- 3 years ago
- Wedding: January 2087
This is going to be long and possibly confusing so I’m going to put this into a bullet points format to make it easier:
-We met when I was three months shy of 17 and he was 22.
-I basically moved in with him a few months after dating (I was staying at his house all the time and rarely went home)
-he got kicked out of the place he was staying and we were homeless. We had to stay at friend’s house every night and occasionally sleep in my car. I had to option to go to my parents house and sleep in a cozy bed but I wasn’t going to abandon him and leave him without a car too so I stayed by his side.
-a few months into being homeless we found out we were pregnant (I was 17 by this time and he was 23). Even though I had the option of going to my parents house I chose to couch surf and sleep in the car while pregnant because, as I said above, I was not about to abandon him.
-After being homeless for about 7 months we got an apartment when I was about 6 month pregnant.
-we had our daughter on 12/7/13.
-things were going fine for a few months and then when our daughter was about five or six months old I had a moment of realization and knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and marry him. *two years into our relationship now*
-I revealed my feeling to him and he gave me the “I’m not ready but i do want to marry you SOMEDAY” response. I got depressed and cried to him almost nightly about how bad I wanted him to be my husband.
-After a few months of that I finally told him that I’m not going to be strung along any more and I need to move on if this is going nowhere.
-the next day he “proposed” to me. I was in our livingroom, in my pajamas, eating a burrito when he asked.
-I was pretty disappointed with the half-asked proposal and the bought-on-a-whim ring. (I know, that may sound shallow but I didn’t take him seriously)
-I took the ring and said I’d think about it and went outside to call my friend.
-I went back inside and we just sat there like nothing happened and my friend calls to congratulate him. He then replies in a very monotone manner with “thanks…but don’t tell anyone”.
-it was then that I realized that he didn’t mean it (the proposal) and he wasn’t excited about it and honestly, neither was I.
-I rejected the proposal because I was wrong by pressuring him and that made the proposal ingenuous.
-I kind of felt like maybe he just isn’t the marriage type right now and won’t be for a very long time. I mean, he has said that he wants to marry me so isn’t the next step to ask? Why did I have to pressure him and basically give him an ultimatum to make him propose? If he felt as passionately about me as I do him then we would be getting this show on the road, right?
-*fast forward about three months to now* Since the botched proposal I’ve been feeling resentful towards him and don’t really care much about our relationship anymore. I let go of the marriage topic and have been trying to come to terms that I won’t be walking down the aisle any time soon if I stay with him. I’ve been bottling up all my resentment towards him for not making me his wife as much as I could. I’ve been trying to convince myself that marriage is just stupid and I don’t NEED it. However, whenever I see my friends getting married and engaged I just want to punch him and cry. I think to myself…
“why am I not good enough? ” “If I were truly his dream girl then he would have been ecstatic when I sat there in a puddle of tears pouring my heart out to him about how bad I want to be his wife and he would have given me a genuine proposal” “What is wrong with me?”.
-Well, we got into it last night because I blurted out all my feelings that I’ve been trying to bottle up and hide from him regarding marriage. He says that he still isn’t ready. I asked him “answer me this, am I the one?”. He replies saying something along the lines of “it’s hard to say…relationships take time…blah blah blah”. Ok, red flag! We’ve been living together for two and a half years and have a 10 month old daughter together and you’re not sure if I’m the one? It’s not like I’ve ever cheated on him or given him a reason to second guess me…I’ve been 100% faithful.
Now I just don’t know what to do. I’m stuck in limbo–I can’t imagine myself without him but i want to settle down and have a “real” family.
We haven’t had any major issues up until it dawned on my that I wanted to marry him but now my resentment is growing and it’s effecting a lot of things in our daily lives because I just want to punch him in the throat and say “I’VE BEEN NOTHING BUT GOOD TO YOU. COME ON, WE’RE GETTING MARRIED RIGHT NOW! QUIT FIGHTING IT…I LOVE YOU DAMMIT!!!”
What do I do?
We’ve lived together for two and a half years, have a child, he will be 25 in January, and I am 19 (I’m young, I know, you don’t have to tell me).
- This topic was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by MandyNichkole.