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While i get his final endpoint (yeah you should probably spend lots of energy into your marriage), he sounds like a crabby old man. Jaded, maybe?
How cynical. Seriously. I wonder if he's actually met anyone who's reflected upon their wedding in this manner. Maybe it's easy for him to be so judgemental and sarcastic, seeing as how he doesn't get to ever be married? Like he can't fully understand/appreciate it himself? It's easy to be on the outside, looking in, I guess.
I'm sure a simple "Mary, i'm not sure how long our aisle is" would have sufficed the poor girl.
LOL!!! I thought it was funny. He does sound like a grumpy old man, but he has a few good points. That being said, we moved in together before marriage and had an outdoor ceremony. LOL!! Different people have different views on the importance and role of 'religion' (which is NOT faith) in their lives and marriage. Its probably very hard for a catholic priest to accept the change of guard. he could always stop performing weddings though...
Well for some context: This priest holds a call in talk radio show called "Ask your father." He spends the hour answering any questions people have on the faith. During on of the programs a couple weeks ago, a man called in seeking spiritual advice. His wife of only a year wanted a divorce. Their story: She wanted her dream Church wedding in the Catholic Church. He felt it was her day and even sold his truck to be able to help pay for the wedding. They went into major debt to pay for the wedding and found themselves economically tight. They fought a lot about money and now she wants out.
Overall this priest for the past couple of weeks, whenever weddings get brought up, talks about how he wishes someone would start a trend of very SIMPLE weddings. He mentions how in Christ's time, things were getting overblown with funerals that it often put the family in ruins. Then someone influential had a very simple but reverant funeral and the simple funeral became the tend that everyone wanted to do.
I think his main complaint is that he gets a lot of couples coming to him to marry in the Catholic Church not because they take the Catholic faith seriously, but because they want the big Church wedding. He gets really annoyed when brides who've never been to his parish call and ask him how long the aisle is. He says he gets tons of calls about it.
I see what he is saying. But I don't think that a big, fancy wedding and a faithful, devout ceremony are mutually exclusive. Of course the bride and the groom's attitude towards the wedding makes a huge difference, but I don't think celebrating in style has to diminish the actual sacrament.
I think his point is just that the cost of a wedding is getting ridiculas and its, as he said, STUPID to spend that much. I'm going to have a beautiful wedding, and I'm spending about 70% less than what the average wedding costs. My parents went to a bigger Catholic wedding and it felt really impersonal and overdone. They didn't even get to talk to the bride and groom and it took them an hour to get through the reception line.
To me its about the ceremony and the reception is more of a "thank you for coming" for my friends and relatives. So we're providing food and honestly I would have gone cheaper with decorations but the church hall has all this stuff you can rent for really cheap. It'd be more expensive for me to buy cheap looking stuff.
I haven't been to church since 1989 (HA!) and FI was never even baptized
We're getting married in Jamaica and Grandma isn't coming!
Whoops!!! lol 
Lol, this priest sounds like he has some serious issues. It's too bad that he's been through experiences which make him feel that way, but just like Nexus, I am that much more happy to be an atheist!!
Yup, he sounds grumpy...and yet I don't find it annoying or offensive at all, haha. His complaint is valid. A lot of couples want a big party and not a rocking marriage.
But couples are starting to take the simpler approach with weddings. The Big White Matchy-Matchy is getting dated. And you can never make everyone happy, so...oh well!
He sounds sort of grumpy, and a little carried away......but I think there is some sense in stepping back and remembering what the whole wedding is about. I agree, weddings are outrageously expensive, and planning unnessecarily stressful. It is import to remember it is about marriage, not just the party.
But still, he seemed a little bitter.
Who says 30K is a "stupid" amount to spend on a wedding if you can afford it? 30K might be "stupid" if you only make 20K a year...lol. "Stupid" is a very relative term. It's a lot to him I bet, but I don't think priests make a lot of money. I bet there are people who think me spending $100 on a pair of jeans is stupid too. Well, too bad cuz i make more money than them and I get to spend my money however the H i want.
I personally think that open-minded Christians/Catholics draw more people to them. Fanatical attitudes like this where you publically berate the general public just segregate you and shun people from God. It sets a bad example, frankly. I think it's ironic when priests are this judgemental and rude.
I agree with a lot of what he said. It reminds me of those God billboards from a few years ago. There was one that said
"Loved the wedding. Invite me to the marriage"
I think his point is that people get very caught up in details that don't mean a whole lot, and don't pay enough attention to the holiness/devoutness that should accompany marriage.
I do agree that judgmental Christians/Catholics are completly hypocritical. However, when people marry in a church there are hoops you have to jump through. In the Ctholic church you have to go through classes and during these classes they stress the importance of the rest of your life vs. the day you get married.
The Catholic church has a really stong stance on making sure the marriage will work, which is where the concerns/comments stem from.
He was a making a couple of points about the cost of weddings (1) it is stupid and could ruin your marriage to put yourself in debt over a wedding/reception (2) of that 29k, only $200 goes to the church, which should be the most important part, and (3) brides get so focused on the wedding that they don't think enough about the actual marriage. So I don't think he was saying it is stupid in every situation to spend that much.
