Post # 1
I’m a new bee. Have made a couple of posts but no one is really responding. Truth is, I’m extremely down and sad about the end of yet another relationship. I’m starting to feel like a failure. I’m always told at the end that I’m a sweet girl, great wife material and should be proud of my accomplishments…but they always say this as they walk out the door. My exes usually come back, I assume for this reason, but it’s always after I’ve moved on. I really thought my ex SO had potential. I’m 27, an attorney etc etc and I do have a lot to proud of, but it’s really hard to remember that when the person I love walks away from me. All of my friends are getting engaged and married and I’m just wondering what is wrong…with me? Idk. Don’t really expect responses….just need to put pen to my feelings. Itd be ni e to get some feedback. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who feels this way.
Post # 2
There is someone out there for you. You need to stop holding out hope for guys who have dumped you. 27 is plenty young. I know some people who weren’t married (for the first time) until their 30s or even 40s. Just enjoy life, be you, do what makes you happy, and don’t let a man (or lack of a man) keep you from living life to the fullest. Invest in yourself- everything else will fall into place
Post # 3
canthelpbuthope: So why are they breaking up with you? Are they giving you a reason?
Barring some sort of glaring personality flaw that you’re not mentioning, it doesn’t seem like there is anything wrong with you. You just haven’t found the right person yet. Trust me, just because you are educated and good wife material, doesn’t mean you will connect with just anyone.
Post # 4
canthelpbuthope: trust me honey, you’re not alone! As PPs have said, you’re only 27, enjoy your life, date, have relationships, take this pressure off of yourself. Everything happens for a reason including the guys that come in and out of your life. At the right time, the right guy will come along and you’ll look back at your 27 year-old self and wonder why you wasted all that time worrying and being down.
I’ve been where you are now, my guy didn’t come into my life until I was 32 and even then, we had our ups and downs. We were finally married this past June, a week after my 40th birthday.
Post # 5
I never dated anyone longer than 4 months before I met my husband (when I was 30).
Post # 6
canthelpbuthope: there is always time..its fleeting sure, but its there. look at it as a blessing in disguise. i second the PP. look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are a great person, you have to actually believe it…u conquered the LSAT and law school so everyone feels like u have so much to be proud of and that u should be super confident, but ur post comes off as if u arent confident at all. it doesnt matter if evryone else tells u that u are great, thats nice and all, but it will do nothing for ur self esteem if u dont believe it.
I agree with the idea of investing in yourself. dont worry about all ur friends getting engaged – its not a race. do what makes u happy, findyour nitche and prince charming will come along. he usually comes when u are least expecting it. stop feeling crappy about yourself and pull yourself up by ur bootstraps and live !!!everything will happen the way its supposed to. nothing, absolutely nothing blocks fate.
best of luck OP
Post # 7
canthelpbuthope: most of my friends had no serious SO prior to their husband. Most of them have met at 26 or older (i’m 31).
You’ll find someone!
Post # 8
canthelpbuthope: I went through a six-year dry spell before I met DH. If I knew that ahead of time, I would have drastically lowered my standards. Looking back, it’s the best thing that’s happened to me because I needed that time to figure myself out. I don’t mean this in a mean way, but you might want to stay away from the wedding and baby-related boards here. For me, it would only make me more aware of what I don’t have.
Post # 9
canthelpbuthope: I’m sorry 🙁 this all sucks. All you can really do is evaluate your own behavior to see if any of that is contributing to this dynamic. Is there a flaw in the type of guy you tend to date? I have a girlfriend who is a doctor, she’s sweet, kind, a great cook, and gorgeous- but she dates jerk after jerk. I can tell these guys are jerks in about 10 minutes, but she just isn’t a great judge of people. She sees the good in people amost to a fault and doesn’t have great guy radar, she doesn’t know why she has such”bad luck”. Another friend of mine who is also gorgeous, funny, talented, etc. always goes for guys who are emotionally unavailable, and she falls in love at the drop of a hat. She rearranges her whole life for them, and they ditch her over and over. Meanwhile she overlooks the super madly in love with her sweet and kind guys as not being “something” enough, even though they’d probably treat her like an absolute queen.
Maybe ask your friends for their honest opinon? They might have insight, but I feel like with this stuff I’m never going to say anything unless I’m directly asked. Try to figure out the common factor in these relationships/guys. Unfortunately, this kind of assessment and personal honesty is really all you can do. 🙂 best of luck to you and big hugs.
Post # 10
canthelpbuthope: do not think that this is it…you’ll never find anyone…you’ll be alone forever at your age – 27 is young!!! have fun!!! i met my husband when i was 30, and just got married at 33. i remember feeling the way you do at your age…but you have to know that there’s a reason and just enjoy your life 🙂
Post # 11
Don’t stress, I’ll be getting married in a March, only one month before I turn 30. You will find someone
Post # 12
canthelpbuthope: You are totally not alone. I am almost 29 and ALL of my friends are married, engaged or have children and I definitely feel like the odd one out all of the time. I am in a fairly new relationship that is going well, but before that I had a handful of failed relationships and the guy always came around trying to get back together after I moved on. People tell me I have a ton to offer too… and I always wonder why no guy I dated ever put a ring on it if that is the case.
Lately I have seriously been trying to put an end to the pity party. It isn’t even worth stressing over because the grass is not always greener. At the end of the day I wouldn’t even want to trade places with my married friends. I like myself and my life just fine. Join me in putting an end to the pity party for ourselves… who knows… we could have something great in store for us!
Post # 13
- Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base
I know you are going to hate me saying you are young. So without saying it I will say I got married at 26 an it was the worst mistake of my life. I was young and thought love was enough. Now that I am planning my second marriage at 45 I am so happy. Mature love is so much better. Mature love doesn’t necessarily mean “old”. Mature love is also when the person loves you with respect.
Post # 14
Funny, I could have written your post at the age of 27. Can I ask who the friends are that you are comparing yourself to, are they comparably educated attorneys? The reason I ask is because women who invest more in their education and early career years will naturally get married later than women who invest comparably less. Also, women in your position are interacting with men who are investing in themselves and who don’t start to think about “something more” until at least early-mid 30s. Some are terrible and want to “succeed” first and so they’re not ready until 40! There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s just your peer group. I would expect that in the next 5 years you will find yourself in a committed relationship. I saw this happen over and over again among my peers from the age of 27-32.
Yea, the only more tangible piece of advice that I would offer is don’t necessarily overlook the madly in love with you sweet, kind guys. Having expectations that are high is appropriate, but too high is problematic.
Post # 15
All of my past boyfriends could not commit. The last one, we had a “mutual” breakup after 2.5 years where it pretty much ended because he couldn’t even *talk* about us moving in together. As we were breaking up, he kept saying how great I was and how I’d be great wife material, blah blah blah. I also feel that I AM pretty darn awesome, cute, and accomplished (I’m also an attorney). Anyway, I felt the same as you. I kept questioning what is wrong with me if even this guy can’t see a future with me?! (I will admit I think I lowered my standards dating this person). After I made the decision to move on, though, I had maybe one sad week of mourning and then was able to see how much of an a$$ he was for dumping someone as awesome as me.
A few months later and I have met someone new who really appreciates me and is not afraid of committment. He’s also a total hunk and a total gentleman 🙂 Of course, I do not want to count my chickens before they hatch, and we are just dating… But long story short, the sooner you move on, the better. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
If you think you have a tendency to act a certain way in a relationship, you may benefit from certain self-help books like “Why Men Love Bitches,” and “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Yes, they both sound crude but they are pretty insightful for us nice girls.