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I've seen so many "Dress Regrets" posts in my short time here. Not addressing this to anyone in particular, but I am truly intrigued by this phenomenon - I just really, truly do not get it. I mean, we make so many huge decisions in the planning process -each time we book a vendor or make any large purchase, we're missing out on hundreds of other options. When you book that reception hall, you'll never be able to get married in another one. When you choose that photographer, no other professional will be able to capture those once-in-a-lifetime moments. And yet, we don't see "regret my venue" posts or "regret my florist" posts. What is it about dresses?
When you bought your dress, did you really think it was the best wedding dress for you IN THE WHOLE WORLD? I mean, there's so many freaking dresses out there. No way you are going to find one #1 best one! Even if you go to 11 different stores, several times each, with an army of bridesmaids and relatives, you'll only be trying on a fraction of what's out there. It's almost certain that a dress you'll love just as much is in the next store or on the next rack In fact, there are probably dozens of such dresses in the bridal shops around the world.
When you start to regret your dress, what exactly do you fear? Do you think that your fiance will turn away in disdain as you walk down the aisle? That guests will laugh at you behind your back? Is ANYONE really going to think, "wow, she should have had some more lace on that one." Or "yeah, a different silhouette would have worked so much better?" Unless it's hideously ugly (and you wouldn't have bought it if it was), no one is going to care.
You bought the dress. You booked your venue. You found your vendors. There are many equally good dresses and venues and vendors out there. Let me say that again: there are a hundred dresses out there right now as stunning as the one hanging in your closet. But you get one wedding. No matter which one you buy, part of you will wish you bought another one. Why not just pick one you like and move on?
Because the dress is one of the easiest things to change! Changing caterers or venues requires us to lose deposits on something that we can't just sell to another person. We can't sell our photographer or food from the caterer, but we can sell our dress! There are fewer consequences to choosing a new dress.
Plus, as stereotypical as it sounds, we're GIRLS! Most of us change our clothes 4x before we go out- we don't second guess what restaurant we're going to. And to alot of people, what we wear is highly definitional of who we are. Some of us brag about our Gucci flats, some of us brag about where we're volunteering this week, others find their self-worth in where they're going to dinner that night. We like to look cute. So if we find another dress we feel cuter in, we start to second guess our original choice! It's okay!
Being one of the "dress regret" ones, I'll take the heat on this one and answer.
Don't know if this is how it was with you, but I when I first saw my fiancee I thought "I want that one". I saw something I was crazy about, couldn't live without, and even though the circumstances were not ideal, I just had a feeling that he was the right one. Then with the wedding, everything else except the dress were easy for me. I booked the first photographer, florist, dj and officiant I met with. But for the dress, I had a vision. I wanted to look the best I ever did and I could picture what she would like. Except, when I set out to find her, she didn't exist, not like I could see it in my head. The fact that most samples tried on were four sizes too big for me didn't help matters. Maybe it was the fact I know nothing about sewing and couldn't imagine the finished product after alterations, maybe it was the fact that I was doing most of the search alone and I missed my mom living 7000 miles away, but I couldn't find the right one. And I had a short engagement so I was running out of time. So I picked one, because it looked better than others and the consensus from who I asked was that it was good. Still, to me, it wasn't what I was looking for. It wasn't perfect. I never had that "moment". Does that make sense?
Further to complicate matters, I've been married before. The first time I walked into an off-the-rack store and fell in love with the first dress I tried on. Ten years after the fact, I have no nostalgic feelings about that short lived marriage but I still love myself and the dress in the photos. This time, I wanted something to top that, I wanted everything to be perfect, and I just don't feel like it is. Even though I found the right guy this time.
Probably more emotional than was called for, but that's my honest reply. To me the dress being perfect is what will make me feel perfect about the wedding. Like I won't have any regrets after.
I think alot of girls dream about their wedding dress since they are little ( I know this is not ALL girls). For me I always thought about what kind of dress I would wear and dreamed of finding the "perfect" one. Another thing is normally when we buy a dress for a party or event we buy it only a couple weeks in advance or so. For our weddings we buy it 6months to a year in advance! Its hard to feel confident in your decision for that long and have to wait months to see again. While you are waiting you see other dresses and start to get nervous about your choice. Also there is a lot of pressure when shopping for a dress. We arent free to look as long and as much as we need. We have a limited time for an apointment and consultants want you to make a decision on the spot. I think alot of girls have the nervous feeling, but im sure it goes away once they try it on again. And I agree with KMSULL were girls were indecisive about our clothes! Ive almost never gone out and not changed my outfit more than a couple of times!
