Why your SO won't propose

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Honestly I think you should stop focusing on “wanting a ring” so bad and focus on your relationship…you guys haven’t been together that long and 6 months is very reasonable timeline so just shhhhhh and enjoy being a gf until he’s ready

Post # 4
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think if those are your reasons for waiting and you are both ok with that then that’s great and it’s what you should do. My SO says we’re waiting because he doesn’t have a job and therrefore the finances, even though I don’t want a ‘nice’ ring as he calls it. Really I think he’s always going to have finances as an excuse because it is unlikely he will ever make what he used to make before he got injured. I really think there is more to the story. Be glad you have a timeline, 6 months will fly by. The last discussion my boyfriend and I had about it he said he’d be fine waiting years, to which I assured him I wasn’t Fine with. I really think you have to make the decision as a couple. I have my own personal deadline for him, not that I would tell him that. I’m not into ultimatums. I just think if he hasn’t proposed by my deadline that he’s not that serious about marrying me. Again, i really think it depends on the couple.

 

Post # 5
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

It sounds like he has legitimate reasons for waiting! My SO is waiting due to money and money alone. He knows the ring isn’t super important to me, but he feels that 5 years together deserves an incredible ring and wants to save until he can afford to pay for my dream ring in cash. 

Post # 6
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

@Laurenskii:  +1000000

@Reneesmith741992:  My SO is waiting because we’re having my ring custom made, and we’ve just been putting money towards other things rather than finishing up paying for the ring lol. 

Post # 7
Member
1360 posts
Bumble bee

To answer your 1st question: 1- If you want a decently-sized nice wedding, being engaged less than a year will put a lot of stress on you. 2- That’s a good reason not to get engaged in February. January or March? Totally fine. 3- I don’t understand the relation between the 2 events. If anything, it says that he is willing to spend money on you, which is kind of an investment.

To answer your 2nd question, my SO is dragging his feet because he is dreading the wedding (not marriage itself). TBH, so am I, and this dread is making me very patient with the waiting. His words were “I want to be married to you, but not get married”. We both hate being in the spotlight, and we hate big parties with lots of people. But our parents want the big wedding thing so much (they want it even more than we don’t want it) and are willing to pay for it, so we’ve already agreed to go along with it.

Post # 8
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Laurenskii:  +1

OP, we all want rings. As many as we can comfortably fit on our fingers. A word of advice though: don’t get a piece of jewelry and the most important commitment of your life get muddled into one entity. You can have one without the other. Better yet, you can have a wonderful relationship without either right now. It may seem like a lot to you at the moment but in the grand scheme of things 1.5 years is nothing. 

Post # 9
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’ve been with my SO for 6 years this pasf Sunday and he’s making me wait because he just loves to see me squirm! Haha just kidding! He’s saving for a ring and were both saving for a wedding, house, etc so who knows when it’ll happen! He’s just a major planner and likes everything just perfect! I’ve been weirdly serene about waiting the last 6 months or so! It’ll happen and in the meantime he’s always up for chatting about weddings and stuff so I’m not going too nuts!! 

Post # 10
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Do you want a ring… or an engagement? Not to say that your relationship is unimportant or invalid, but 1.5 years is a blip on the radar of your lives. What’s the rush? Try not to focus on your need for a ring, but rather, focus on the love that you and your SO share. That will make the waiting a LOT easier. It sounds like he’s go some really legitimate reasons for waiting, and also keep in mind that men progress through relationships a LOT slower than women generally. And I don’t mean that he’s not ready, I can make that judgement about your relationship, but maybe he has a timeline that is more comfortable for him. Have the two of you discussed a timeline for the actual engagement?

Post # 11
Member
547 posts
Busy bee

SO and I have been together for 9 1/2 yrs. I wanted to get engaged when we had been together for 5 yrs or so. SO was not at all onboard and was a bit freaked out, even though we had been living together for 4 1/2 yrs at that point. I was pretty miffed and even cried about it. 

Now we have been talking about getting engaged for the past yr. He was just waiting for me to decide on a custom ring design. Thanks to the Bees, I have finally decided on a ring. So, I imagine we’ll be engaged in the next few months. I’m excited!

We won’t get married for at least four years. Neither of us are in a rush. The engagement is the next step.

Anyway, I don’t know what my point is! Maybe he point is it’ll happen when it happens and will be more exciting if you just chill and let it unfold.

Post # 12
Member
425 posts
Helper bee

Focus on building a marriage, not getting a ring.

The 6 months will fly by 🙂

Post # 14
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Laurenskii:  +1 agree.  Also, I too wonder how old you guys are.

Post # 15
Member
536 posts
Busy bee

[content modeerated for snark]

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