Post # 1
This question has been on my mind for a while. One of my BMs is pregnant with her first child and due in Jan 2013. I am very happy for her but I keep thinking about whether she can cope during my wedding.
Any bees who are mums – can you tell me whether a 4 month old baby requires a mothers constant attention? Breast feeding etc? (I don’t have any children so have no idea!)
I don’t want to come across as a selfish bride. I don’t want her to feel pressured on the day. She will have 4 months to fit into her bridesmaids dress so that’s pressure too.
Maybe I should ask her to be a guest so she can enjoy the wedding rather than worry about her baby and being there for me? What do you think?
(Edit: I forgot to put that her husband will be taking care of the baby at the wedding but just wondering if the baby will require the mother’s constant attention too?)
Post # 3
If you’ve already asked her to be a BM then you are kind of stuck unless she indicates she won’t be able to handle it. Is it her first baby? She may be a bit more overwhelmed if it is. But by 4 months she should have a pretty good grasp on feeding and changing schedules. I’m sure it will be fine, but maybe have a conversation with her and bring up your concerns. You only want what is best for her and her new baby so just be honest and tell her that.
Post # 4
I think she will be ok but why don’t you take her out to lunch and ask her around February?
Post # 5
I think you should let your friend handle it. I’m sure she will be able to handle it. She told you she would be your bridesmaid. She knows what she’s going to have to do (pictures and all that). The husband it there and will care for the baby. If it’s too much they might be able to get a family member to care for the baby for the day. I know I would be really hurt if my friend had a conversation with me about having a baby and being a bridesmaid.
Post # 6
a 4 month old does need lots of mommy attention if she chooses to breast feed. Give it a little time & then check in with her.
Post # 7
my baby will be 4 months old at my wedding. Im sure she will manage just fine.
Post # 8
honestly, I’d let your friend worry about this rather than deciding for her what she can or can’t handle. I’m sure she would be offended if you asked her to step down.
Post # 9
@finnaroo: +1. There are a lot of possible solutions that she can use in order to be a BM at your wedding. Her husband or another family member can care for the baby. If she’s breast feeding, she can pump in advance so she won’t need to breast feed. She can take a short break every few hours to feed the baby. The bottom line is to let her decide.
Post # 10
If you want a friend after the wedding, dont ask her to step down or even bring it up.
Yes, babies need lots of attention. But moms also need time to themselves and have fun. In the real world, unless the mom is the type who needs to be with her baby every second, 4 months old the baby will be just fine with daddy.
Post # 11
@kjo: + a million
It really depends on the type of person she is. My FSIL is a clinger, and has to be around her son every second. Another friend of ours was back at work (for meetings only) when her daugher was 6 weeks (though she was encouraged to bring the baby with her). She and her husband go out without the baby pretty frequently (for being new parents, anyway), and the baby is just fine.
Post # 12
yeah I would just casually bring it up closer to the wedding and let her know youwouldnt be offended if she stepped down and that you will still treat her as a royal guest or something. But some moms are super moms and some are just get by moms, so just go with the flow and let her decide and give her the out at any time.