I'm a girl who had dress regret. While I did like my dress, I had the regret because I didn't LOVE it. I chose it because I think I paid more attention to how much my family loved it and I was just glad to hear it because it was getting to be too close to the wedding and I just needed a dress already. And shouldn't every bride just absolutely LOVE her dress?
I think there is a lot of pressure on "the dress". Or perceived pressure anyway. I have not written a post on here about regretting my dress but I do empathize with the women who do. How many time have brides heard "it will be the most photographed piece of clothing you will ever wear"? That and plus you want to look your very best because as extreme cynical as it might sound, there are very judgemental guest out there. After the the initial misty eyeness, there is always the occasional "I always thought she would be a lace girl" or "I never thought I would see a ballgown in a destination wedding".
In my case sometimes you want to wear a million dresses (I know I do) not because of indecisiveness but because there are so many different choices out there likeGirlWithARing said. I picked out a simple shealth but sometimes I dream of a lace dress, or a couture gown, or a ... you see what I mean? And I am the kind of girl who knows what she wants. I met my wedding coordinator and immediate decided "she is it". Within the first 5 minutes in my reception/ceremony hall, I knew this was the one I wanted to get married in. But there are not MILLIONS of reception halls out there within a persons budget in a surrounding area. But there are MILLIONS of dresses in my price point from which to choose from.
Did my explaination help at all or did it just confuse you more. I just word vomited on to the keyboard what was going on in my head. But it is 1.25am here...
my dress regret is not with the dress but the price LOL why oh WHY do they cost so much!?!??!
Okay, I can't help but weigh in here - So there is a pretty well-documented phenomenon in social psychology (what? everyone doesn't have to spend hours reading social psych lit for grad school?) that when you give people lots of options to choose from, they are less satisfied with their choice in the end. I think they did the original experiments with jelly, but the principal applies. Women that spend hours and hours researching have soo many options to choose from so they know what they are missing when they commit. That's why you always hear people in dress stores tell you not to try on more than a dozen or so dresses in one day - if you've tried on 30 dresses, it's much harder to pick just one because you start to debate the nuances of each dress.
Another thing that I think influences "dress regret" is continuing to look after you've already committed. If you continue to look at "what might have been" you will no doubt regret your purchase. Personally, I didn't look at another wedding dress between when I bought it and when I picked it up, so I still loved it as much as I did the first day I saw it. I know this doesn't work for everyone, but it definitely worked for me.
I have dress regret! And I've posted about it...but I have actually had venue regret several times, and have lost TWO deposits (so far) because we keep moving the wedding.
There are only so many options when it comes to venue, for example. (and I've already looked at all of mine) But there are a hell of a lot more dresses out there! And everytime I see one on someone online or on TV that just looks amazing, I'm like "OMG - I wish I would've tried something like that on" or "That looks so much better than my dress"
If new venues popped up in town everyday, I'm sure I'd be the same way with them!
And as far as thinking people are laughing at your dress, your FI turning away from you or whatever....my dress regret has nothing to do with what anyone else thinks or will think at the wedding. Because honestly, all they will probably see and remember is a white dress. It's about what I feel like in the dress.
I think your post may help to put things in perspective for a lot of gals. I feel really bad when I see someone have dress regret. Each person's regret seems to be of varying degrees but I think it should really help for them to understand that there are thousands of awesome dresses out there - a lot of which would probably look just as good or even better than the dress they bought! That's why it's so important to stop looking at other dresses once you make your purchase.
omg i am sooo afraid of this!! thank goodness every dress i think i want have the same sleek lines... i have picked almost the exact same dress that i'd love to try on in three different price ranges.
All of your replies have been so helpful for me in trying to understand different perspectives on wedding dresses. I totally understand now how buying a dress that you weren't completely happy with in the first place (due to time constraints, family members' influence, etc) can lead to valid dress regrets.
Regarding the "we're girls, so we change clothes" reasoning, I don't know if I buy that 100%. When I change outfits several times before going out, it's a fun process that I usually enjoy (even if FI doesn't :) But dress regrets are usually stressful, not fun, so shouldn't we be strong enough to just stick with our decision? Just because we're girls doesn't mean we have to conform to the stereotype of always changing our minds.
