Why you should not be bitter to "wait"

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
2056 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

This was a very positive way to look at waiting and I’m glad it worked out for you!

But personally I don’t think if my SO put me in the position to wait for 4 years, I would wait that long to be engaged. I would expect that level of commitment before around the 4 year mark unless there were extenuating life circumstances (graduate school/med school, death in the family, etc.).

I seriously don’t know how some of these ladies wait 10 years because I’d expect my SO to step up way before then and if he didn’t have reasons that I felt were valid, I’d have to move on.

Post # 3
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Eh, I don’t know why people can’t get married and save up money for house, retirement, etc. together.  Marriage shouldn’t be this capstone event, like “everything in my life is now absolutely perfect and I have my shit totally together, so NOW I can get married.”

Lots of people get married just as a normal part of going about life – when you meet someone you want to marry, you should get married!  I don’t understand this mentality of “being ready.”  

I sure as shit wouldn’t wait YEARS for someone to decide they were ready.  

Post # 4
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I don’t see why it was necessary to bring up your friends’ failed relationships. A relationship can go sour whether they were married after 1 year or 10 years. Glad things are working out for you, though.

Post # 5
Member
42549 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Why would anyone be bitter about a situation they choose to be in? At any time, the couple can have the timeline discussion. If he thinks waiting 4 years is ok, and you don’t, you still have choices.

I ended my last relationship because I wanted to get married or at least live together and he didn’t. He was adamant he was never going to do either again. 

If a couple is not on the same path, one of them needs to take the next fork in the road.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 6
Member
2428 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

GirlyGirl24:  probably because they love the man and want to be with him no matter what, ring or not.

Post # 7
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

GirlyGirl24: I’m with you. I don’t know why you can’t plan your lives together instead of one person doing all the setting up, saving, etc. 

What OP described would not fly with me. At all. I’m too much of an active participant and cannot stand when my partner makes plans or arrangements that affects me without my input or feedback. 

Also, I have found that the two if us together can save more money faster than the two of us apart. However, we will have to pay more money in taxes once we’re married so that’s a bummer. 

BurlapnLace: thanks for your perspective. If some of the waiting bees find comfort in your words, that’s fantastic. However, I’m a big believer in actions speak louder than words, and if your current situation makes you unhappy, change something — what you want, what you do or who you’re with. 

If someone has found his or her life partner, then why not plan your lives together as a team?

Post # 8
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t understand the point of these type of posts. They seem like humblebrags disguised as “advice”. Essentially, you’re saying “look how great my life turned out by doing XYZ, so everyone else in a similar situation, take inspiration from that!”, when in reality your specific situation worked out in a way that the specific people involved are happy with, and is really in no way indicative of how someone else’s life will turn out.

So…I guess, good for you?

Post # 9
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

As Madonna once said, nothing takes the past away like the future.

Post # 10
Member
4147 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

sara_tiara:  You took the words out of my mouth.

Post # 12
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

BurlapnLace:  I agree with this post and your OP… I personally believe that you need to be ready and have stuff figured out before you’re engaged and then married because 50% of marriages end in divorce for a variety of reasons.  From my research I’ve noticed that a lot of the reasons include either money, not knowing one another well, not living together beforehand to get the first two reasons well known to each other or just plain rushing.  Marriage, to me anyways, is a huge step and I only plan on doing it once.  I’d rather break up while dating or engaged even rather than being married and having a bunch of legal shit to deal with after.

I appreciate your post!

Post # 13
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee

BurlapnLace:  holy shit haterade must be on sale today.

I’m right there with you, girl. FI and I will make 10 years together before our wedding in March. The waiting sucked when i was in it, but now it’s like i never had any anxiety over it at all. He needed the time, so i waited for him. I knew i wanted to be with HIM and no one else, so i let him mature and ponder over however long he needed. I might have bugged him some til he was done, but i wasn’t going anywhere. I’ve had quite a few friends meet, date, get engaged to, and marry their guys all while FI and i were still dating. Luckily for them, theyre all still married, but not without their issues. Some more serious than others. But we’re all human. and we all have our boudaries, limits, and can make our own decisions about our lives.

I think its great to give hope to those girls who are waiting right now. Its normal. Dont walk out on a man after 4 years of dating just because he isnt ready to make one of the biggest emotional and legal commitments of his life for the rest of his life. You are not alone out there. And yes, it gets better 🙂

Post # 15
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

BurlapnLace:  Don’t be bitter!  I was bitter once but then my friends had it worse so I felt better, and then I just found sweetness so now I’m not bitter anymore!  There’s light at the end of the tunnel, I promise.  Just hang in there.  🙂

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