer to help with good intentions but dont actually expect to really be asked to do anything. I think its a normal part of any event planning.

Post # 6
5242 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would be super annoyed that none of them even bothered to respond even if the answer was no they stil could have responded to you. How rude!

Post # 8
46264 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Some people do offer to help just to sound like the people we want them to be.

It depends on when you sent this email. If it is considered last minute by them, and they already have plans for the weekend and are uncomfortable responding “no” , they may be avoiding answering your email.

Post # 9
10714 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m scared to ask anyone for help… I asked them to buy their dresses months ago and I ended up buying one and 2 of my girls got theirs this week and my other sister won’t even return my calls about buying hers… If I asked for help they would probably think I’m asking the world of them lol.

Post # 10
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

To play devil’s advocate, I’d say maybe it’s the late notice.  I know I would feel kinda bad/awkward if I offered (generally) to help someone and then when they asked me to help to be like, no I can’t because I have weekend plans.  Usually my weekend plans are pretty set during the week.

Post # 11
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

It’s kind of rude that they didn’t even respond at all. I would text them again and ask if anyone actually got the TM lol.

Post # 12
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Well, for what it’s worth, I would have said yes even to the drudgery of stamping invitations in exchange for dinner and wine 🙂 There’s not much I WOULDN’T do if it meant someone else was feeding and boozing me!

Post # 14
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I totally know what you are going through. My bridesmaids have complained that they do not feel included as well. I finally asked one of them do help me out and go check out this hotel for me (I live in NC and am getting married is WA). The hotel is, no joke, 1 mile from my bridesmaids work. She said she would go, we agreed on an appt time, I made the appt. Then the hotel lady called and said she never came and didn’t answer her phone when the hotel called or return the message. I asked my friend about it and she won’t answer as to why she never went. She didn’t even apologize for missing it. At this point I would rather do things myself at least I know they will get done. My Future Mother-In-Law also complained to my fiance about not getting to be involved. I asked her if she wanted to help and she told me that she had not interest in helping! At this point I will just do everything solo, it appears to be much easier!

Post # 15
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

(Disclaimer: I didn’t have a wedding party. I have been in multiple weddings.)

I think many BMs like the “idea” of helping, but not the actual work. They’ve said all the right things, in their minds — offers to help, asking you how projects are going, acting offended that they weren’t included — but frankly, actions speak louder than words.

Also, maybe by “help” they really meant “give input and sway the bride to their opinion by looking at gowns or eating cake”? In other words, they were associating helping with only the “fun” stuff, not the real lick-stamp-repeat that we all know comes part and parcel with planning an event. How many of them have been brides recently?

I’ve stated before that I don’t think BMs should be required to do more than show up, but in polite society, an offer to help is an offer to help. They offered, so they should help!

I hope you get your invites all set — drink the wine you would’ve poured for them, pop in the SATC movie, and crank out those envelopes! 😀

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