Why won't he propose? I'm desperate for help.

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
710 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Do you think maybe he stayed because of the baby? I know you don’t want to think of this. I’m a bit of a pessimist especially when I’m sleep deprived like now. Have you also considered he was using you? It sounds like you gave up a lot for him and he hasn’t done much for you. I think that you guys might need a break. You have been honest with him and nothing has changed. Either way one of you will end up resenting the other if not both of you.

Post # 3
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Please focus on raising your child and developing a skillset/profession for yourself. You have a child that you need to be able to provide for, and it would be most beneficial for you both if you were able to be financially and emotionally stable. There is nothing more important (not even marriage).

Your boyfriend sounds uninterested, immature, and selfish. There is no way in Hades that a considerate, mature MAN would allow his pregnant, underaged girlfriend to be homeless in solidarity when she could return to her parent’s home (which, by your description, sounds like it was safe and not hostile). Personally, I think the guy is a loser and that you should focus on your future.

Post # 4
710 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

And I’ll add after 2.5 years I’m pretty sure he should have a good idea if he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

To give you an idea. FI and I knew it was a forever thing within a few months and started seriously talking about marriage one year in, we were both 18 at the time. Two years later I’m planning our wedding.he is not a very emotional guy, but he often tells me he can’t wait to marry me and stuff like that.

Post # 5
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - A Beautiful converted Barn

getting married doesnt make a family any more ‘real’.

it sounds of it are willing to throw in the towel because after 2 and a half years he wont put a ring on your finger??

to be honest – it sounds like you are more in love with the idea of getting married than you are to the guy in question.

Post # 6
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Whoa. Before we get to the marriage talk – have things stabilized for you two financially?  You were a homeless pregnant teenager not too long ago. Are you guys standing on more solid ground? If things have gotten more stable, I suggest enjoying this stage of your relationship. The first two years of my relationship, life threw us some pretty nasty curve balls. It was a rollercoaster. All of our emotions were magnified. Times of struggle build character but I believe, at least with relationships, you need to also have times of monotony to test your compatibility. It’s easy to feel like someone is your soulmate when you’re in a ‘us against the world’ situation. When the dust settles, you get a clearer view of you you are with. I knew I wanted to be with my fiance but we were still trying to find our footing. It was nice to just be a normal couple after all the craziness we went through. One night, 3 years in, we were talking about marriage and I could tell he was leading up to ask me. I don’t think he planned to propose, I think it was a spontaneous thing. I stopped him and told him that I loved him and when I got married it would be to him but that I wasn’t ready yet. He asked me again, 2 years later and at 25, I was ready to say yes. 

You are both young and you’ve been through some pretty trying times. Enjoy the stability that you now have and  get to know each other and how you love in times of monotomy. It’s such a huge decision, and you owe it to yourselves and your daughter to give it the weight and consideration it deserves.

Post # 7
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

MandyNichkole:  Honestly just because he doesn’t want to get married RIGHT NOW does not mean he doesn’t want to marry you.

If you really feel like this is the right relationship for you, give it time. You’re still young, and having a child is a huge lifestyle change for you and him. Give yourselves some more time to adjust.

Most 23/24 year old men aren’t ready to settle down and get married. Most 23 y/o men and 17/18 y/o girls aren’t ready to have a baby either, but you did and it sounds like you’re adjusting to that. Marriage can wait until you both feel more stable.

I know it can be hard to wait but if this really is a relationship worth making permanent then it will still be there in a few years 🙂

Post # 8
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF

This post made me sad to read. I know you don’t want to hear it but you really are very young – and so is your SO.

While you may be ready for marriage, you have to understand that most guys in their early 20s are not. From personal experience, some men would even rather end a relationship than agree to a timeline that isn’t what they envision for themselves. The more you push it, the more awkward things will ultimately become and the more likely your relationship will either a) end on bad terms or b) move forward under strain. You need to decide whether you’re willing to give him time to mature and be ready for marriage or not. I’m sure it’s hard for you to understand why he wouldn’t want to get married right now as you have a child together and have been through a lot of hardship but it’s possible he’s just not ready to take that next step. Maybe he wants to achieve certain things first – financial stability, career advancement, etc. You should ask him what  he imagines would be the “perfect time” to get married.  

