Why weren't we invited to our friends' baby's baptism??

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@BurlapnLace:  I agree, it’s definitely weird, especially since they were talking to you about it before.  Are the enthusiastically baptising their child, or is it something they are doing to appease the grandparents?  If they aren’t into it, they might not realize it’s something you would want to go to if you weren’t the godparents.

Post # 5
Member
6504 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@BurlapnLace:  I don’t think it’s that strange. Were other friends invited? If not, they probably just didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.

Also, how religious are you and your FI? If you’re not that religious they may have thought you wouldn’t care.

Post # 7
Member
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

maybe it was just family and they wanted it that way – it’s possible they didn’t mention it because they thought you might feel slighted to not be invited and they didn’t want to have the ‘it’s family only’ conversation. 

it’s possible they felt you might not understand that (and be right) since you’ve stated twice that even if you hadn’t been invited you would have gone anyway… :/

i wouldn’t feel bad about it – it’s their prerogative to invite whoever they like. i’d buy a small present, write a nice card and drop by for a visit to congratulate them – don’t make it a thing, since it’s likely not a slight if you’re such close friends.

Post # 8
Member
7075 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Perhaps they just wanted it to be the immediate family, or they felt that if they invited you  then they would have to invite all their other close friends.

If I was having a small private ceremony I wouldn’t talk about it either. It’s a little awkward to bring it up and then have to explain to someone that they aren’t invited.

Post # 9
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@BurlapnLace:  I have never seen a friend invited to a baptism unless they are the god parents. I have been to probably 12 baptisms and it is only family. The church part is open (it has to be– you can’t kick people out of the church), but friends were never specifically invited or invited to the house for the party.

ETA: We are Catholic and from what I have learned from all of the new babies in my family is that Catholic baptisms are incredibly stressful. You need to get the paperwork from each god parent’s church (and it never goes smoothly) and then the godparents have to meet with the priest (sometimes) and the parents have to work around the other kids getting baptized, the mass schedule, and the priest’s beliefs. The last batism I was at the mom got 2 weeks notice of the date (she had been trying to get a date for 4 months– since before the baby was born). That made throwing together the party really hard. For the second to last baptism (also trying for 4 months), the priest refused to do it at a time that worked for the godmother. The godmother ended up missing the baptism, but the priest wouldn’t budge on another time that day (And the parents were trying up until the day of the baptism to change it). What I have learned is that it is so stressful that it is often better to just roll with the punches and not take offense. 

Also, talk to your parents and grandparents about their baptisms. My grandmother wasn’t at my mom’s– the godparents were. At mine, the grandparents and some of my aunts and uncles were there, but they were there because that is where they went to mass. These historically are not big deals or parties at all. It probably wasn’t meant to be an insult, but more like you asking why you weren’t invited to Christmas morning– why would you expect to be there?

 

 

Post # 12
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@BurlapnLace:  I added a second bit once I read your update. My husband is one of 6. Baptisms are family/godparents only. I wouldn’t think anything of it if I were you.

Post # 13
Member
1662 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@BurlapnLace:  I can think of a couple of different reasons that wouldn’t be because they don’t love you.

-Maybe it was just family? I went to a Greek Orthodox baptism recently, and I noticed all of the couples non Greek Orthodox friends weren’t there. It was a family one for us, the father is DH’s close cousin.

-They hate big baptism parties and think they’re gift grabby.

-They wanted it to be small because they didn’t want to host a reception afterwards. Often when this is the case, the invites are limited to a certain group ie immediate family/extended family only.

Possibly your friend didn’t mention it because she didn’t want you to feel obligated to get a gift. Sometimes I won’t mention my birthday ahead of time to casual friends for that reason. (Not exactly the same, of course.) Also possible that she didn’t want to go on about it too much since you guys were doing a wedding activity and she wanted it to be about your wedding.

If they’re thinking of your FI for the godfather of their second child, they must love you guys and consider you very close friends. It’s going to be ok! I think it would be alright if you asked about it in a non confrontational kinda way.

Post # 14
Member
759 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Before you jump to conclusions, I was just thinking of my upcoming baby’s baptism (I’m 38 weeks preggers) and as much as I would like it to be a celebration with friends – we just had a couples shower this Saturday and it was sooooo much fun so I was thinking it would be awesome to throw a huge bash for the baptism but then I felt wierd about it.  It kinda seems like holdup #2 for gifts for this baby and that is not my intent at all, I didn’t even want or expect a shower. But people of course brought tons of gifts anyway to the shower so for the baptism I will probably only invite immediate family because I hate the whole gift thing.  Maybe your friend felt the same way? 

Post # 15
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@BurlapnLace:  This is really common where I live. Baptisms are just for immediate family and god parents. Even extended family usually isn’t invited.

Post # 15
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I did not get a baby shower and I am anxious about inviting people to the baptism. If nobody cared enough to offer a shower for us, why would they want to come to the baptism? If we invite people to the baptism, I’m scared they’ll just wonder why they got the invite since they probably don’t wanna come anyway. 

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