Post # 1
SO and I want a small, intimate wedding – ideally 50 people but we’re willing to go up to 70, no more. SO has a small family, so no problems on his end…but my family is huge! My mom has 3 sisters and tons of cousins, and my grandma has 3 sisters she’s close to, but most of them live abroad. My mom’s really close to her sisters so there’s no escaping inviting them. But her cousins, who she’s close-ish to, I’m not planning to invite.
She’s throwing up a fuss and says we HAVE TO. Because we’re paying for our own wedding, we’re calling all the shots and I just refuse. We see about 2-4 of her cousins on a somewhat regular basis though (they live in the States so we sometimes visit each other for Christmas), and she insists that they will be extremely offended for a very, very long time.
They’ll get over it though, won’t they? After a few awkward Christmases, everything should be somewhat fine, right? :S
Post # 3
@ChicFoodist: Depends on your relatives. I personally don’t get offended when I don’t get invited to weddings because I don’t really care for them. In fact, I’m usually relieved I don’t have to go. Other people may feel differently.
Post # 4
I think it really matters on the people in question. Some people take these slights as the end of the world. As long as you draw a firm line (No cousins at all), then it’ll minimize hurt feelings.
Post # 5
Should they get over it? Yes.
Will they? Hopefully.
For what it’s worth, I think 90% of people aren’t offended. I would draw a line like a pp said – no cousins on either side. It makes it a bit easier when there’s a perception of fairness.
Post # 6
@ChicFoodist: We didn’t invite aunts or uncles at ALL to our 42 person wedding!
ONE aunt made a big deal. The rest sent us cards and congratulated us on our “adult decision making and good financial sense”!
Post # 7
HA! I didnt invite an Aunt. She talks behind my back and doesnt even talk to me, call me, etc. Apparently she cried when she found out she wasnt invited. I was not expecting that reaction. Weddings seem to bring out weird shit from people you wont really know until the invites go out :/
Post # 8
We paid for our own wedding as well and had 85 people. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to leave your parents cousins off. We did the same thing. It would’ve added about 20 additional people because they are all adults and married, PLUS most of them have adult children.
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
So long as you aren’t throwing a gigantic wedding where it will be obvious that they were snubbed by not being invited, you should be fine. People are starting to realize that weddings are expensive and extended family members are not always invited to more intimate weddings. You have to make the cut somewhere so do it and be firm.
Post # 10
Will they get over it? No, not necessarily. But then some people will always enjoy the opportunity to be offended.
Post # 11
I’m interested to see some replies from other bees in the situation. My FI and I made the decision to not invite my dad’s first cousins (about 20 people) but I haven’t seen any of those people in over a year (hence why the aren’t invited to the wedding!) Most of them are 60+, some even older than that, but I hope they will get over it. I think as long as you draw a clear line (i.e., first cousins only, no great-aunts, etc) people should understand.
Post # 12
I know I have two aunts who will probably be hurt by our actions, but they will deal. We’ll give them some TLC at a houseparty later.
I’m one of 4, FI is one of 3, our parents are all 1 of 5. We have 5-15 cousins from each our mom and dad’s sides (something like 50, and many are our age with signifigant others.)
So it’s going to be parents, grandparents 3 friends each…we want to keep it under 30
Post # 13
As long as you set clear limits-no cousins at all. I think they will get over it. If you pick and choose some, but not all I think that would be worse.
Are you sure all of these people would travel to the wedding anyways? Not that I think you should, but you could invite them if you expect a few will decline. But I do completly agree this is your and FI’s call to make.
Post # 14
@ieatunicorns: Yeah, I’m pretty sure they will come if invited! They trekked all the way out to Toronto from Edmonton, Hong Kong, Japan, New Jersey, New York, and a handful of other States for my aunts’ weddings. >.<
@Steampunkbride: You are so right!!!
I think I just need to put my foot down. >.<
Post # 15
I wouldn’t dream of inviting all of my parents’ cousins. That is ridiculous. They will get over it.
Post # 16
@ChicFoodist: I haven’t even sent invites and already my family is upset bc I dont want to invite my first cousin, her baby daddy and her three children. For your refernece, we’re having a 70 person wedding and I only see my cousin once a year at Thanksgiving. I’ve realized there’s no pleasing everyone so stand your ground and be strong! Hopefully they’ll get over it.