Will providing a babysitter for wedding insult parents?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Good idea to have her brother notify her instead of you. I would give her a couple days notice sk she can prep her kids if need be and may even bring more of their favorite toys since they will have a real opportunity to use them. Also I would provide her with the sitter’s info in case she has specificis she wants to go iver with him or her. When her brother discusses how you wantbthe ceremony to be as solemn as possible tty to get her to agree to take the baby outside if thr babybstarts to fuss. Make sure the ushers seat her in an outside asile.

Post # 4
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Just say that it will be an adults ceremony except for children in the wedding and that you are providing a babysitter so they dont need to worry about that aspect. if thenkids are as bad as you say maybe the parents will be glad for the break from them as well. Either way, you have to stick to your guns whatever their reaction, itsyour wedding and I wouldnt want mine ruined like that either

Post # 5
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@Merlin29:  I would have you FI tell her that you have a babysitter for the entire day so that if anything comes up there is a second set of hands. (not because they are bad parents or you don’t love the kids, but because you want the extra hands if you need them) Also mention that you don’t want to worry about them getting upset during the ceremony. It’s not fair to ask a toddler to sit and be quiet for a long time, and you would rather they can run around all they want and be as loud as they want with the babysitter.

Make sure they know that it’s not that they don’t think the parents can handle it, but you want your nieces and nephews to have a good day, and forcing them to sit through something they don’t understand  and be quiet isn’t fair to the kids.

Ultimately, you know her better than I do. My family members would be ecstatic that I got them a babysitter and they didn’t have to try and “contain” their children during the ceremony. However, some parents may take offense. You can predict how they will react better than me.

Post # 6
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Merlin29:  I think you are being very considerate. It’s a nice option for parents to have. Definitely let FH spread the news to his sister like PP’s have said.

Post # 7
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2015

As a parent of two young children I personally would be relieved at the option of having a bit of a “break” 🙂 Smart move. 

Post # 8
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Merlin29:  I think you should give them plenty of notice as to who this babysitter is going to be.  Age doesn’t really matter, not just anyone watches my son.  Some people are not sensitive to this….but I would not be happy if I was “surprised” with this babysitter just a couple days before or the day of….especially if I had no clue who the babysitter is.

I don’t think it’s wrong of you to want a child free ceremony, if that’s what you want….but no surprises for parents!

Post # 9
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

@Merlin29:  I don’t have any kids so you can take this with a grain of salt lol…

I personally think it’s very considerate and accommodating to provide a babysitter. However one of my friends did this, she sent a notice about it in the invitations, and her own SISTER lost her shit over it. (I know because this all happened publically over FB).

Her sister REFUSED to leave her kids with a *stranger* and how dare they not be allowed at the ceremony blah blah blah and in the end she refused to come to the wedding.

I think it was ridiculous, but I’d just prepare yourself for people to overreact.

I don’t see why any normal person would have a problem with it.

Post # 10
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

@Merlin29:  Also, if the babysitter is really just for her kids, then maybe you can hire her usual babysitter for your wedding? That would make her more comfortable.

Post # 12
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

@Merlin29:  

“a friend suggested to somehow make her come up with the idea of leaving the kids with the sitter”

 

Ah that’d be brilliant! lol but how?

You: “So, wouldn’t it be great if you could enjoy the ceremony WHILE your kids got to play at the same time… if only…like if they some sort of supervision…”

Lol I’m terrible at reverse psychology too…

Post # 13
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I had a babysitter hired for kids at my first wedding. It was all good with most of the guests (wasn’t a huge wedding anyway) but my sister was PISSED. She didn’t talk to me for years after that.

Post # 14
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@whoa_its_ash:  could you explain why she ess so upset and how you initially approached her about the sitter if you gave her advance warning?

Post # 15
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

We gave advanced warning, yes. I can’t remember how much, exactly, but before invitations went out. She just firmly believed her kids should be able to come, and she kept trying to give me scenarios where it would be ok if they came (ex: they can sit on our laps). The kids were about 4 and 7 at the time, so it wasn’t as if they were breastfeeding or anything. I stood firmly on my no, but in hindsight I would have just allowed her to bring them. The emotional hurt afterward wasn’t worth it.

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