Post # 1
- Wedding: May 2014 - alder manor
Hi Bees, So every day now I wake up with a new worry / problem?! lol
We are having our sibling’s children at our wedding. It just wouldn’t feel right excluding them. We’re all very close. I am happy to have them there. But…… during the ceremony, I’m not crazy about it!
Most of the children are really well behaved, but my FH’s sister had triplets, and within two years, gave birth to her fourth (First she took fertility treatment, second pregnancy was natural and a huge suprise). These kids tend to run riot at every family party / get together. They need allot of attention, and their father usually takes advantage of the entire family being together and does nothing about it (he is a bit of a jerk, insults everyone freely to their face). I don’t want my ceremony distracted by 3 year old triplets and their 14 month old sister running, screaming, and then adults running around after them. For me, this would ruin my ceremony. Side note, one of the triplets is our ring bearer, he is the quitest of the three.
I am going to organize a baby sitter for the entire day, who I will provide with toys and activities for the kids to play with if they get tired of dancing, etc. Of course I don’t mind them dancing etc during the reception, but the ceremony, that needs to be child proofed! How can I have her put the other three with the babysitter during our ceremony, without directly asking her, or insulting her?
I’m thinking of having my FH say to her that we have organized the babysitter so she can better enjoy the day, with some extra help. The babysitter will be there for everyone, not just her kids.
Post # 3
Good idea to have her brother notify her instead of you. I would give her a couple days notice sk she can prep her kids if need be and may even bring more of their favorite toys since they will have a real opportunity to use them. Also I would provide her with the sitter’s info in case she has specificis she wants to go iver with him or her. When her brother discusses how you wantbthe ceremony to be as solemn as possible tty to get her to agree to take the baby outside if thr babybstarts to fuss. Make sure the ushers seat her in an outside asile.
Post # 4
Just say that it will be an adults ceremony except for children in the wedding and that you are providing a babysitter so they dont need to worry about that aspect. if thenkids are as bad as you say maybe the parents will be glad for the break from them as well. Either way, you have to stick to your guns whatever their reaction, itsyour wedding and I wouldnt want mine ruined like that either
Post # 5
@Merlin29: I would have you FI tell her that you have a babysitter for the entire day so that if anything comes up there is a second set of hands. (not because they are bad parents or you don’t love the kids, but because you want the extra hands if you need them) Also mention that you don’t want to worry about them getting upset during the ceremony. It’s not fair to ask a toddler to sit and be quiet for a long time, and you would rather they can run around all they want and be as loud as they want with the babysitter.
Make sure they know that it’s not that they don’t think the parents can handle it, but you want your nieces and nephews to have a good day, and forcing them to sit through something they don’t understand and be quiet isn’t fair to the kids.
Ultimately, you know her better than I do. My family members would be ecstatic that I got them a babysitter and they didn’t have to try and “contain” their children during the ceremony. However, some parents may take offense. You can predict how they will react better than me.
Post # 6
@Merlin29: I think you are being very considerate. It’s a nice option for parents to have. Definitely let FH spread the news to his sister like PP’s have said.
Post # 7
As a parent of two young children I personally would be relieved at the option of having a bit of a “break” 🙂 Smart move.
Post # 8
@Merlin29: I think you should give them plenty of notice as to who this babysitter is going to be. Age doesn’t really matter, not just anyone watches my son. Some people are not sensitive to this….but I would not be happy if I was “surprised” with this babysitter just a couple days before or the day of….especially if I had no clue who the babysitter is.
I don’t think it’s wrong of you to want a child free ceremony, if that’s what you want….but no surprises for parents!
Post # 9
@Merlin29: I don’t have any kids so you can take this with a grain of salt lol…
I personally think it’s very considerate and accommodating to provide a babysitter. However one of my friends did this, she sent a notice about it in the invitations, and her own SISTER lost her shit over it. (I know because this all happened publically over FB).
Her sister REFUSED to leave her kids with a *stranger* and how dare they not be allowed at the ceremony blah blah blah and in the end she refused to come to the wedding.
I think it was ridiculous, but I’d just prepare yourself for people to overreact.
I don’t see why any normal person would have a problem with it.
Post # 10
@Merlin29: Also, if the babysitter is really just for her kids, then maybe you can hire her usual babysitter for your wedding? That would make her more comfortable.
Post # 11
- Wedding: May 2014 - alder manor
@playdohpants: I would, only that she lives two hours away, so having her sitter isn’t really an option, plus I don’t think the use a babysitter very often. Her parents help them allot and they can’t afford a social life with 4 kids, lol!
This I totally get and have seen happen in the past as well. The kids will literally be less than a two minute walk away. I know this is might not make a difference, a stranger is a stranger. That is why we need to let her know in a sensitive way, a friend suggested to somehow make her come up with the idea of leaving the kids with the sitter for the ceremony, but I’m not very good at reverse psychology!
@MrsEME: Giving lots of advance notice is a good idea, along with maybe providing the sitters phone # so she can contact her if she wants. Also, a seat
@thenewmrsmax: love your spin on it, unfair to the kids! that might be the best way to put it to her!
@CurlyCue: outside isle seat – good call.
Thank you everyone!
Post # 12
“a friend suggested to somehow make her come up with the idea of leaving the kids with the sitter”
Ah that’d be brilliant! lol but how?
You: “So, wouldn’t it be great if you could enjoy the ceremony WHILE your kids got to play at the same time… if only…like if they some sort of supervision…”
Lol I’m terrible at reverse psychology too…
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I had a babysitter hired for kids at my first wedding. It was all good with most of the guests (wasn’t a huge wedding anyway) but my sister was PISSED. She didn’t talk to me for years after that.
Post # 14
@whoa_its_ash: could you explain why she ess so upset and how you initially approached her about the sitter if you gave her advance warning?
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
We gave advanced warning, yes. I can’t remember how much, exactly, but before invitations went out. She just firmly believed her kids should be able to come, and she kept trying to give me scenarios where it would be ok if they came (ex: they can sit on our laps). The kids were about 4 and 7 at the time, so it wasn’t as if they were breastfeeding or anything. I stood firmly on my no, but in hindsight I would have just allowed her to bring them. The emotional hurt afterward wasn’t worth it.