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I'm sorry, but seriously??? I'm not made of money! And I'm not going to pay for dinner and alcohol for people that I don't even know! And it isn't like I'm only not letting a few people bring dates...if you aren't married or in a steady enough relationship that it's assumed you'll eventually be married then you're coming alone! If you don't like it, then don't come, there's another dinner I don't have to pay for. "Well some people won't have fun without a date..." WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? If you aren't steadily dating someone I'm sure there are plenty of times you go out without a date, why is MY wedding, that I'M paying for any different?
I've actually been told by people that they've never even heard of someone not allowing +1s...are you joking? Like seriously...even if I did have the money to spend on an extra like 75 guests, I wouldn't want to! I want my wedding to be people that I care about, not random dates who I've never met before.
Sorry, I just got really pissed...(and the person who said it is in a steady relationship and her BF will be invited, so what the heck does she care...)
Eh. People who haven't planned a wedding and don't really grasp how much this stuff can cost just don't get it sometimes. It's nice to give +1s if you can but obviously if it's out of your budget it's out of your budget. Just ignore peoples comments because you're not changing your mind regardless. People will always make rude comments when they don't like something. You just have to ignore it.
HAHAH I hear you on that one!!!! I HATE when people assume.... like seriously... its expensive enough, and when I have 52 FIRST cousins... it gets way too expensive to add dates for all of them... plus my moms 14 siblings and their SO's... way too many people. So, my married cousins and cousins in serious relationships where we have met the SO at other family functions (we have reunions at least 2 times per year!) then they are not invited... sorry you are going through this as well. It's your day and try not to stress about people's ignorance about the cost of weddings!
And the best is the few times I've heard (from people who I could care less if they come, but I feel obligated to invite) "I'm not going to a wedding alone" and I respond, I guess you're not going to the wedding then!
Like, you should want to go to have fun of course, but to celebrate MY MARRIAGE. Not try to get some random girl drunk and...(hahahahahahahha)
My sister called me a bitch bc i wasnt inviting her bf of 4 months....i know she is my sister but this is also the same sister that dropped out of my party twice etc etc....
People have their opinions and they are going to tell you unfortunatley. :(
I on the other hand AGREE with what you are doing!!! :)
My thing is, like, have you reallynever heard of people not allowing +1s? Have you ever been to a wedding? Have you ever even been INVITED to a wedding? Because more than half (mind you I've only been to 5) of the weddings I've been to didn't allow plus 1s (just steady relationship people). And they probably had way bigger budgets then I do...
You need a poll option for "Other" cause I'm doing selective plus ones.
I voted "of course I am" but didn't read your post carefully enough.
I'm only allowing +1s for people in steady relationships and possibly some people who have to travel far distances.
@Angela83: Yeah that's kind of what I'm doing, but more I'm basing it on if you are single but you don't know the majority of people that will be there, then date. If you are single but are in the same social group (college friends) as a ton of the guests, no plus one. Maybe it's obnoxious but I don't care and I haven't had any complaints yet.
See I don't really consider people in a steady relationship a plus one. You wouldn't invite someone without their SO if they were married, so if they're steadily dating I'll just address the invite to both. I just will not have a space for a "plus one" un-named dated. And, if they don't live together, I'm send them to my friends house, but still addressing it to both people.
I voted for no. Not that I couldn't accomodate other people... I just do not want people I do not know at my wedding... end of story.
I agree that you shouldn't feel forced to give someone a +1 in most situations, but I do think it's different if you invite someone who won't know anyone else there. In that case, I don't think it's rude, but I do think it's inconsiderate not to give a +1.
@kittyachi
I don't think that's obnoxious at all... that's like what we're planning to do.
I allowed everybody a plus one. Wasn't really an issue--most of our friends are in relationships, anyways.
I don't think anyone's being invited that doesn't know anyone else...like I already have a general idea of what the seating chart will be like in my brain based on who's friends with who. And then all of FH s friends are his frat brothers, so they ALL know eachother. Then theres the families, like my cousins aren't not going to know anyone, hello, they're related to a huge chunk of the guests. So I can't see a situation in which someone would be all alone...
I mean, you're preaching to the choir here :) IDK, in the beginning I felt the same sentiments you are experiencing, but as the wedding got closer my motto eventually became:
"If they are excited about attending my wedding, then they are welcome with open arms. I don't care if I've never met them before, they are only 4 years old or are a friend of my parents - if they send the RSVP back right away, mail a present and show up on time they can help themselves to the filet!"
