Why spread news of engagement after I asked her not to…?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It’s your engagement, you have every right to ask that she not share the news.  It is a little odd that she pushed the issue so much, like why in the world does she care so much about telling him? Based on what you wrote, it sounds like she could just be a gossip queen and wanting to be in the middle of stuff.  I’d certainly ask why she felt the need to be dishonest with you about her relationship with P and your ex. Also, a little weird.


Post # 4
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@tattiibee:  Part of them things she’s doing this to live vicariously through you as she is not yet engaged.

However in the future I would refraim from telling her anything else personal.

Post # 5
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

People get excited when they have “news,” especially when they perceive it as something exciting that they’d like to have in their lives.

I.E. My FMIL is sort of a gossip (but cute about it), and she alerted as many of her friends as she could before we got engaged that FI was going to propose. It was a bit strange (we found out after he asked and people already knew) but not really a surprise.

If you didn’t want anyone to know, then you shouldn’t really tell anyone. :

Post # 6
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Once someone has information about your life, I think it’s difficult to make them keep it to themselves.

From where I’m standing though, it really doesn’t seem like a huge deal?  Your ex will find out that you’re engaged.  Unless you want to tell him yourself, I don’t understand why you would try to keep the information from him.  Engagements are a pretty public thing.

That said, I absolutely do understand being irked at other people choosing to share your news (even if you can’t do anything about it).  I had a couple of friends in my graduating class who never bothered to contact me about my engagement (not even a facebook “like”) but had no trouble discussing it amoungst themselves and spreading the news to people who I hadn’t told yet.

Post # 7
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I don’t understand why it’s so important that P doesn’t know. 

He’ll tell your ex, and unless the news of your engagement is likely to turn your ex into a crazy stalker, then I don’t see why it’s important that he doesn’t find out.  

I think you’re making a big deal over nothing. 

Post # 8
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@tattiibee:  Okay so I was already sort of think this before you typed it:

One of my friends thinks that she is just trying to rain on my parade a little bit because she’s frustrated about her boyfriend not proposing to her (they’ve been together for two years while my fiance and I have been together for just over a year).


I’ve been totally flamed for admitting this before…But I know because I’ve been there.  When you are dating someone for a long time, and then all of the sudden your SO’s brother proposes to a GF he’s been dating less, well, it’s frustrating. EVEN more so if you were told by your SO that it was going to happen soon.  UGH!! 

That’s why I’m kind of thinking she is trying to maybe rain on your parade a bit.  Also…she is probably trying to stir the pot a bit.  You are HAPPY.  You are ENGAGED.  She is not.  And she probably is a little hopeful that she will tell your ex’s best friend, he will in turn text this guy and let him know whats up, and it could cause problems for you/your relationship. Why?  Because she wants you to be on her level.

But don’t let this get you! I would instead take the high road.  At this point…the fact that you’ve told/asked nicely to NOT tell him doesn’t really mean anything.  It probably means she’s going to tell this guy and then she’s going to say that you didn’t want to tell him.  UGH. 

All you can do now is let it go and just not let it bother you!

PS:  WELCOME TO THE HIVE!!  and Congrats on your engagement!!!  This is a happy time for you indeed, don’t let drah-mah get you down!!

Post # 9
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@tattiibee:  Two things:

First, I totally get how upset you are at asking not to share information she is blantantly ignoring. Did she end up telling him? If so, I would really have a sit down and state how angry you are she completely desregarded your answer.

But two… why are you making her telling P such a big deal? Whats wrong with your ex knowing? While I get she is wrong pushing the issue, it also seems to me you are overreacting about it. Does he not have facebook? I’m sure at some point he may find out, and then what, will you be upset? I’m just so confused why you are so intent on him not knowing

Post # 10
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Hi @tattiibee: First and foremost, as this is your DEBUT post on WBee… a BIG Welcome to “the Hive”

Ok onto the issue at hand…

I GET why you are irked… you asked someone nicely… and then they went out of their way to put it back on you … just calling to tell you they won’t be honouring your request.

This is DISRESPECTFUL (not to mention childish… na-na-na-na-na look what I know and I’m going to tell)

BOTH elements makes her UNTRUSTWORTHY, and not a reliable friend (if a friend at all)

Make a mental note.

In reality you cannot control the info they have in their possession and who they choose to share it with (to be honest P would have found out eventually)

In the future, you need to use that mental note you’ve made, to EXCLUDE this girl from your inner circle of any personal info, as she has shown she is not to be trusted.

She is not a friend.  She is a royal PITA, and needs to be treated accordingly.



Post # 11
1535 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I don’t think it’s her right to tell is you told her not to say anything, but i don’t know why it’s a big deal. I don’t care who knows or doesn’t know about my engagement

Post # 12
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Lovemelovemyhorses:  +1 I don’t understand why you care so much that P doesn’t find out. Secondly, why does she care so much that P does find out? I think this whole situation has been blown out of proportion!

Post # 13
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@tattiibee:  Does he know that she has that connection to you? I think it is super weird that she is insisting on telling him, and it would be pretty obnoxious of her to broach the subject, but if he is aware that she knows you and were to ask what you were up to, it might be awkward for her to have to be evasive. He is going to eventually find out from somebody. Honestly, you’ve said your piece to her, and I don’t really think it’s worth pushing the subject further. If she brings it up, that sucks, but it’s probably better not to turn it into some huge drama.

Post # 14
876 posts
Busy bee

Well, Mary, I don’t really care for you to tell people because it isn’t your news to tell. But of course, you’re free to do as you like. Take care.

And then keep this girl at arm’s length and don’t give her any info about your personal life whatsoever. She’s toxic. And wanting to *tell him so she can see what he says* sounds very, I dunno, salacious of her.  Ick

Post # 16
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree that this is super rude of her. If she had just mentioned it to him and you found out I would be telling you not to be possed about it. But to be such a pain when you ask her not to tell is rude. Fortunately, I don’t think it’s really a big deal if P does or doesn’t know. So I don’t think that this actual issue will be a big problem. But I do find the way she responded to you to be concerning. 

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