Wife's Facebook messages, cheating?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 4
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

It depends on what you and your wife consider cheating. I think you should talk to her.  She may not consider talking to someone (even flirting) to be cheating. 

I would consider this emotional cheating and be very upset. 

Edit: You must have posted your update right when I was posting. She may be making excuses or genuinely doesn’t consider it cheating. Still, your feelings are more important than those of her old friend. This would not be ok in my book.

Post # 5
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@theredtape:  yeahhhh that’s some messed up stuff. So sorry you’re going through this. I’d be gone if I were you. Sounds like she’s already planning how to get together with this guy in the future. Best of luck to you. 

Post # 6
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I personally would be incredibly upset if I found messages like this between my husband and another woman.

To me, yes, it’s emotional cheating.

Post # 7
Member
2062 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@theredtape:  I’m so sorry! It seems you are very upset by this and should let your wife know you are very uncomfortable with the conversation. It is important she understands your discomfort, acknolwedges it and is willing to take steps to reduce it. Emotional cheating or not, compromise is essential in a relationship.

Post # 8
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@theredtape:  oh man! That’s so messed up. I’m very sorry. Most, if not all are inappropriate and you SO ARE NOT overreacting. In my relationship – If you cannot write it,speak it or do it in front of your spouse then it is shady. Nip that in the bud please ASAP and be quite angry Because IMO that IS cheating. I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

Post # 9
Member
1506 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@theredtape:  That is not just flirting. She is 100% emotional cheating. I would be one pissed off Husband. This guy better watch out. And the wife would be sleeping in the garage.

Post # 10
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@theredtape:  Yikes. At the very least that is serious flirting. This is very inappropriate for a married person. (EDIT: And by flirting, I mean the sort of talk when you want to start a relationship, definitely not ok, a form of cheating).

As for the excuse in your 2nd post, (“I’m trying to cheer him up”) I’m sorry to say that’s straight out of the cheater’s handbook – i.e. I’ve heard of that excuse (or one a lot like it) used many times. Simple answer to that is: it’s not up to her to cheer him up, at least not in that way (with such flirty talk).

EDIT: p.s. Is the bit about sex 2-3 times in the last year accurate? In that case your relationship was in trouble already, unless there’s a good reason for that (like serious illness). That clearly needs work, and while I don’t excuse the flirting / emotional cheating, I can understand her frustration.

Post # 11
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I would personally consider this emotional cheating, yes.

Post # 12
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@theredtape:  i am not saying what she is doing is right but do you think that maybe she is just enjoying the attention?  it probably makes her feel 20 years younger as well. 

Post # 13
Member
2151 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

That is 100% emotional cheating to me. I don’t care what kind of relationship she used to have with this guy. I would be beyond upset if I found my FI was messaging another woman like that. I’m so sorry. 

Post # 14
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Ohhh hell no!  Especially what is the “required 12 times a year” BS!  She’s emotionally cheating and wants to physically cheat.  I’m sorry no great advice except get to a marriage therapist if you want to try to save the marriage.

Post # 15
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@theredtape:  definitely emotional cheating and you’re right to be upset. I’m so sorry. I found messages from my mom to a guy from her high school a few years back just like this. it was really very upsetting. When I talked about it in therapy the therapist said facebook is one of the no 1 causes of cheating now when people who only remember “good times” about each other are able to reconnect. I hope y’all get it sorted out. so sorry.

Post # 16
Member
7265 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I would definitely consider this emotional cheating, which is the same as any other cheating in my opinion. I’m sorry 🙁

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