My mother required me to add a +1 to everyone coming. This really threw of my numbers. I had to assume that the "guest" of people coming were going to be there. Total, with the +1 we invited 220 people. We ended up with 125 yeses. Most didn't bring a date, some even came w/o their spouse.
If you do invite the +1, you might want to call and ask if they are brining one earlier rather than later, or make your RSVP date earlier.. then you have time to invite a "b" list if you don't have enough guests.
Hmm, this one is hard for me. I am allowing everyone to bring a +1 but it is a relatively small wedding. I haven't sent out the invitations yet so we'll see what the single people choose to do. I know that I have been allowed to bring +1's to weddings and chose not to sometimes and I was once told I would not be allowed to because I was not in a serious enough relationship and felt bad about it (I am now marrying said "not serious enough" boyfriend and it is a shame that he did not get to attend my friends wedding. She will be coming to mine.) On the other hand it is very expensive and I see the financial problem.
For me, in the end, I thought of that wedding where I was not allowed to bring my man. I was the only one at my table without a date and I went straight to my bf's house after and got to tell him all about it. My friends were sad for me and told me they would not have done that to me. I don't want to make assumptions about anyone elses SO's and my main focus is for my guests to have a great time. For me, that means having those they care about near them too.
I think I'm just angry that this particular person had the audacity to say something to me.
I work with her, she's in her 40's and has been dating the same guy for like 10 years and he was supposedly going to "finally" (her word, not mine) propose, but decided to buy a house instead of a ring. We were really friendly (I wouldn't say close, but definitely would get coffee together and chit chat about superficial things) until I got engaged. I feel like she's jealous or something because EVER SINCE she has been obscenely rude. So I feel like she's just trying to be rude about it, and I'm afraid someday I'll snap back with a snarky comment like "well when your bf finally proposes you'll get to plan your wedding" and I don't want to be like that...but I also don't want to be harassed for MY decisions about MY wedding...
I didn't understand the expense until I was engaged and planning. It's frustrating but I'm giving +1s to my bridal party even though none of them are in a serious relationship.
@animated_librarian:If anyone is in a relationship when I send the invites (like legit relationships) then their SO is invited. I'm just not allowing people to bring a random date. And I have A LOT of single friends, so there would never only be one single person at a table.
I allowed everyone to bring a plus one mainly because I've just seen how much drama is caused in my brother's and then my best friends wedding. They have both lost a lot of friends due to this issue. But to be honest most of the people who are not in a relationship are not bringing a plus one but they have voiced how happy it has made them for me to consider allowing them bring a date. But your rules are your rules, you are the bride and this is the one time you decide exactly how you would like things done.
I allowed everyone a +1. Those who weren't in committed relationships (or in any relationship for that matter) all declined the extra seat and are coming alone. I thought it was a nice gesture to allow them to being a guest.
I went to my (soon to be) SIL's wedding as a girlfriend of 3 weeks and caught the bouquet! He was originally allowed a +1, but I guess after he had broken up with his ex (who he was with only 6 months), she thought he would come alone and planned as if he was.
I told him to call her and make sure I was invited since I wasn't the girl he was with 3 months ago, assumed he did.. but you know men! He hadn't, his sister assured me it was fine and she'd worked it out the week before because luckily their mom filled her in. Funny looking back on it. :)
Considering Im the first one of my friends to get married and they are all mostly single...think about it from a singles perspective. You are in your late tweenties, early thirties, and you are still single. Going to your friends wedding can bring up a lot of issues for you if you are single there and not with a friend or date.
I 100% agree that you have the choice, but at least that is my take on why so many people assume +1 is automatic.
I probably wont care about +1 or not since Im doing buffet dinner and I know we wont get much of a RSVP cus all of his family and friends live in Cali and the wedding is in Texas.
Edit: Also, I have a friend coming in town for a wedding and shes staying with me (I dont know the Bride and Groom). She invited me to go with her and the first thing I asked her was whether she was given a +1. I think sometimes people who havent planned a wedding have no idea what its like and just assume "Its a party, I should be able to bring whoever."
The only wedding I have been to was my fiance's friend's sister's. I didnt know one person there, and it was a last minute thing cus I was in town. I really appreciated the bride for not making a big deal out of it, and welcoming me in.