And it is absolutely disrespectful to take communion if you aren't Catholic, especially if you put it in your pocket... I can totally see why he feels the way he does.
I cracked up at the host in the pocket problem, really, I did. That's too funny! Aren't there rehearsals for this sort of thing?
But EJS, I totally agree with you. For a priest to be this judgmental... hey, not so cool. And I think everybody needs to cool it with the judgment of how little or how much a wedding costs. Let people make their own financial decisions as to what's appropriate and what their priorities are.
I think this is great - a priest with a sense of humor and with a sense of the importance of marriage. There are too many clergy in all different faiths who are pandering to the lowest common denominator and apologizing for the guidelines by which a religion functions. It is not always supposed to be warm and fuzzy - it's supposed to give you a kick in the pants every now and then and make you think. Religions have rules and guidelines. If you want in, you're in and you live with them. If you don't want in, don't worry about it. I don't judge people who choose to believe or not believe but I am relieved to see a statement by a priest (and it could have been a rabbi or a minister or any other person who officiates at weddings and other similar milestone events) who is more concerned about the marriage than making sure the bride has an aisle long enough for her entrance (or short enough that she won't be too nervous). If she went to that church, she would already know how long the aisle is and wouldn't have to ask...
Whoa, he went off! Lol, he's got some valid points but he obviously should take some time off hahaha.
I thought it was great! It's true. I'm sure he didn't believe everything he said, he was just saying it to make a point. Yes there are grumpy, mean priests that believe this kind of stuff, but there are also great priests. Also, if you're a practicing Catholic, you shouldn't really be surprised that there are all those rules and regulations.
Personally, I don't blame the priest for feeling that way. How many times a year does he get used by brides that only want to use his church and will never come back again? Except maybe to get their first baby baptized.
I liked it. He had some very valid points. Many brides (and grooms) get lost in the who asthetics of it and some lose the purpose of the day. I personally am not one for a big theatrical wedding. I'd take it with a grain of salt- it did come from a site where the guy joking calls himself 'The Reverend Know-It-All. :)
I think he could have made his point better and more effectively without all the bite. It distracts from his main message, which is actually valid.
I really enjoyed the article! I did have the big church wedding and think its very easy to loose site of the marriage and focus on the day. He may come across as harsh, but if he would have not written the article the way he did, I highly doubt his point would have come across the way it did and most of us wouldn't have read the article at all.
LOL - thanks for the post. That was hilarious. I'm sure that priest has seen his share of couples that are only 'wedding' minded and have a rude wake up call the day after... like - crap, now what.
He absolutely has valid points. But he is being counterproductive. It is hard to draw families into the church right now and an ideal time to attract new young families is when a couple gets married. An off-putting attitude and making the bride and groom feel like they are somehow bad believers is not the way to expand a congregation.
My priest made the process of my wedding harsh. I am an Orthodox Christian and my husband is a devout, actively practicing Catholic. We can marry in each others' churches but cannot receive communion.
We had the marriage in my church (where I was baptized and have been a member my whole life) and wanted his Catholic priest to participate by doing a reading that ANY LAY PERSON CAN DO. HUGE deal. And we were made to feel like by asking we were being a nuisance. When in reality, we are just two Christian people with extremely similar faiths who wanted a faithful ceremony that represented us both. I also wanted my priest, who used to be the parish priest (married my parents, baptized me, prayed by my hospital bed as a child when I was sick) to officiate. He is still affiliated with the church but is not in charge. Again, apparently an offensive suggestion because of church politics. Then, I wanted to walk down the aisle to the Prayer of St. Francis, to incorporate a little more Catholic tradition. Again, it was like asking if I could get married naked. Apparently the non-spiritual Wedding March or Trumpet Voluntary are ok, but a hymn was not appropriate since it was not the standard tradition.
My husband and I want to raise our family in the church, be it Catholic or Orthodox. Rather than saying, "Wow, here are two young people who want faith in their ceremony and their marriage, and how nice that this young woman has such a strong connection with her childhood priest, let's see how we can welcome her and her husband to the church with open arms," we were continually made to feel like the small things we wanted were an affront to both churches. Here was an opportunity to welcome a new family into the church, but instead they sort of made us question whether or not we want to stick around.
And the whole deal with all the money being spent on a wedding not going to the church...if you encourage people to join and continue to attend, well, then maybe a lifetime of contributions will end up paying off in the end.
Oh, and if you don't want the non-baptized receiving communion, SAY SOMETHING!
I agree with his points about the marriage being more important than the day, however, he doesn't sound very Priest like. His delivery is a little harsh & does come across as jaded.
I understand how frustrating it must be to marry people who you don't think will last longer than a year... then why not just say no? If they aren't a member of your parish don't marry them. Problem solved?
