Will I Regret This?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
3341 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think given the circumstances you should NOT feel guilty about not inviting him!

Post # 5
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Mrs_Miklawesome:  Speaking as someone who has a very similar relationship with the biological unit… I will tell you that I did not regret not telling or inviting my bio father to my first wedding. I didn’t miss him one little bit. I won’t be telling/inviting him if I ever get married a second time either. Just my few cents.

Post # 6
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m not normally someone who believes in leaving parents off the guest list but in your case it is difficult to see any reason why he should expect an invitation. 

Post # 8
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

No freaking way would I invite that jerk!

Post # 9
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Mrs_Miklawesome:  I think, given your circumstances, you will not regret excluding him from your wedding day. He has done too many things to you and your family that I, personally, find unforgiveable. No thanks.

Post # 10
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You should definitely not feel guilty about inviting your father. Not at all.

Post # 11
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

Life is long.  The stress of your history with him has no place on your wedding day.  You might reconcile later in life when your confidence and maturity have over-shadowed your feelings of resentment, or you might not.  It doesn’t sound like you are ready to do it now, and trying will only stress you out more.  Don’t worry about not having him at your wedding being a missed milestone.  If you guys form a bond in later life, maybe he’ll cheer at your children’s graduations or dance at their weddings.  There will be no shortage of important events in your future that you can choose to include him in when/if it feels right. If his health deteriorates before you reconcile, you won’t have as much of a loss to mourn.

Post # 12
Member
3596 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I highly doubt it, as you can’t miss something you never had. He sounds toxic and it sounds like he hasn’t changed. Keep your wedding day full of people who loved and supported you, and will bring calm and love not drama.

Post # 13
Member
8426 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

My father was never around for me, and when he was around, he was extremely abusive.  When he passed away, after my mother divorced him, he left us with a $500k debt.  I had the chance to see him when he was dying, but I chose not to and I don’t regret it one bit.  Some people are toxic and don’t deserve to be acknowledged.

Post # 14
Member
3721 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I had a similar (lack of) relationship with my father. I didn’t invite him. I don’t regret it at all!

Post # 15
Member
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

@Mrs_Miklawesome:

I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t.  Everyone’s different though when it comes to family.  I’ve known a couple people who will stand by their parents even through abuse and rape.  Sure they normally leave for a bit but they instantly regret it and go straight back to that toxic life style.  Some just truly care a lot more about blood than I think they should.

Even you do regret it I still think you should tell him you want nothing to do with him.  That’s just my opinion though.

Post # 16
Member
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am of the opinion you may choose who you want as part of your “real” family.

This means you can exclude biological relations that have been toxic to you and/or your loved ones.  This guy only happened to contribute half your chromosomal make-up without accepting any of the responsibilities or sensibilities.  That doesn’t make him much of a real father, so don’t feel guilty.

No invitation, no regrets.

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