I guess what I meant to say with my original post is that I hate to see girls upset because of a decision that's important, but not life-changing by any means.
@ honeybun: I wish I could afford to switch venues and lose deposits whenever I found something I liked better :)
Because there's so much pressure on us to look perfect. And most girls put it on a pedestal because it's probably the one aspect everyone has been thinking about before even meeting the FI. Also, most dress stores do a really good job convincing you the dress looks great in order to get your deposit, even if you seem unsure or if it's really not the best dress for your body. It is so uncomfortable the high-pressure sales tactics they use it's almost easier to just agree to buy it than walk out without something. Even GUYS talk about how the bride looked - all eyes on her!!
I've had moments of dress regret. I am not someone who has dreamed about my wedding dress for years, and I'm not someone who's been dreaming of my wedding since I was a little girl. So it's nothing to do with the dress not living up to my years-old expectations.
Instead, for me, it's that I tried on dresses once over a two hour period at one boutique. I didn't sleep on the decision to buy my dress because it was a 50% off sample, it was really pretty, and the price was right. I just bought it on the spot. And that is *so* unlike me. My fiance and I decided on our venue after going there annually for 3 years for a seafood dinner with his family. For our photographer, I did a ton of research ahead of time, called a bunch of different people, checked out her photos online and met with her in person, where she showed me her entire reel from one wedding. Weddings aside, I went to Starbucks last night and it took me three minutes to decide what to order, and that was after I narrowed it down to two drinks.
So my dress regret comes because I made a very quick decision after looking for just a couple of hours. I'm not a tulle person but my dress has tulle on it. It is a beautiful dress but I feel like maybe if I had looked longer, I'd be more confident in my decision. Don't get me wrong, it is beautiful, and I will feel beautiful in it on my wedding day. But the indecisive part of me would feel better knowing I had done more comparison shopping.
I have zero dress regret. I have date regret, and season and venue regret, but none for the dress. But I went a little out of my way to limit my own options first, and that helped. I am curious what "nicer" dresses would have looked like, but I didn't give myself a chance to find out. That helped, too.
haha, @BKGraham...I heard of the jelly study, too! In that case, I think they didn't buy when they had too many options, but most of us still have to have something to wear ;)
ladies, please do yourself a favor and try (as much as possible) to stop LOOKING after you bought yours...I really don't understand people who weeks later try on other dresses...that's just setting you up for heartache and extra $$$$.
For me I let my friends opinions override my own. The reason why i am so obsessed with my dress is because I want to look perfect for my Husband on that day, I want him to look at me and think I am the most beautiful thing he has ever seen! And when i ordered my first dress....i didnt think he would see me that way. so I went back and sure enough I found a dress I am SO confident in! It wont be here for another 3 months but i just know i will adore it just as much as the day i bought it!
bkgrahamwedding you make a good point about being inundated with so many dress options.
I am trying to avoid this temptation of looking at other weeding dresses now that I have ordered mine.
I had no dress regret. I didn't have an "this is the one" moment, but that is just not my style. I loved my dress, but for me the key was not looking after purchasing, and I also didn't feel like I had to have the "perfect" dress. I just wanted to look beautiful.
I do not have dress regret, but I also tried on almost 60 dresses!! I think had I tried on only a few (or even like 30) I may have wondered if I found the one. I know that 60 is nothing in comparison to the infinite number of dresses out there, but I felt like I really knew what I wanted by that point.
I always wonder how people on Say Yes to the Dress commit so quickly! :)
I agree with what a lot of people have said - we're girls, we place to much value on what our families think, etc. Dress regret happens, and I feel so badly when it does!!
I think it's also because it's not just a dress, it's a dress on your body. A venue is something outside of youself - it looks how it looks, a flower is a flower, etc. But on us, a garmet takes on more meaning. From one angle it looks good, from other not so great, and then any self-confidence or body issues we may have can also come into play.
As someone who has flirted with dress regret and spent a lot of time on wedding blogs and boards, I can certainly say that some brides have valid reasons for their regret. Some did not explore the options well enough, others got pushed into buying what their mom liked, etc. I'm not afraid my fiance will turn away from me in disdain, but I have definitely seen brides who chose the wrong dress for their body type.
Plus, did you ever have a night when you went out and thought your outfit looked slammin', saw the pics on Facebook the next day and thought you looked fug? I know that was a fear of mine, especially because none of the shops in my area allow pictures.
