Will family members get over it if they're not invited?

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: Will family members get over not being invited?
    Sure! They're adults and they'll understand. : (17 votes)
    19 %
    Eventually, but it may take some time. : (51 votes)
    57 %
    NEVER! : (19 votes)
    21 %
    Other (please explain) : (3 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    8389 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @ChicFoodist:  Depends on your relatives.  I personally don’t get offended when I don’t get invited to weddings because I don’t really care for them.  In fact, I’m usually relieved I don’t have to go.  Other people may feel differently.

    Post # 4
    11626 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think it really matters on the people in question.  Some people take these slights as the end of the world.  As long as you draw a firm line (No cousins at all), then it’ll minimize hurt feelings. 

    Post # 5
    7630 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Should they get over it? Yes.

    Will they? Hopefully. 

    For what it’s worth, I think 90% of people aren’t offended. I would draw a line like a pp said – no cousins on either side. It makes it a bit easier when there’s a perception of fairness.


    Post # 6
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @ChicFoodist:  We didn’t invite aunts or uncles at ALL to our 42 person wedding!

    ONE aunt made a big deal. The rest sent us cards and congratulated us on our “adult decision making and good financial sense”!

    Post # 7
    381 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    HA! I didnt invite an Aunt. She talks behind my back and doesnt even talk to me, call me, etc. Apparently she cried when she found out she wasnt invited. I was not expecting that reaction. Weddings seem to bring out weird shit from people you wont really know until the invites go out :/

    Post # 8
    150 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    We paid for our own wedding as well and had 85 people.  I don’t think it’s unreasonable to leave your parents cousins off.  We did the same thing.  It would’ve added about 20 additional people because they are all adults and married, PLUS most of them have adult children.  

    Post # 9
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    So long as you aren’t throwing a gigantic wedding where it will be obvious that they were snubbed by not being invited, you should be fine.  People are starting to realize that weddings are expensive and extended family members are not always invited to more intimate weddings.  You have to make the cut somewhere so do it and be firm.

    Post # 10
    2419 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Will they get over it? No, not necessarily. But then some people will always enjoy the opportunity to be offended. 

    Post # 11
    885 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I’m interested to see some replies from other bees in the situation.  My FI and I made the decision to not invite my dad’s first cousins (about 20 people) but I haven’t seen any of those people in over a year (hence why the aren’t invited to the wedding!)  Most of them are 60+, some even older than that, but I hope they will get over it.  I think as long as you draw a clear line (i.e., first cousins only, no great-aunts, etc) people should understand.

    Post # 12
    499 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I know I have two aunts who will probably be hurt by our actions, but they will deal.  We’ll give them some TLC at a houseparty later.

    I’m one of 4, FI is one of 3, our parents are all 1 of 5.  We have 5-15 cousins from each our mom and dad’s sides (something like 50, and many are our age with signifigant others.)

    So it’s going to be parents, grandparents 3 friends each…we want to keep it under 30

    Post # 13
    3769 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 1999

    As long as you set clear limits-no cousins at all. I think they will get over it. If you pick and choose some, but not all I think that would be worse.

    Are you sure all of these people would travel to the wedding anyways? Not that I think you should, but you could invite them if you expect a few will decline. But I do completly agree this is your and FI’s call to make.

    Post # 15
    111 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I wouldn’t dream of inviting all of my parents’ cousins.  That is ridiculous. They will get over it.

    Post # 16
    127 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    @ChicFoodist:  I haven’t even sent invites and already my family is upset bc I dont want to invite my first cousin, her baby daddy and her three children.  For your refernece, we’re having a 70 person wedding and I only see my cousin once a year at Thanksgiving.  I’ve realized there’s no pleasing everyone so stand your ground and be strong!  Hopefully they’ll get over it.

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