(Closed) Will I ever be happy?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow that sounds rough.  Could you sit down with your parents and have a heart to heart? Let them though the pressure they are putting on you is very difficult to deal with and you only get to be engaged once and you want to enjoy it as much as possible? Also list out all those reasons you told us here for them.  Also explain that if they are paying for the wedding the invitation will absolutly be reflecting that your parents are the "hosts". This wedding is about you and your finance not anyone’s parents so stick to you guns, you should be able to get married whereever you want!!

Post # 4
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Mr. Rain and I are in a similar situation. His parent’s home-town is not HIS home town. And my home town is just too far away. It makes the most sense for us to have our wedding in the town we both call home right now. If they do not understand why you chose the location that you did then explain it to them. Help them understand why, even if it is not the choice THEY think you should have made. Tell them they don’t have to understand it, but you do expect them to respect it and to stop making you feel guilty. You are an adult planning your wedding– you have every right to expect more from them with regards to this situation!

If your parents are like mine they are not always good at listening without interrupting. Maybe you could write them a letter. You could even call them to tell them you are sending them a letter and you would like them to read it with an open mind and then call you to discuss it afterwards.

((hugs))

And good luck!

Post # 5
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Are your parents paying for the wedding?  If so, you might have some troubles just laying down the law.  Of course that’s not to say, that if you were paying for your own wedding, that they wouldn’t express dislike for some stuff.

How many people live in their town, that would be inconvenienced by you having your wedding where you are?  You said they moved, so I’m thinking even their families aren’t there.

 

Post # 6
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’ve had a similar situation, but almost in reverse. My mom wanted us to get married where we live now, rather than where both my fiance and I grew up and where she lives still. After listing the reasoning behind it (expense was one of them, principle was another), and I had done research on vendors near where I grew up. After not finding a suitable venue for our price, we relocated the wedding to south Florida, where fiances mom lives. Well mom got rippin’ pissed about having a destination wedding, despite her wanting me to have a wedding where I live now which would be a destination wedding for most guests. She questioned our relationship (out of the blue…we’d been together for years, he asked her permission to ask me to marry him) and said the line about "controling you" just as yours said to you. Come down to it, it had to do with a lack of communication rather than the location, and even though we are paying for the party, mom felt slighted not even being asked her opinion on anything. Best thing you can do is try to let her know your reasoning in whatever way you can. Sometimes the ‘lay down the law’ idea isnt the best way to deal with parents that have it in their head that they know what’s best.

Post # 7
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

I agree with Tanya about having problems laying down the law if they’re paying for the wedding. Personally, I think you need to decide – soon – whether you want to have the wedding in your town or theirs, and make it a non-issue. As in, not up for discussion. If your parents are paying for most of the wedding, it might save you a lot of trouble in the long run to just have the wedding in their town (because it sounds like they’re not dropping it and it’s causing a lot of pain for you), but if you decide to hold the wedding there, just try to make it look like your decision as much as possible.

It might just be that you haven’t made it clear to your parents that you really, really want to have the wedding in your town. If they think your fiance is pressuring you into it that may explain why they’re constantly bringing it up – because they want to see you "stand up" to him, when you really need to be standing up to *them*. Just set your boundaries and stick to them.

Post # 9
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Do they insist on paying for the bulk of the wedding? If not, maybe u & ur FI can pay for whatever difference that makes ur location more expensive. In that way, you may feel more justified exertiinig more control over your planning.

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