I will agree with the advice to stop looking at dresses after you have paid for yours. Before I purchased my gown I LOVED so many different styles of dresses that I just knew I would never be able to choose. However, once I narrowed down my selections, tried them on and selected one...I resisted the urge to look for anything else for me. Therefore when I picked up my dress and tried it on I was just as in love with it.
I don't have dress regret. However, for me, it's hard to purchase something so representative of our wedding day... and not get to try it on in my size/color for 5 months! I can always go back to the venue, go to a florist and look at flowers... but the dress is so elusive until closer to the wedding! It drives me nuts sometimes, and I do find myself second guessing my decision, just because I have so long to think about it without actually seeing it.
How about this perspective: the wedding dress is NOT built for comfort, whereas we buy most clothing based on how it looks on us AND that it's pretty comfortable... so I think a lot of people love it while it's on, get it home, and realize they have to wear this fifty pound bunch of tulle for eight hours at an outdoor wedding in july or whatever and start having these major doubts! I don't blame them!
I don't have dress regret and I loved my dress. That said, I do regret that I didn't try on more dresses.
i had no dress regrets, but i think it is definitely because its something you wear on your body, its deeply personal. when everyone stands at the ceremony and wooshes their head around, its not the venue or the flowers or the... photographer they're looking at, its you in your dress. and you only get one of those moments.
me, I'll never have that "one" dress. I was able to get a dress for free. I did't particularlly like the dress I got, but my sister and niece like it, they say it looks good on me and that's enough. It's a dress. I'm not going to find the "one" because I'm not going to pay for it.
I'm going to pay for me wedding out of my own pocket (until my parents realize I'm not asking them to pay for things). So that means around $20,000 out of my own bank account. So saving $1000 on a dress is a big deal and I'm not going to try on another dress when I got a free one hanging up in my closet.
I am regretting my dress right now (in this very moment) because I made a hasty decision and could have gotten something better suited for me. But my problem is just that my dress is 500 miles away and I can't see it or touch it EvER. SO i'm having my mother bring it up to me at Christmastime so that I can hang on to it til the fittings.
I definitely had my vey own dress crisis this evening.
@bkgrahamwedding - I'm a social psych grad atudent, and I thought of the same thing - it's the tyranny of choice! Of course, you could argue that cognitive dissonance could explain those who don't have dress regret ;)
All nerdiness aside, I don't have dress regret. I think it's helpful to stop looking at dresses once you've committed to one. Of course I see pretty dresses on blogs, but I'm not actively searching out other options.
I do not have dress regret, and I STILL look at dresses online, in magazines, in blogs, etc. You're right, there is no way to try on every single dress in the world, but for me, there is no harm in looking. I picked my dress and I'm sticking to it. There is no way I will buy another dress just because it's "more perfect" or because I "love it" more. I know I will rock my dress and look/feel gorgeous on my wedding day. In fact, I'm more worried about things I cannot control (ie random pimples, being on my period, obnoxious guests) than I am about my dress. 
There's a TV show devoted solely to telling brides that out there exists THE DRESS, the one that will make their day perfect, cause them to look fantastic in every single picture, and be alone responsible for the alignment of the planets. There's no "Say Yes to the Venue" or "Say Yes to the Photographer", but there is this whole weird mythos about women having a MOMENT when trying on dresses. And contrary to all of this, I did NOT have a moment when I put on the dress I ended up buying, and I suspect there will always be a tiny part of me wondering - "What if I had tried on just a few more dresses? Gone to just one more bridal salon? Would I have had *that* moment?"
I suspect for some brides, it's because there are thousands of dresses out there, and there are pictures everywhere of other women wearing these dresses and looking gorgeous in said dresses.
I agree that while it's ok to look at pretty dresses online, it's counterproductive to try on other dresses once you've put a deposit/ordered your dress. To be dramatic thats the dress equivilent of trying out other boyfriends after you've accepted a proposal. You can look at all the lovely boys, but you cant try em on for size.
I love my dress. Are their other dresses I wanted to try on but didnt get the chance before I found it? yup. I had been all geared up for a long winding road to finding it. Instead it was at the first shop I went into. Not the first dress. But still first shop.
I am devoted to my dress. Could there be a more perfect dress out there for me? ::snort:: possibly. But I'm not going to torture myself by allowing the what ifs.
If you would like a tip to help you fall back in love with your dress (this is from my sister in law, who had dress regret until she reigned herself back in)...add some elements, be it shoes, veil, accessories, jewelry, decor, or heck even the bridesmaid dresses that match what you have.
