Post # 1
Does anyone else have a FI who keeps casually inviting people to the wedding in person, without consulting with you?! It is driving me nuts! I keep asking him to please not discuss the wedding or tell people they should come until we have finalized the guestlist and know for sure there is room for them.
Well I just came home and my FI has informed me that he forgot he had asked 3 people from his work! Well 3 people and their significant others! Apparantly he asked them a few months ago and forgot to mention it until now.
I’m finalizing the list and getting numbers and budget figured out and I do not want to invite these people. First of all, we’re already over budget. And 2nd, he barely even sees or talks to these people now.
So my question to the hive is, do I need to invite these people because my FI informally already did a few months ago? Two of them are his buddies from work that he hasn’t seen in months or really even talked to… I personally don’t think it’s a big deal to not invite them.
The one that I think we might be stuck inviting is FI’s supervisor. He’s in the military and invited one of the higher up people (don’t know his title) that has been a role model and been supportive of him. He said that he told him not to worry about inviting him and his wife if it wasn’t in the budget (probably because he realized how rediculous it was for FI to just invite him in person without talking to me!! lol) but I’m worried that it would look bad because he is a boss to my FI.
So please help me figure this out!
Post # 3
If you can get away with not inviting his two buddies, then I would go ahead and invite his boss. It’s only two people and it shows respect for someone who has helped him in his career. Trust me, there will be at least two people who tell you they’re coming right up to the day of the wedding, and then for some reason can’t/don’t show. 🙂
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2011 - Sweet ceremony by the sea and sunset celebration on the North Shore of Hawaii
OMG, our FI’s should be friends. It’s kind of insane, but the poor guy thinks we invited them in the first place *sigh* we’ve stopped the problem by me printing out a copy of the guest list for him to have in plain sight in his home office. Now he knows exactly who got an invitation. I think inviting his boss would be a nice gesture but the buddies he barely sees? Don’t sweat it. Hope that helps!
Post # 5
I can relate. When we made the guest list, he couldn’t care less and actually fell asleep while his mom and I worked it out. So he does not know who is or isn’t on our guest list. Now, not only does he spread the word without discussing it with me first, but he also feels uncomfortable when someone tells him they really want to come to our wedding. So he just tells them they’re invited! Then he comes home and tells me “Btw, I ran into this guy I know from middle school. He said really wants to come to our wedding, so we have to send him an invitation.” Uhm, no hun, we don’t!
In you situation, I would also say yes to the supervisor, but ‘forget’ the other guys. If they ask, let him tell them that he didn’t know what the budget was when he mentioned it to them and that he realized you needed to keep the guest list smaller than he thought.
Post # 6
I can totally relate, too. FI doesn’t know what to do when people invite themselves, so he just lets them :/. Boys need to be taught how to handle guest lists.
Post # 7
Ooooh, I’m the one who keeps adding to OUR guestlist. Ooops! LOL! Well, I haven’t since we’re at 69 (who doesn’t like that number? *wink wink nudge nudge*)
Seriously, though, I’d invite the superior since he’s been there for your FI and it would be a nice gesture. Besides, no need to burn bridges, right? 😉 As for the ones he rarely sees, meh, put them on the “b” list and claim it got lost in the mail. 😉 (evil, yes, I am! LOL!)
good luck! sorry you’re gotta deal with this!
Post # 8
Wow. I kind of wish FI was like that!! I have to hound everyday about “who are you inviting from work?!” and I keep getting “I don’t know..I’m still thinking about it”. Newsflash, big boy! Invites are already in mailboxes so I guess you’re not inviting anyone! Lol
@Zinzerena: I’m the one who keeps adding to the list, too! Lol
Post # 9
FH actually added a groomsman without talking to me first. He asked if it was ok in front of him, of course I had no problem with it as he is a dear friend, but I was really put on the spot. And he keeps inviting guys he works with, we only have so many seats and no more, ugh, I still don’t know how to stop him.
Post # 10
I just got engaged on Tuesday and this is already happening to me! He came home thursday after work and said he told everyone at work he proposed and i sais yes. And that he invited his bosses to the wedding. Haha. Really? We are planning on getting married in october 2012. Thats a heck of a long way away. If he’s already starting this I’m really concerned about closer to the wedding!
Post # 11
Ummm ya. I hope my friends don’t mind that I’ll already have changed my name before they realize that I’m married and there will be no long-awaited bachelorette in Vegas. Sorry to anyone planning to attend!!!!
Post # 12
Oh, man, my FI wants to invite eeeeveryone from his work too…this is silly! I think he should just invite his boss…
Post # 13
YES!!! And when I get upset, he gets upset back exclaiming they they really needed to be on the list in the first place and I reply with “the list you checked three times”?! Man it is so frusterating!
Post # 14
Haha, yes, my husband would feel horrible about not being able to invite everyone he knew and kept wanting to add more people. He knows a lot more people than I do, too! But eventually he understood.. he still felt bad though.