Will I be judged for "upgrading" my ring?

posted 2 years ago in Rings
  • poll: Will you judge someone in my shoes?
    Yes : (35 votes)
    42 %
    No : (49 votes)
    58 %
  • Post # 2
    721 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    Congrats on the engagement.

    Have you discussed the change in ring settings with your FI? If he is on board with the setting change, nobody else’s opinions matter. If you coworkers want to judge you, that’s on them. That is out of your control.  Be happy with your upgraded ring, and move on. And if someone asks you, you tell them the truth. “I wanted a different setting.”

    Post # 3
    9859 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Chicpeas:  I wouldn’t worry so much about the opinion of others but if you are concerned why not get a wrap for your wedding band – that way you’ll have the blingy look after you’re married?

    Post # 4
    1377 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    Chicpeas:  If you’re concerned about judgemental people (which, I don’t blame you), why not get a halo wrap wedding band? That way you’re still ‘upgrading’ your ring, but at the same time getting the ring you want?


    Honestly – I think your attitude is fine. It’s going to sit on your finger the rest of your life – why should you be forced to stay with something that isn’t quite you? What does your FI think about resetting it? I would just ignore anyone with a negative opinion at work, and get what you and your FI feel comfortable getting. 

    Post # 5
    223 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    If your FI doesn’t mind you changing the setting, then I say who cares what everyone else thinks. Just say you and your FI changed it to fit more your style. 

    I have a .10 carat diamond silver ring and I’m upgrading to a 1920s platinum, 1.01 carat diamond ring after 4 months of marriage. Lol 

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  newbeelove.
    Post # 6
    250 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I voted yes because you will always be judged for anything you do in life that could be conceived as rude/selfish or whatever no matter how true your intentions are. 

    Will I judge you? No. Does it matter if I judge you? It really shouldn’t. You are going to wear this ring for the rest of your life. It should be something you’re happy with!! Do what’s best for you and your FI and don’t let the haters drag you down!

    (After reading this through, it sounds harsh but my intentions for this post was to be honest and straightforward!)

    Post # 7
    8589 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Congratulations on your engagement! And who cares what other people think! I’ve changed my engagement ring 4 times in 2 years and yeah I’m sure some people think I’m superficial and a bit crazy lol but I love diamonds and love changing it up, as my style frequently changes. My husband says he’s happy if I’m happy and doesn’t mind a bit. So do what makes you happy and if anyone has anything negative to say about it just remember that most likely they are jealous. 

    Post # 8
    5194 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

    Other people’s opinions should be irrelevant.  If you and your SO are in agreement, that’s all that matters.

    Post # 9
    337 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Congrats on the engagement and upcoming wedding!

    My best friend didn’t necessarily upgrate TO a halo, but she changed her halo because she was very OCD about it and concerned because her ring is a princess center stone with a round/cushion halo. She changed it to a square halo to match the stone and she’s so much happier. I don’t even remember her mentioning how her husband felt about it or how she thought other people might feel, probably because it doesn’t matter!! (Husband matters, but you’re the one who has to wear it the rest of your life!) If he’s ok with it to, then go for it and eff everyone else!!

    Post # 10
    3239 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 1997

    If your FI is onboard, then all you need to tell your coworkers (if they would ever be so incredibly rude as to ask) is that he proposed with a solitaire so that you could later choose the setting of your choice. Say you two planned it that way. In the end, as long as you and FI are happy, it is no one else’s business.

    Post # 11
    1622 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Cape May

    You don’t owe any one an explanation. It’s between you and your  FI when you upgrade or change a setting. FWIW I also reset my ring before our upcoming wedding. I felt it most important to be married with the ring I plan on keeping. I didn’t want to have a whole new ring after the wedding. Plus this way you can pick the wedding band to match the new setting. 

    Post # 12
    1317 posts
    Bumble bee

    Yes you will probably be judged by some, but it’s whether you care and take that to heart that matters. For me, the idea of an upgrade because someone ‘never got to choose my own ring’, doesn’t sit well. But each to their own and what others do doesn’t impact my life so what people think shouldn’t impact yours. What matters is if you and fi are both happy for the change and ok for some people to see you as materialistic (I’m not saying you are, just that that will be the impression by some people) as the sentimental value Is kinda gone. 

    Post # 13
    6685 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Opinions are like you know what.  Everyone has one.  Some of those opinions may  be that they liked the look of your original solitaire and that it’s  silly that you felt  the need to add the halo.  Some may love the bling of the new setting.  Most people  are not  going to care or even notice. All that really counts is how you and FI feel.

    If they are that nosy, are your colleagues really so familiar with your engagement story that they know why you started out with a solitaire?  For all they know this setting was an heirloom or a place holder and you and FI were waiting for a custom setting to be made.

    You have nothing to defend or justify. If someone does ask I’d have no problem just saying the setting was in the works from the start. Which it was, in your mind. 

    Post # 14
    19 posts
    • Wedding: October 2014

    How does your fiance sincerely feel about this? If he’s fine with it, then go ahead and do it. Who cares what people think. My fiance chose my ring and I know it would hurt his feelings if I went and changed it. While it may have not been the exact design I would have chosen, I think it’s beautiful and I love it because he chose it.

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