I do want people to have fun, because fun is totally contagious! If the people around you are having fun, it will be more... well fun! So I am adding plus ones to everyone over 18
Well I don't think it is nice for people to assume they can bring a date. I have decided to select who can bring a plus one based upon who else they know at the wedding. I do think it is rude to invite your friend who doesn't know a single person beside you and your FI to your wedding but not give them a plus one. I really think if the budget can't handle it then have a smaller wedding. Which that is what we decided. Our friends/family who are married or in relationships were invited as a couple. Our friends who are not in relationships and have no connection with our family were givein a plus 1. Our family not in relationships were not given a plus one because...they are part of the family and will know almost everyone there.
Everyone's situation is different. We're allowing selective +1s, based on each individual person's circumstances.
@Kittyachi: I think you are spot on. I think this is the best way to keep people from feeling like outsiders at your wedding. No one likes to go to wedding, or any event, where they don't know anyone but the host.
My issue is also that I don't want people at my rather small wedding (55-60 people) that I don't know. Anyone in a relationship is welcome to bring their SO. When addressing the invitations to a friend that has a bf/gf, I simply put both names on the invitation. I only put "& Guest" for my Aunt's first husband, since I know he isn't so close with the family these days.
I want my wedding to be people that I care about, not random dates who I've never met before.
If you don't like it, then don't come, there's another dinner I don't have to pay for.
Are you SURE these are people you care about?
Cause if invited as a single, I would take it to mean that you wanted a present or felt obligated to invite me, not that you actually wanted me there to celebrate with you.
Unless the wedding is small enough that I am actually sitting with you and can hang out with you for the night- I am going to want someone to talk to and hang out with to enjoy the evening.
Like, you should want to go to have fun of course, but to celebrate MY MARRIAGE.
People are there to celebrate, but that is not an activity- I don't walk around (alone) at your wedding chanting "celebrating your marriage!, celebrating your marriage!"
As someone who was not in a serious relationship until her mid-30's, I can tell you that it is hard to celebrate anything while eating/drinking alone at a table full of couples (or even other singles unless you know them well.) Oh, and it's spectacular when the older aunts come up to ask you why you don't have a date, when are YOU gonna get married, blah blah blah. That's a great time.
And yes, I am aware that it is expensive, but that is not the point. If you can't afford to invite cousins, then don't invite cousins or pick a cheaper option somewhere else. But inviting them and then telling them you don't care if they are coming as it is too expensive for them to bring someone to hang out with is rude.
I'm only allowing +1's because my venue charges by 50, so if we have 50 or 100 people it will be the same price. (for the record, we are expecting @ 75) If I had to pay per head, I would definitely be selective about +1s.
Yesterday one of my bridesmaids who is like a sister to me told me that she thought destination weddings were rude. I was like, couldn't you have told me this a year ago when I asked you to be my bm? WTF? I feel like as soon as you tell people tht you are getting married, they feel like they can say whatever they want to you. Such BS.
@edgypeanuts: Well put, that was basically what I was trying to say, but hands on experienced helped :-)
@edgypeanuts: The fact that you're attacking me after CLEARLY not reading all of my posts is slightly ridiculous. I've said more then once there won't be anyone there who doesn't know anywhere. I've mentioned there will never be only one single person at a table. I've also made it clear that the person who made the comment is an acquaintance from work who has been super rude ever since I got engaged. And, for the record, the expense is a HUGE point! If you want to pay for dinners for people you don't know, that's on you, but I actually have a budget! And I'd rather throw a nice party for people I care about, then a crappy one so that there can be a bunch of plus ones! And as for my "if you don't like it, don't come" comment, its called a rant! Of course I want the people whom I'm inviting to come to my wedding! I was just irritated. Sheesh...make sure you read all the information before you jump down someone's throat lady!
And for the record, Miss EdgyPeanuts, over 63% of the people who have responded so far have said they aren't giving plus ones to everyone, so obviously it isn't that ridiculous for those of us who choose not to. I'm just sayin though...
Our +1s were selective based on several factors. All bridal party members got +1 if they chose to. People that were in relationships that are serious were invited with their SO. We didnt put a time frame on how long they had to have been dating we did it on a case by case basis based one how well we knew the person and/or the couple. The only single people that got +1s were in the bridal party. No one seems to have a problem with this. I feel like most people should understand that weddings are expensive and you cant just invite anyone and everyone!
Wait, hold on, in the time it took for me to write that post, it went up to 65%.
And I'm sorry I'm getting defensive, Hive, I just never expected someone to pick apart a post that was clearly a rant and try to say I'm rude and just inviting people to get presents from them. I feel like Bee-loved has another account and is trying to cause drama again (ahahahahahahaha, sorry, I couldn't resist).
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