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Sorry, I know this isn't about weddings, but I wanted to post this blog I wrote about the fact that Oprah recently told viewers on national television that because of the recession, they shouldn't feel guilty tipping waitresses just 10 percent, instead of 15-20. I was so indignant, that I wrote this letter and sent it to her studio.

Dear Oprah,

How to begin … I grew up admiring your charity, your hard work to become what you are, your sympathy toward the less fortunate. When I dreamed of becoming a journalist someday, the dream was to work for Oprah magazine, so I too could help others, especially women.  I have even written you several letters over the years pleading for a job, even if it meant just getting coffee for the "important people.”  Every time I rose to more and more important positions, I applied yet again, thinking/hoping that my latest experience would make the difference. I never took it personally when I never heard back – I know you get lots of letters from people with bigger problems than my silly dream, and I knew it was a tall request to fulfill.

In just one day, however, my whole opinion of you changed. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing that you actually told the public (so many of whom hold you in as high of an esteem as I once did and take your advice to heart) that because of the recession it is now acceptable to tip waitresses 10 percent? I’m sorry, but, with all due respect, who the he*l are you???

I know it’s a strong reaction, but I’ll tell you why you are getting it. First, you could not be more off base in your stance on this. Do you seriously think tipping waitresses less money is a way to help people to survive the recession? Did it not cross your mind that the recession is affecting waitresses as much as it is anyone else? Did you consider that restaurants are suffering because fewer people have money to go out to eat, and waitresses have fewer customers, i.e. fewer tips at the end of the night, not to mention what they tip out the bar, food runner, hostess and bus people? Then how about the fact that we LIVE off those tips, because they are all we have left after taxes eat up our ENTIRE $2.25 an hour paychecks? And how much money do you think we normally make in tips that WE can afford a 50% pay cut?

I’ll tell you personally that New York unemployment pays more than waitressing full time, and I’m a GOOD waitress! Most people don’t even tip 20% as it is, and you are encouraging them to tip less!!? If people are so poor, they should stay home and cook like my husband and I do! Ramen, Eggs, Mac & Cheese, Hamburger help and fast food all taste great, and they’re cheap, not to mention probably healthier than half the butter-soaked red meat you get at restaurants! If someone can’t afford to tip a respectable 15-20% they should not go out, it’s part of the cost. I’m sick of seeing couples thinking nothing of ordering their top shelf Grey Goose Martinis, shrimp and lobster appetizers and filet mignon entrees and not finding money to tip 15 percent, even in instances where I have gone so far as to clean the salad dressing they spilled on themselves off their shoes with soda water.

Finally, who are YOU to decide what someone else should get paid for running their butts off in a very physically and mentally demanding job! And yes, it’s hard to remember every little extra lemon or cup of ice each table asks you for as you walk by – forget one and forget your tip! Rarely do I forget so much as an extra bread plate, and still get a 15-20 percent tip. I even had someone go so far as to stiff me entirely because their table light bulb burned out and didn’t get replaced fast enough – the light was for ambience only – I don’t control the lights!< In that case, I literally served that person for free and it happens all the time. UGH! I want to yell from the roof tops how wrong you are.

Finally, I’ll give you my personal story, further enforcing just how ridiculous it is to advise people to use the recession as an excuse to tip cheaply. I am waitressing BECAUSE I was laid off from my fancy Senior Editor job AS A RESULT OF the recession. I'm already down to less than 1/4 of my old salary because of the recession, so why don't you kick me more while I'm down? I can’t find another job in my profession because there are just too many people EXACTLY like me, but with ten more years experience competing for the same entry-level editor jobs. So what am I doing? I’m waitressing, and I’m doing it even knowing I’d make more staying home and mooching off the government on my unemployment. I let the government keep its money and LOSE money every shift I work out of nothing more than respect for myself and our country, and now thanks to you I’ll be losing SO much, I might be FORCED to go back on unemployment.

So I DARE YOU to tell me how this is HELPING us get out of the recession? No … it’s having the opposite effect, and I hope you are freakin’ proud. You claim to represent the middle class, but waitresses are LOWER middle class, and you chose to punish us – people you have made a living and a fortune claiming to empathize with and help – so that you can say what people who can actually afford to go out want to hear. I’m completely disgusted, and you should be ashamed.

Thoughts, comments, anyone?

Yeah, I have never been a fan of Oprah. Urgh. I cannot believe she said that. My husband worked/works as a server in a bar and seriously, the stories he comes back with. I tip 15% - 20% and more than that if the service is exceptional. Anything less is tacky. If you cannot afford to tip, you cannot afford to go out. It is as simple as that. You can always tell what kind of a person a person is by the way they treat people they don't need to treat well. Even when I arranged dinners and functions for oraganizations in college, I always tell them to tip the server above and beyond. You are representing your organization and yourself. Urgh.

I completely agree that that is totally outrageous.  That's why Rachel Ray's $40 a day used to drive me totally nuts:  she would get by on $40 by screwing the server!  She'd like, order water and give them pennies.  In my days as a server, we'd say, "if you can't fold it, hold it!"  Meaning: don't give change as a tip!  And yes, everyone who is eating out can afford 20%.  Even if you think 15% is the norm, give 20%.  They need it.

@eloping, maybe things are different in Australia, but I do hope that if you are ever in the U.S. you tip your waitress 15-20 percent. THAT is the standard. Like others have mentioned, our paychecks are $0 and usually that means we OWE the government money at the end of the year just to cover taxes.

Plus its mandatory for us to tip out the bar who makes our drinks, the hostess who seats the guests, the food runner if we have one, and the bus people to clean the tables, even if we don't want ANY of those people working for us because we'd rather do it ourselves. Thats how restaurants get away with paying THOSE PEOPLE so little as well ... giving them OUR tips!

So until the government decides that waitresses should function on an annual and reasonable salary instead of the "optional" extra cash given by the patron, you are 100 percent taking advantage of the person who brought your meal by not tipping the appropriate amount. They litterally just served you, and ran their butts off for you for nothing.

@kjpugs, ugh, I hate the VERBAL tip! I got an entire speech the other day about what a wonderful waitress I was from a table of seven. They all ordered water and cheap meals and ate for $120. They left me $15 on the check because people like freakin Oprah say that's okay.

Oh and I thought I'd add a little math here. You go out to eat and your check is $25 ... you tip 10 percert = $2.50. All night I have a total of ten tables with $25 checks, I make a grand total of $25, then take out the 20% for the bar and hostess, plus $5 for the runner and I would make around $15 that night. $15 for 6 hours of work because Oprah says 10 percent is okay. Are you serious?