Post # 1
my siblings (younger) are semi-excited about our wedding but my parents arent. his parents are excited about it but his siblings (older) arent. (i should mention all our siblings are in the wedding party and none are married). we’re planning it all ourselves (and paying for ~ 2/3 of it ourselves- the other 1/3 is from his parents). it’s 10 months away & we aren’t bride/groomzillas, just want some feedback about basic choices (like reception sites!!) without a blank stare or changing the subject.
i know we cant force anyone to be jumping up and down for joy, and we should be thankful for the few people who are doing half-jumps, but how can my fiance & i get our (whole) family involved to get the spirits up? we are really happy, are spending a ton on the wedding to have a good time & just want our immediates to feel involved and at least pretend to care! it’s really starting to deflate OUR excitedness about the wedding that we’re spending so much time planning. help!
Post # 3
Don’t let their lack of enthusiasm deflate your level of joy in planning a great day. Feed off of those who are excited for you, like your wedding party. Maybe because you two are paying for the majority of your wedding, they don’t feel comfortable giving any input in fear they may offend you and stir up controversy. Or, some people just don’t see all the hoopla about planning a wedding (oh the shame!).
My best advice is be confident in your decisions between you and your fiance, and you can talk more about your wedding with people that are supportive. Maybe when you stop talking about your wedding, your family will start to get curious and be intrigued…
Post # 4
I totally understand how you feel. Neither of our sets of parents are excited about the wedding and rarely bring it up for any reason. I was disappointed by this at first because I’d always dreamed of having a really supportive family who loved my fiance and in-laws who loved me, who all helped us plan the wedding we wanted. I thought something was wrong when this didn’t happen.
I’ve realized that my expectations were a little out of touch with reality. It’s hard to find two separate families where all the members get along really well with each of the others and all are super supportive. It’s great when that does happen, but perhaps naive to expect it. Also sometimes you get caught up in wedding planning and forget that it’s not super exciting to everyone. And as chill said, maybe they’re afraid of stepping on your toes by offering their opinion if you are the ones paying for most things.
I’ve found that although their lack of enthusiasm was disappointing at first, it can be a blessing. They haven’t come forth with too many suggestions about how the wedding should unfold, and therefore I’ve been able to plan things exactly the way I want it without upsetting anyone. The less opinions you have to worry about, the better with regards to making decisions everyone is happy with.
And you have a supportive community here who love to talk about weddings. Talk about it with those that are excited 🙂 Try to keep your families involved by asking their opinions (IF you want their opinions!) and maybe some excitement will follow.
Post # 5
I know what you’re going through, too. FI’s mom finds it her mission to insult every decision I make, complain about everything. My own parents are uninterested in anything and keep telling me I’m making it into too much of a "big deal".
I wipe my tears and bombard FI with my questions and make him help with decision.
Post # 6
We had a similar experience; we paid for everything ourselves, and our families were not very involved. In fact, DH’s family (they live on another island, so it involves air travel to see us) mostly grumbled about all the inconveiences that would be involved. We knew they weren’t unhappy or anything, and in fact, were very happy for us, but the wedding thing just wasn’t exciting them.
As it got closer, though, they did seem to get a bit more "into" it. My family, too, wasn’t super into it. They did seem to get a little more excited and at least engaged in the process when I started assigning them tasks to do, or brought my craftsy projects over to their house to work on.
We just decided we had to live with the fact that our families were never going to really get into the "spirit of things" and instead relied on friends who were super interested and involved to boost our enthusiasm.
Post # 7
OMG I am SO SORRY to you all. I am a MOB, and I am really excited, paying for 90% of the wedding, and helping my daughter at every turn (in fact I have to be careful not to be ‘too much’ help.)
The MOG is taking a little less interest (well a lot less).
I’m sorry to read your posts girls. I’m sure you will have a beautiful wedding, and the parents will get ‘on board’ probably closer to the date.
Post # 8
i’m bummed to read this post but can can relate in a small, small way. When planning my sister’s wedding (about 4 years ago) it was ALL me, my mom, and my sis could talk and think about!! now that i’m planning my wedding it seems they never bring it up and aren’t as involved as we were with my sister… 🙁
BUT my sis had a baby a few months ago and my nephew should be the highlight in our family, so i’m understanding…they’ll come around! 🙂 i hope your families do as well with all your wedding planning.
sending good thoughts your way….
Post # 9
I can very much relate to this in some aspects. When my fiance and I got in engaged, everyone was thrilled. I could tell that my fiance’s mom was a bit disappointed in some ways that it was us before his older sister but she was genuinally happy for us. At first my parents were very excited about planning, and within just a few short weeks the topic of the wedding, never came up. Now more than 6 months after getting engaged, my parents interest in my wedding is maybe 3%. My fiance’s parents on the other hand talk to us about it often, and are interested in the planning. I have done all the planning on my own, and it has been very hard, and emotional. I have cried many nights wondering if this wedding is going to happen. Now with about 5 months to go, I’ve learned to just deal with what I was dealt, and be happy with what I have. My relationship with my parents has always been less than perfect, and even more so now. Life is like that. Be happy that you are marrying the love of your life, and try to move past the heartache your parents are causing you. In the end they will come to.
Post # 10
I know your post was a while ago but………..I can TOTALLY relate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m in the almost exact same position!! His siblings are older, mine younger and all unmarried. They’re all in the birdal party too. It’s weird because he’s the youngest brother but the first to get married…I think that has something to do with it personally. His parents are SO not excited (in fact they’ve said that we’d be wiser to wait a few more years before getting married….dude I’m almost 27 so it’s not like I’m too young!). My parents are excited(and helping financially) but with the lack of excitment from his family…my parents are more confused right now as to why the wedding isn’t a big huge deal. But I’ve really learned to appreciate my parents so much more through all of this so there’s good that came from it I suppose.
But here’s the thing I’m finding right now with 3.5 months til the wedding his siblings are actually getting more and more excited. Not in the way I want them to be (squeeling and jumpling up and down) but they’re intrest in getting to know me has dramatically increase. I talk to his brothers via msnchat and blackberry messenger almost daily and one of them even confides in my about girls!! I think it just took a while for them to get used to the idea (I mean after all no one in neither of our families have gotten married before so they don’t really know what to do or expect). I think it just takes time for the idea to sink in for some people. Not everyone grows up dreaming about their big day believe it or not. Most people (girls included) I know don’t really give their future weddings much thought since the focus these days seem to be on careers.
His parents are slowly coming around I think. Although they haven’t tried to stop the wedding in any way, I do still wish that they were more excited and supportive (especially financially since money is absolutely NOT a problem with them) but I’m sure everything will be fine in the end. If they choose not to be super happy about it then it’s pretty much their loss. It’s THEIR son’s wedding and THEY’RE missing out on all the joys of that day because THEY are choosing not to bask in it.