(Closed) Will I really regret this?

posted 8 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i would not let her get to you… tell her youre walking with fi end of story. i had the same problem except my dad was trying to make me feel bad for having my mom walk me down the aisle… i hardly know my dad and my mom is my best friend so she was the obvious choice. you cant make everyone happy, but it is your desicion so do what makes you and fi happy 🙂

Post # 4
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think the reason your mom came across as beligerent is probably because she is hurt by your decision, even though she probably knows you aren’t close to your dad. I suggest writing everything down as to why it is important you both you and your FI to walk together up the aisle. She may just need a visual and for you to explain in more detail why you want it that way.

Post # 5
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Once money gets involved, it can be really complicated. But it’s still your day. I think you should walk with your fiance!

Post # 6
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I can really relate to this.  I had something similar happen with my family.  That is a hard call.  WHY are they being so insistent about you walking with your dad?  So they feel appreciated?  So they can maintain appearances?  So they can show they “paid?”  (Just thinking of possibilites.)  This is such a tough situaton, because it is your wedding, but I know how family can be.  And, they pushed you into this.  I think however, when it comes to the aisle- a bride should do what a bride wants to do.

Post # 7
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

That’s a hard one, I mean yeah you accpeted her offer to pay for the wedding and that give her say over how things are done, BUT that doesn’t mean she can get belligerent when you tell her how you want to enter into your marriage! If you feel that this is something that you can’t do then I would sit her down and calmly speak with her about how this wedding is for her and that she reign over all decisions concerning the wedding, but that when it comes down to you enteringinto a  marriage with your FI the two of you will be walking in together.  She probably has had a piture of you and your father walking down together since you were little and doesn’t want that picture gone.  I think it all really just depends on if you feel that this is worth the fight or not.  Good luck!!!

Post # 8
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

PS- you are asking if you will regret this- but WHAT would you regret?  Doing something that makes them guilt you- that isn’t a good reason not to.  Know what I mean?

Post # 10
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

What about canceling the wedding and having the ceremony that you wanted to begin with?

 

Post # 11
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh, dear yes-

Don’t blame yourself.  We naturally want to see the best in people, and we want to believe that they will be who/ what we need them to be.  And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.  Maybe for you, you feel like not having them walk you down the aisle is asserting some sort of independence from them- that you are craving.  Maybe you feel like it is just being more honest.  It is healthy to take your space.  I think most people come to a place where they have to assert themselves and take a step (away) from their parents.  I too hoped that everyone in my family would “pull through” for me, and it is difficult when they don’t.  I just thought they were so much better than they could be.  That is part of being human (people being disappointing, and also our trust and belief that they won’t be-) and that is fine, but at times we have to do what we have to do.  We have to do what is right for us.  We are responsible for ourselves, and we can’t make other people happy. 

And sometimes, I think for me, if my parents didn’t try to force me to do something, maybe I would be more interested in doing it.  I think sometimes I crave respect.  However, this has also led (at times) to self defeating rebellion.  

If this matters to you, and it is right for you, do it.

Post # 13
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

maybe a nice compromise would be to walk with your fiance like you want, and then kiss both your mom and your dad at the end of the aisle before the ceremony starts. that way you get the feeling of equality you want, but still the tradition of honoring your parents, which is what she wants.

 

(this is what i did, except that i walked by myself. no hard feelings towards my parents, but i’ve been with my now husband for 10 years, so it’s not like they’re giving me away or anything. just felt right.)

Post # 15
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Go with what you want. Explain your reasoning and stick with your original plans!

Post # 16
Member
2344 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My dad didn’t walk me down the aisle — my brother did. It felt more right to me. My dad and I have a strained relationship and he was unfaithful to my mother, and so it wouldn’t have felt right for me to literally enter into my marriage by his side. A lot of people didn’t understand my decision but in the end I was so happy. I was worried I would regret it but I absolutely didn’t. Here are my brother and I: 

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