As another poster said, it’s really unthinkable that he allowed you to live a homeless lifestyle while pregnant even though you wanted to stay with him. I’m trying not to judge here but I will admit that I don’t like the fact that a man 6 years your senior didn’t make more of an effort to get his pregnant, underage girlfriend to return home to a place of safety, warmth, and presumably better conditions for his unborn child. 

That being said, your boyfriend is currently making you second guess your wants and desires (marriage) while his actions lead you to convince yourself that you’re to blame, which, for the record, you’re not. Please, whether you stay with him or leave, please continue your education or at least get trained in something that will allow you to provide for your baby and yourself no matter the outcome. The more you focus on yourself, the less you’ll (hopefully) worry about whether or not you have a ring on your finger.

Good luck.

Post # 12
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

At the Age of 21-25 I we weren’t ready to get married let alone have a child. We still haven’t done either and I’m 27 now.  I totally get your urge to want to get married but You both went through two huge milestones and adding something else might seem stressful for him right now. Maybe he isn’t ready yet. I know you don’t want to give it much time but that’s what he might need. He might not feel stable enough. Have you asked him why he isn’t ready?

When I asked my SO he just wasn’t financially ready.

Post # 14
3430 posts
Sugar bee

MandyNichkole:  Sweetie, focus on your relationship right now, not getting married.

Is he a good man?  Does he treat you well?  Does he treat his daughter well?  Is he helpful with you and your daughter?  Does he seem happy with a daughter?

If you answered no to any of these questions, find someone else.  Go back home.  I know you chose to stay with him instead of going him, which honestly was your pride getting in the way. Sometimes we all need to go back home and focus on ourselves first.  I did it as well.  But I got my head on straight and moved forward.  Because in the end, your parents will (should) always have your back.

You were homeless for several months, this didn’t bother you?  He sounds like an unmotivated person.  You don’t need time to know if you want to marry someone, you need time to save on a ring, a wedding, a trip, etc.  He sounds like he feels stuck in a relationship with you.  I’m not trying to be mean, but I’m trying to help you see from a different perspective.  You deserve to have a man who wants to be with you, who wants to raise your child together, who wants to spend every day with you.  And honestly, I’m not seeing it from this guy.

And no offense, but you are only 17?  I didn’t move out until I was 18 (and that’s because I entered college).  You’re still technically a minor, please consider going home first and becoming financially stable and really thinking if this is what you want in life.

Post # 15
177 posts
Blushing bee

MandyNichkole:  You aren’t going to like what I have to say. So if you are easily offended it would be my suggestion that you don’t read this. 


You are too young. You don’t have an established footing of the person that you are. You can argue with me and tell me I’m wrong and that’s ok. I get it. I was a couple of years older than you when I was in basically the exact same situation. No matter what anyone says you aren’t going to think they are right or that anyone knows what they are talking about unless they are supportive of your decisions. And I know this because once upon a time 8 years ago I was in your shoes. Down to a forced proposal that was totally half assed because I forced it. I wanted a family. I wanted my family to be whole. 

You can’t make someone propose and mean it or be ready for it. If it’s marriage and a family you want you can try and force it. But good luck, I know no one personally who has a happy successful marriage in that situation. You can get as angry as you want and build as much resentment as you want. But that doesn’t build a healthy relationship or a healthy marriage. 

My suggestion would be to build a relationship with your daughter, a career and a savings account.  Go to counseling for you and if he agrees go together. Work on yourself and focus on getting yourself to a stable place in life vs worrying about having a ring on your finger. 


Take my advice or leave it. I know it is harsh. But know it doesn’t come from a place of hurt or mean. It comes from a 27 almost 28 year old single parent of a son. Who walked the path you are on and didn’t listen to anyone but the people who said I was doing the right things. I wish I would have opened my ears a little. It would have saved me years of heartbreak and struggle because I was too stubborn to believe that the things I wanted werent the best for me or my son. 

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