Why the venom?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@tiff-tiff-tiff:  Some people enjoy nothing more than starting useless threads to cut other people down. It is almost always a new member who doesn’t stick around long because they realize that they aren’t going to get any sympathy around here. My guess is they have nothing better to do with their lives.

Post # 4
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Since you ask, here is my take on the venom.

It does seem to me that there is a bit of disconnect between women who don’t see themselves as waiting and those who do. It’s really hard for both sides to see the other it seems.

My guess is that for some ladies, there are some, though not all, of the waiting posts seem sort of unfeminist, or really against what marriage ought to be about (like a “goal” per se). It’s hard for these ladies to imagine a relationship where the partners aren’t seeing eye-to-eye. Moreover, it represents a gender dynamic which they find problematic, one where the girl is pestering for marriage and the man doesn’t want to commit. They also (and I tend to agree) find it awful when women put the fact of marriage itself before the person they want to live with.

But on the other hand, they don’t understand for those who are waiting, it’s really stressful to not know if they are investing in a relationship where the partners might have different life goals. Love IS important, but so are compatible views of the future, and I think that is lost on those bees who take that type of compatibility in their relationship for granted. I see the bees who are anti-waiting often saying “isn’t love enough,” not realizing that…no…you need to have two people equally invested in a relationship, and it’s hard when two people see two different goals. It’s great when two partners want the same thing, but it becomes immensely complicated when they don’t. 

I’m really sort of sympathetic to both sides, I suppose. Sorry if this rambling was useless. 

Post # 5
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@tiff-tiff-tiff:  Yeah, those “Stop whining because I’ve been waiting for 10 years but I’m not whining (except I sort of totally am)” posts drive me up the walls!

 

Post # 6
Member
957 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

sometimes people should just keep their opinions to themselves.

Post # 7
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Usually the people who have to post online about how amazing their relationship is are really just looking for validation bc it’s shit. They need to feel better than others and cut them down bc they aren’t happy with themselves. 

Post # 8
Hostess
22135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2011

Hey ladies! So I closed the other thread (referenced in the OP here) because it violates Weddingbee’s Comment Policy and because we value every member’s perspective.

In the name of fairness though, I’m going to close this one too. I absolutely agree that rants against waiting bees don’t have a place on Weddingbee; however, threads dedicated to rehashing the rants only perpetuate the drama.

Thanks! 🙂

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