"Why women still need husbands"

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Apple_Blossom:  There was another post about this a week or so ago.  Again, it’s foxnews, so you can’t expect much.

Post # 5
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Some people just seem they don’t have brains.

@Apple_Blossom:  I agree, but as I said in my previous statement: foxnews lol

Post # 6
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Apple_Blossom:  Fox News caters to a certain audience. That audience considers certain people superior and prefers those people to continue to be in power (male, preferably Caucasian) and certain people to “know their place” (females, minorities). No surprises in this article.  

Post # 7
Member
687 posts
Busy bee

So men report wanting to focus more on work while women report wanting to have more balance in their lives. Well, those feelings weren’t created in a vaccuum! Feeling socially obligated to fulfill a certain role isn’t an inherent sexual trait like she seems to think it is.

I looked at her website and it says nothing about her education but there’s a blurb about her work and she looks like she’s trying to be the next Phyllis Schafly. The uncle tom of feminism!

Post # 8
Member
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Apple_Blossom:  I just feel really really sad for anyone who is idiotic enough to believe this. Normally I’d be writing 3+ paragraphs on a thread like this. But today I have sexism fatigue. 

 

Post # 10
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I just can’t even with this. There are so many points that I want to highlight…. But it’s like, what is hell is the point? Something very wrong and obviously sexist has been shoved down that womans throat… there is no changing it. All we can do is have an open disussion with other women about WHY she says the things that she does. 

Also, I’m really sick of hearing how “fox news” caters to a specific type of person. I don’t care if they cater to aliens in deep space… it is still ridiculous and women are still impressionable by BS like this. 

For example, if a non-liberal woman (who I’m assuming has read the article and it stuck with her) has a baby with a man and he leaves or they break up…according to this article she no longer has “family”… That cannot be good for her views about her life and family. 

Fortunately, most women come to the realization that they do, in fact, need a man—at least if they want a family. 

What rubbish. 

Post # 11
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I also want to point out, as awful as the article is towards women and how they should view a husband/man…

It is HORRIBLE towards men as well. What if a man reading this is a SAHD, or works part-time? Is he then less of a husband? Will he think “Damn, my wife can’t fully rely on me”? 

Ugh… just effing UGH

Post # 12
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Apple_Blossom:  

@ladyamalthea: 

haha, well now there is one on this thread that agrees too!  For me personally, this article makes perfect sense.  I DO NOT think anyone else need subscribe to it if they don’t want to.  Different strokes for different folks.  And I realize that I am probably of the minority agreeing with it.  

For what it’s worth, I do have at least a couple girlfriends that would agree with the article too.  

 

Post # 13
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@yehyehgirl:  I’m really interested to know what part of the article you agree with? All of it? Or just parts…? 

I really do want to have a discussion about this. 

Post # 14
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@lolita39:  oh god, this is probably going to pain you, but I think yes, the whole article!  I did not understand the very last question and answer presented.  And I don’t automatically assume the stats listed based on reasearch and studies they referred to are legit.  It’s more just my own personal feeling – the overall sentimate made in the article matches my thinking pretty well.     

 

By the way, I would consider myself an idependant voter.  I do not just stick to one party above all else but vote for the individual person each time.  I am not a Fox news watcher but rather a Bill Maher watcher.  I think the antics of the rebublican party these days are fucking ridiculous and insulting.  But I believe that men and women do have gender roles for the most part.  There’s exception to every rule of course.  But I think there are some innate qualities specific to the sexes (where others might think these qualities were born by “society” and not biology)

 

For me there is freedom in acknowledging and accepting and valuing the differences.

PS – Maybe I should also mention that I’m atheist, so my thoughts on this have nothing to do with sanctity of marraige or obeying a husband or any other whacky stuff like that.

 

 

 

Post # 15
Member
9532 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Okay. So I’m a pretty liberal woman. And I can see some points that I agree with in the article. I think that many people try to do too much. Whether you’re a man or woman it can stretch you really think to work full time, raise a child, clean a home, cook nutritious meals, pay bills, do car/home maintenance, etc. and still have time for yourself (which I think it is important). I think that people have excessively high expectations and there’s so much pressure to “keep up with the Jones’s” and have your kid in 15 extra curriculars. As such, I think that many people would benefit from cutting back and not trying to do so much. That can mean cutting back on work, paying for services (housecleaning, cooking, etc), cutting back on activities, whatever. Bascially just don’t stress yourself out trying to do everything if you can take some of those things off your plate.

All that being said. I don’t see why this should applyonly to women or only to men. Sure, one option is for the guy to work full time and the woman to work less or not at all. But there are lots of other options out there! We’ve discussed working conditions if we have a child and my husband and I agree that we would both prefer to work part time, at least while the child is young. According to this article, that’s okay for me but not for him? Incredibly sexist towards men. I don’t understand why a women can’t be a mother, wife and full teim employee and be “balanced” but a man is expected to be a father, husband and full time employee and be “balanced”. If it works for a couple to have one or the other work full time and the other work part time or not at all (at least outside the home) then that’s fine. But don’t limit your options to men always working full time and women get to have “balanced” lives. I think that as society is progressing, more and more men want more “balanced” lives as well and care more about being involved in the care of their children.

Do I think that men are ever going to become the primary parent and the woman the primary worker? No. Do I think that it will ever be a truly equal split for the majority of couples? No. And that’s okay. I don’t really need or want either of those situations. I just want everyone (male and female) to feel comfortable following their own desires and not feel that they have to conform to some standard set for their gender. 

 

Post # 16
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@yehyehgirl:  I’m just really curious… So if your husband were to leave/pass away/ etc… would you still believe that you had a family? What is your definition of family?

Fortunately, most women come to the realization that they do, in fact, need a man—at least if they want a family. 

Also, would you refuse a higher paying job just so your Husband could “bring home the bulk of the bacon“? 

Furthermore, if your husband were to lose a full time job, or decide that he wants to be a stay at home dad, would you feel disappointed him him as a husband and father? 

So why not let husbands bring home the bulk of the bacon so women can have the balanced lives they seek? There’s no way to be a wife, a mother and a full-time employee and still create balance. But you can have balance by depending on a husband who works full-time and year-round.

Obviously, I have stated my issues with this articule up above. However, I do want to say that the issue with this article is that it does play onto very specific gender roles. It pigeon-holes both genders for life. The article also assumes that every couple decides to have children, or that every hubsand needs to bring home the larger check. What happens to a relationship if that changes? 

As for the last statement and question presented in the article, she is saying that there are obviously a lot of men who do not want to be primary breadwinners anymore. As in, all of the good men are gone now. Then, she presents the question of why and implies that we know (because she just discussed it)

She is saying that the reason men do not want to provide for families anymore is because women overshadow them with their own careers/wants. Just like the Jennifer Aniston example, of how she did not need a man/ husband to have a family. Venker is placing the blame on women by saying “Since you also have high powered career goals, you are creating a slew of men who do not want to provide for someone who has a high powered career”. So, why are all of the good men gone? Because we women do not respect their wants/needs to provide enough. We don’t “lean” on them the right way. When in reality, it does not matter who brings home the bigger check, you can still respect your husband and make him feel just as wanted/needed/ and loved. 

To sum up: Instead of saying it is the mens fault for not adapting to changes in gender equality, she places it on women because we were the ones to change in the first place. 

 

So it’s not really a different strokes for different folks type of article. Venker obviously believes this “problem” to be a huge cultural issue. 

 

 

 

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