pamd26: Please read this: https://www.themuse.com/advice/singledom-stress-how-to-survive-when-everyones-getting-married
She says everything I want to say to you very succinctly. I actually came across this while googling because I didn’t have time to write a long text response and sent it to a friend in your exact same situation expressing the same feelings today.
I also saw that one of my friends posted this on Facebook today: http://www.philosophersmail.com/relationships/how-we-end-up-marrying-the-wrong-people/
I think it’s relatively good advice (though I don’t 100% agree with it) for anyone looking to start a romantic relationship at some point in the future or improve the relationship they have.
You should feel proud about leaving that jerk of an ex-boyfriend. You deserve more than an emotionally abusive relationship, and that is not something you should build the foundation of a lifetime relationship on. It is far better to be alone than to be in an abusive relationship. Think about it and I think you’ll agree.
I also want to emphasize that even though it m ight not feel that way, you are still relatively young. You have plenty of time to meet someone…and not just do that, but also work on turning yourself into the woman that you want to be. I think that using your time wisely to build a strong future for yourself is only going to make you a more attractive partner.
If you want to find a serious relationship, I don’t think you should waste time on guys who just want to sleep around. Unless you want to, but that has never been my style. I do think that if you’re only or mainly attracting those sorts of guys and you want something different, you need to analyze what could be going wrong and make some changes in the way you approach meeting guys. Are you going for guys that all have a similar personality which has qualities that end up letting you down? Maybe you should go for a guy with a different type of personality next time. Are you meeting guys the wrong way somehow? I don’t know what kind of dating websites you’ve tried but a couple of my friends living in big cities have had success with finding long-term relationships through OKCupid. Are you finding guys who are not mentally mature? That’s quite possible. Do you live in an area where there are not many available guys in the age range appropriate for you? I find this highly unlikely, but I figured I’d ask to give you another example of a factor you could potentially analyze. Take some time to analyze what has gone wrong and learn from your experiences for next time.
Again, don’t panic, just take what you realize into consideration. As I said, you’re still quite young and I think you have more important things to focus on (education, career, etc), but you should make some time to date and I wish you lots of luck and happiness!
Btw, I know this sounds cliche but I honestly have had the best luck when I’ve sworn off guys and decided to focus on what makes me happy and what is good for my personal development. Lastly, a piece of advice I received from a wise person once when I was expressing that I just wanted to fast forward a couple of years into the future was, “Don’t wish your life away. It’s a waste of time, and you will regret it. Some things are supposed to come with time, but make the most of every moment you’ve been given.” That is not to say that your feelings are not valid, but rather that I don’t think you should focus on them excessively. 🙂
P.S. As a PP said, comparison is the thief of joy. I’m 25 and I have had a committed boyfriend for a few years, but we’re still not engaged. Instead of focusing on that, I focus on the things that I want to achieve for myself, the person I want to be, and the things about our relationship that make me happy/reasons why I’m with him. I think most people are somewhat envious by nature, but it’s wise to mitigate that with the things that are going to set you on the track to be the person you want to be and make you feel good.
I have many friends who are or have been in situations similar to yours. Generally, from what I have seen, things have turned out well when they have taken the time to focus on things that they could control, such as their career or interests. This is why that is one of the things I am suggesting to you. Focus on the things you can control, while still putting yourself out there to meet a whole host of different types of people with different personalities…and I think you will find someone to have a relationship with eventually. Being in a place where you are becoming the person you want to be, whether or not you are in a relationship, will help you feel great about yourself and if you’re happy with what you’re doing and who you are that is going to make you act in a way that will attract people to you, whether as friends or something else. An optimistic, generally happy personable person will attract many friends and admirers. Focus on doing things that are going to be good for you long-term and making yourself happy in the now.