(Closed) Will I forever be this awkward?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
616 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@SweetRose2011: Just wanted to say that I always enjoy reading your posts :-). You seem like such a nice person, I honestly think you would be a fun person to hang around. I sincerely understand feeling socially “awkward”. I often feel this way as well. If this person is your true BFF, they will accept you as is and understand. Also, from personal experience, a person doesn’t necessarily come off as badly as they feel. I often feel awkward, and would often ask people if I was being friendly enough. I am a rather quiet person and I have a hard time with eye contact (family related issues caused). It was not until this year that I realized that I do not come off as bad as I feel. I completed a double internship this past spring and I had a mentor there. I would often ask her if I was “coming off” ok when I was dealing with people. She told me that I never came off awkward, just a little nervous. This makes sense, as I suffer from an anxiety disorder (Panic Disorder). After I dealt with the Panic Disorder, I developed confidence and realized that I was more sensitive to how I was coming off than others were. Once I became more confident, people were more accepting of me and I was able to be myself. I still struggle. My FI tells me he wishes I could “be myself”, the way I am with him, around his family. They see me as being too quiet and as not being a social person. When I am with FI, I am silly, fun, and very talkative. Sometimes too talkative lol. I think building confidence really helps with awkwardness. I needed to remind myself that I am just as good as everyone else and that I am worth being heard. If someone thinks I am weird, who cares? I know that it is a hard thing to do, but once you do it it really helps. Ironically, IMO people accept you more when you don’t give a sh** about what they think LOL. The more you concern yourself with their perception of you, the more awkward you come off (at least for me). Hope this helps :-).

Post # 5
Member
616 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@SweetRose2011: any time :-). Have a wonderful weekend!

Post # 6
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It just sounds like you need some confidence so you realize that you are an interesting person and people want to get together with you.  It will get better with practice I’m sure!

My husband and I haven’t had anyone over to our house here so I’m sure I’d be just as awkward.

Post # 7
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Yah it sounds like you may have social anxiety.  I wrestled with that for a long time, and finally licked it through a combination of exercise, relaxation techniques, and public speaking practice.

Try some of these relaxation techniques before and during a social gathering.  They changed my life!

http://www.guidetopsychology.com/autogen.htm

Post # 9
Member
1001 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

It also kind of sounds like the boyfriend was a dud, too.  Not understanding one game and being completely disinterested in another would totally annoy me.  Was he friendly/chatty?

Post # 11
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Ahhh..social anxiety. I’ve got it, too!

 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
2006 posts
Buzzing bee

I think it was more his problem than yours this time. When you are invited to someone’s home you act as a gracious guest and participate in the activities offered, whether you enjoy them or not. Unless of course you are asking them to do something illegal, haha :p

Post # 14
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

BTW, one tip I got years ago, and it has helped:

People love to talk about themselves. IT’s pretty much human nature. So if you feel conversations are waning, perhaps as the person you are speaking with somethinga bout their job, family, pet, hobbies, etc.

Sometimes it is hard to understand that it’s ok if you don’t fill the air with conversation at every moment. Sometimes it’s ok not to talk.

Post # 15
Member
2006 posts
Buzzing bee

That is why I said it was his problem this time.

I honestly get where you are coming from. I have zero social anxiety around people I don’t know or when I’m not in my own home. Oddly I get anxious around some of the people I am closest to or when I invite someone to my home, I’m always worried I’m not interesting enough and they would rather hang out with someone else.

But I realized I obviously must be interesting/likable enough because people still invite me out and want to come hang out at my house. That is the only thing that gets me over my awkwardness.

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