Make finding a new dress and therefor changing something, or several somethings a hassle. Make the dress you have..yours.
i feel fortunate that everything (so far) in wedding planning has been easy...that said I have no dress regret...I love it and always will. I stayed true to me and it fits the venue and feel of the wedding. I think if you don't get so fixated and carried away with finding a dress...you will find one that you love.
I cried when i tried mine on so thats how i knew! And this was after trying on a million others in completely different styles, it was total opposite of what i originally was looking for
"Teaparty", I am the EXACT same way.
For such an indecisive person, I made SUCH a quick decision... So I'm really worried. we had the moment, where I wept, my maid of honor wept, and my mom wept. But I'm still regretting...
Then my fiance reminded me that when we bought my car, I wondered for a week if it was the right car for us after all.. for the future, for our future kids... I really did regret buying it. When he reminded me of this, I had totally forgotten that I had EVER regretted buying that car and now I LOVE IT.
I'm hoping the same thing happens with this dress.
And it's NOT AT ALL about my fiance, about the congregation.. its about ME, how do I feel and how do I think I look? Because everyone can tell me I am beautiful, and I can even believe them, and think, yeah, they think I'm beautiful in this dress, so I must be beautiful to everyone in this dress... But what do I think? How do I think I look?
I'm thinking that I should wait a week and if I still even remember that I had regrets, then maybe try on the other one... (If I can wait that long...)
(What happened to me is that I fell in love with a dress when I first got engaged, and its the only dress I've loved.. but when I tried on dresses, I forgot about that one... I forgot to take a pic with me, and everything.)
I can't even decide what I am going to eat at a restaurant!! and yet I picked out my dress in a day, the 6th or 7th dress I have EVER tried on... the first store, the first day.
The first one is my dress.. the second one is the dress I fell in love with when I first got engaged.
I am 5'4, longer torso, short short legs. Pretty busty for being so petite.
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Your dress is beautiful! It is romantic and elegant. I really do like it better than the alfred angleo.
Just wanted to say that I didn't have dress regret and I never had one doubt!
I had regrets about my dress for a while, I blogged about it.
I think this happened to me for a few reasons...
I had never thought about a wedding or engagement until it happened, and even when I was engaged, I didn't want a wedding. Mr. GB and my mom sat me down and told me I had to have one... obviously I gave in or I wouldn't have anything to blog about, but I was a very reluctant bride. Since wedding was never on my radar, I never looked at wedding mags or dresses until it was time for me to buy one.
You have to buy your dress super early. I ordered my dress before I had a venue nailed down, so I didn't realize I was going to be walking on grass/dirt/mud all day until months after the order was in. After booking vendors, I realized my dress didn't 100% match the feel of my wedding and was not the most practical for the setting.
Again with not being very bride-like, I am not romantic or emotional... so I didn't have a "THE DRESS" moment. I also have social anxiety, so having shop girls all around me trying to talk to me makes me very very nervous and uncomfortable, so I wanted in and out as quickly as possible. I definitely felt pressured and a desperate need to make a decision so I could get out.
In the end, I went with the original dress and I don't regret it. It seems silly when I look back about how much stress I had (the evil alterations woman did not help) but I know why I had doubts.
I cancelled my other dress! And got a full refund because it was before 10 days. I am getting Alfred Angelo 2049!
Its exactly what I described to the DB consultant! But NEVER got. I went into a private shop in my small town and found the Alfred Angelo I LOVED.
I described this to my consultant at DB: "I want a strapless, lightly beaded, fitted bodice, with a plain skirt but with pickups, I LOVE pickups!" AND I found THAT DRESS.
I am sooo glad I went with my instincts!!I got pressured into a sale because it was the "less of all evils" and I "didn't have much time, and couldn't go home and sleep on it." AND i did like it at the time, but JUST LOOK at the picture, it looks HORRID on me!! Im so glad I looked for another dress! I am soo happy now!!!
I recommend ALL brides to be part of the selection process... If you go somewhere where the consultants go alone, GO WITH THEM and DON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER!!I was able to PICK OUT and GO THROUGH the entire dress selection in this store by myself, AND I ALONE picked out the BEST dress for me!! The big poofy dress is the old dress... the long, wonderful amazing dress with 2 pics is my new one! you can't see the wonderful pickups on the other side of the dress that come cascading down, but its beaauuutiful.
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