- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
So I’m in middle of a massive job hunt and looked on CraigsList (for the humor factor) when I saw this post. It made me laugh so hard that I thought I’d put it here.
Here Comes the Bride? (Van Nuys)
Looking for somebody to help at an upcoming wedding on Saturday the 24th. We already have catering services booked and 185 expected guests with hotel rooms already reserved. I even have the J. Geils Band booked for the reception. However, my bride-to-be got “cold feet” and left the state yesterday. She refuses to speak to me, besides a few mean texts about my weight. I’m getting concerned we won’t have a bride for the wedding now!
That’s where you come in. With so much already invested in the venue fee, catering, plane tickets for guests, J. Geils Band, etc., it would be ridiculous to cancel the wedding. Makes more sense to have a lady “stand in” as the bride for my wedding. Most guests and family won’t even notice, since they never met Svetlana. You’ll just have to convince the minister, a couple bridesmaids, and my buddy Larry. Easy to do if you use an accent and wear a veil (size 8).
Your responsibilities as bride will include:
– Meeting and mingling with my family and friends
– Fitting into Size 12 dress
– Speaking with moderate Latvian accent
– Taking wedding vows and kissing me on the mouth
– Telling people we met at a horseback-riding class, NOT in a catalog
– Drinking vodka and cursing like Svetlana would
Also, the bridal family (yours) will be required to provide a dowry and pay for the wedding according to custom.
What’s in it for you? Besides a fun-filled Saturday afternoon at a wedding? Well, you get to keep the beautiful dress we rented until it’s due back the next Monday. You will get to enjoy fantastic catered food and meet each member of the J. Geils Band, too.
Best of all, you get to brag about the wedding to friends! Women always get jealous when a friend gets married – this time you get to be the one! Your friends can’t come to the wedding, though.
If you’re interested, email me ASAP and we’ll do a pre-screening to make sure you’re not one of those “Bridezillas”. Can’t wait to meet you!