Why'd you have to do that?????

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

It sounds genuine to me.  I think it would take a pretty terrible person to send a card for any other subversive reasons in this situation, but you know her and I don’t, so only you can judge this one.  It sounds like something I’d do, though.  Even if I’ve had a falling out with someone, if they were considered a friend at one time and are going through something difficult like the loss of a loved one, then anger be damned, I still have a conscience and I’ll send them my regards.

So sorry to hear about your loss and also what your grandfather is going through.  Best of luck and lots of thoughts and prayers to you. x

Post # 4
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re going through. I would try to push it out of your mind and focus on your family right now. I hope it was just a nice gesture and didn’t have any hidden agenda. 

Post # 5
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Nona99:  I tihnk it is probably genuine. As your Fi has said, you don’t have to do anything for now. She’ll understand at the very least that you are busy. I think a simple thank you card when things have settled down a bit would be the right thing to do.

 

This is obviously a personal time for you, and this is none of my business, but is your ailing grandpa the husband of your recently passed grandma? If that is the case, their passing so closely together might be a blessing. I know it is painful for your and your family, but their not being seperated for long has it’s own upside. I am so sorry for you and your family. I hope that you are able to comfort and help each other during this difficult time.

 

Best wishes.

Post # 6
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Nona99:  Given the long history of your friendship and the fact that the falling out sounds like it was her FI’s fault (I hardly see how expecting your money to be returned is any reason for her to get mad at you), I would sincerely hope that it was a genuine gesture. Maybe she wants things to get back on track for the two of you, or maybe she just wanted to reach out and try and provide you with some comfort, but I agree with Mr. 99…now is not the time. You need to focus on your family and yourself for now and address things with her when you feel ready.

I am so sorry for everything you are going through. I imagine the loss of a pet on top of everything else you’re dealing with was just terrible 🙁

Post # 7
Member
3598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I hope she feels like crap over how the money thing went down and is being genuine.  Just put her out of your mind for now.  You can deal with her later.

Post # 10
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Nona99:  I definitely think it’s genuine. She was your best friend at some point and probably knew how close you are to your family.

You don’t have to respond to it yet. I think some months down the line, you can send her a thank you card. It certainly doesn’t mean you’ll be best friends again, but at least you acknowledged that you appreciated her gesture.

I’m praying for you and your family during this tough time.

Post # 11
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Nona99:  I think it’s probably a shock because you had resolved yourself to not having her in your life anymore. And now, here she is. Provided it’s genuine, I think it shows strong character on her part because she could have just as easily said nothing and not offered her help. I feel like she doesn’t want to give up on your friendship and still wants to have you in her life.

It’s unfortunate that it took a series of tragedies to make her reach out, but sometimes that is what snaps people into action. Hearing about someone dying makes us all realize our own mortality and no one wants regrets. Perhaps she wanted to reach out sooner but didn’t know how – as terrible as the situation is, it gave her the opportunity.

I think when the dust settles you need to evaluate how important the friendship is to you and if you are willing to try again with her. I don’t know the whole engagement ring story, but it sounds like it was more her FI’s fault. Having said that, they are a unit now so reuniting could still be tricky.

You sure don’t need the added stress now but maybe one day it will be worth trying for 🙂

Post # 12
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Nona99:  I’m sure those reunions will be very sweet. And I’m sorry that losses always seem to come close together (it was this way with my paternal and maternal grandmothers) I am sure your grandfather appreciates your being there for him, without holding him back. You’re doing great.

 

And as other posters have repeated, I think what’s best for you right now is to focus on your family. You can respond to the card later.

Post # 14
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think it was genuine, and just because she sent you a nice card doesn’t mean you have to “forgive and forget” so soon and call her up. If you do want to mend the friendship, I would wait a wait and let your life settle down, which it seems is your plan anyway.

Stay strong 🙂

Post # 15
Member
9253 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Nona99:  ((HUGS))  I think she’s reaching out to you.  Maybe she’s feeling guilty for what happened, as she should.  Try to put her on the back burner for now.  Let Mr 99 handle it.  You have enough stress as it is right now. 

If she’s reaching out to sincerely rekindle your friendship, maybe that’s a good thing!  Be hopeful but be cautious. 

Love you!!!

Post # 16
Member
9253 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MrsPanda99:  Post #10.  So well said!!

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