Wow. Well, I'm glad my priest is quite a bit more laid back than this guy. Of course, he is writing for a blog which makes me think he's trying to be a bit more 'over the top' than I bet he is in real life. Still...doesn't make me want to join his parish, I think I'll stick with mine. I used to feel bad when my liberal ideas didn't jive with what I was hearing in the homily, but you know priests are people to, so I just try and focus on the positive and how it relates to my spiritual growth etc. I'm still going to push to have a non-traditional reading and that doesn't make me a bad catholic mr. scary priest man.
I always thought it was a understood part of Catholic doctrine that only Catholics were allowed to have communion during a Catholic mass (that's includes baptised and the un-baptised non-Catholics) Even my super strong atheist, humanist, jewish, buddist friends all knew. So when I went to my cousin's wedding last year and everyone started to go up for communion, I realised that maybe not everyone knows about that aspect. Of course, every Catholic wedding I went to growing up had a little section in the back respectuflly explaining the Catholic teachings about transubstantiation and inviting everyone up for a blessing if they felt comfortable with it. So maybe if this priest is really concerned about it, he could request that they include a section in their programs. Makes it less stressful for everyone, and he doesn't have to be mean to anyone.
The priest makes a good point. Busted Halo had a "Princess and the Priest" video series that made the simlar point in a little less brash fashion.
http://www.bustedhalo.com/princessandpriest
I liked it, too; funny with a sense of faith & (albeit, harshly) educating readers about the Catholic Faith & Religion (they ARE different)...I agree with lolo, that he's probably being over the top for the blog. But educating, whether harshly or warm & fuzzy, is the JOB of the priest.
It does sometimes frustrate me, reading about brides who are annoyed by all the hoops to get married in the Church because they want it to be as easy as getting married by the state or some other church (@jocelyn3476: I do NOT include you in that category...I'm so sorry that you and your FH had such a difficult time trying to include both faiths in the ceremony. As devout Orthodox/Catholics, you should be able to honor both faiths). I mean, try to treat your relationship with the Church as you once did your relationship with your FH...when there were moments of differences in opinion or when you were just getting to know each other, didn't you give him the benefit of the doubt? When he stood his ground on something he believed in, didn't you take the time to understand why? Same consideration should go to the Catholic Church...don't just assume that the Church is against you; please also don't assume that the Church works as your employee, either. If the Catholic faith is NOT important to you or your FH, DON'T get married in the Church - please enjoy the celebration of your legally valid marriage wherever will make you both happiest. Please don't knock the faith & expectations of a religion that you don't believe in...just celebrate elsewhere. Please know that the doors to worship & question the faith are ALWAYS open, but the opportunity to ridicule or complain is NOT. Practicing Catholics should do the same; I will not knock anyone's decision to not believe or strength of belief in a faith not my own.
So sorry about the rant...not intended to offend; rather to stand up for my faith & its expectations.
Ms. Pascua, you worded what I couldn't. Thank you. It bothers me when people just want a wedding because it's pretty... that's not what it's about at all.
Still, that priest was a bit harsh even though he makes many valid points.
I think the article is humorous and that he exagerrated things to make his point. It has a very good message. Too many brides care too much about the things don't matter. They get sucked into the planning. Also, respect the church and its beliefs. The part about the communion in the pocket was funny but shocking. I can't believe someone actually did that.
I thought it was hilarious, IMHO. I have to say though, I have been a member of my Catholic church since I was confirmed in middle school...and I must say, I have NO clue how long the aisle is lol.
Ha Ha! I am laughing out loud!
I loved it!
Obviously, he's being satirical - but he has really good points. If you truly believe in the Catholic faith, you should not be offended. If you don't then you shouldn't be offended either. Everyone has the right and responsibility to live up to whatever religious/spiritual belief they have committed to. This preist is simply pointing out that too many "believers" do not live up to their Catholic faith and the Sacrament of Marriage.
I thought of this last week when we had our first meeting with the priest and he THANKED US at the end for being so timely in our meetings and for actually taking this as "we're preparing for marriage" and not a wedding day :-)
I liked it.....
I thought this was hilarious!
And about the communion thing... I am atheist, and unless someone told me not to get communion, I would think it was disrespectful that if I didn't get it. I haven't been to a church since I was 10, so I hardly remember anything from when I did go (I mostly doodled on a piece of paper ;) ). If you want to make sure people don't get it, then put something in your program or have the priest explain it/make an announcement. Don't just expect that non-religious people or people of other faiths know the traditions of your faith if something like that is so important to you. :)
Most churches will announce that Communion is only for "catholics in good standing with the church." In our Religion, we believe that the "host" is actually transformed into the ACTUAL body of Christ. Kids can't take it until they go through classes and education and it's something that deserves profound respect. (why we kneel and bow so much :-) So in your case, it would actually be extremely disrespectful TO receive it :-) but no worries, at weddings/funerals/etc they almost always make an announcement... they also invite all the non-catholics to come and receive a blessing instead of communion... but if that's not something your comfortable with there no reason you have to :-) but for future refrence, it's an no no to receive Catholic communion. Other denominations however view it as merely a "symbol" and you are free to receive in other denominations.
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