Will You Be My Bridesmaid? Info, Costs, Expectations…

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What information should be given when asking friends to be bridesmaids?
    Only basic info - date/time of rehearsal dinner & wedding day : (24 votes)
    51 %
    Basic info + dress inspiration pics : (7 votes)
    15 %
    Basic info + dress pics + estimated costs/budget tracker : (3 votes)
    6 %
    Your Role (laying out my hopes/expectations) + all of the above : (13 votes)
    28 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    42453 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    bridetobe24:  I would drop any reference to the expectation that they will host a bridal shower. This is purely optional and the idea should come from them, not from you. It is never polite to tell someone that you expect them to host a gift giving party in your honor.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2421 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    bridetobe24: I just asked mine.  They already knew the date of the wedding.  Everything else was negotiable.  I didn’t feel the need to put a price point on it.  If someone has a serious, sudden budget crunch, we’ll work it out.  Either we’ll scale something back or I’ll cover the costs.  The important part to me is that my best friends are with me the day of my wedding.  The finances can be sorted out.  Having accessible funds was not a requirement to be in the wedding. 

    We picked dresses based on their budget and what they felt flattered them.  (I set forth my requirements – long and either red or black.  Beyond that, I didn’t care.  I went shopping with them and they all chose a dress.)  Bridal shower was their call (MOH is taking care of it), Bachelorette party was also their call (a different bridesmaid is taking care of it, as my MOH is writing her national certification exam 2 weeks before.)  

    I also didn’t have a list of things they *had* to do (they can wear any black shoes they want, everyone has black dress shoes.  I’m paying to have their make up done, but only if they want to have it done.  I’m not insisting they get their hair done, nails done, etc.) Also, we found a place where alterations were included in the dress price (no cap on them.)  There are considerable alterations to be done on a number of dresses, since they’re adding sleeves, etc.  But its not going to cost them an arm and a leg and they don’t have to worry about them being more than quoted.  

    Post # 5
    Member
    11712 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would ask them their budget.  You shouldn’t tell them what they should be able to pay – they should tell you what they are willing to spend.

    An “inexpensive” dress for you could be wildly out of my budget, or vice versa.  ASK THEM their budget, don’t tell!

    Post # 6
    Member
    291 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Im not going to vote, because I think even your most basic option is too much information!

    Mine just said something like ‘will you stand by me on my special day?’ and had the date somewhere on the card too.

    The showers were their idea, bachlorette was their idea….if you expect less, more will be given to you and you will be much happier. If you send out a card that has all of your expectations and prices and times and dates, you will come across as a bridezilla and they will pull back and not want to give you any of it.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2675 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

    I agree with PPs, I just asked will you be my bridesmaid.

    I gave no other information. I had been in two of my maids weddings though and the price point for their dresses was about the same as mine and we were all comfortable with it. One bridesmaid was my 22 year old cousin (broke college student) and she couldn’t afford the dress so I paid for it and her hair (even though hair/makeup was not mandatory). Everyone wore whatever shoes they wanted and did their own makeup.

    I had a maid & matron of honor and they held a shower and bachelorette party for me. My SIL also had a shower for me. I think they knew it was something I wanted but I never asked for it or told them it was expected.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2114 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    My friend sent me a picture of her ring (she was in Spain when she got in engaged) and said “Soooo…bridesmaid?”. I think people put in way too much thought and Pinterest everything up these days.

    Post # 9
    Member
    716 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m not sure that I would immediately ask for a budget as you are putting people in a position of having to commitment to a number before they have a chance to think about what they can afford.

    If someone asked me to be a bridesmaid, I would assume that the dress, shoes, and hair/makeup were my expense and, also potentially a portion of the bridal shower, unless the bride told me otherwise.  I would also assume that I could opt in or out of the bachelorette, depending on what the bride wanted to do and my schedule / budget.  I would have a general sense, based on life experience, of the financial commitment involved.

    I think it’s up to the person that you are asking to say yes or no and to give you an indication of what they can afford, if this is a concern.  Also, I wouldn’t go into detail about the dress or anything else.  In my opinion, the initial conversation is “Will you be my bridesmaid?” followed by “Yes, No, or Yes with a financial or other caveat.”

    Post # 11
    Member
    975 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

    bridetobe24:  I made a “will you be my bridesmaid?” boxes! I can’t find the photos but here is the tutorial I wrote about it: http://nicoleandmitch.blogspot.ca/2013/12/will-you-be-my-bridesmaid.html

    It was so fun to make and the girls loved the boxes! I would put the basic info (when, where), dress info (if you know yet) and putting the paint swatches on of our colors was really easy and cute! 

    Post # 12
    Member
    644 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I think it depends on what your expectations really are of them, I know you said in your post you “hope” they do these things but would they be deal breakers for you if they didn’t? If so then yes you need to give them that info, but if not why bother there will be time for that later and you can focus on the fun part of asking 🙂

    Post # 14
    Member
    4596 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I just asked mine, and told them that I’d figure out what to do for colors/dresses, etc. at a later date. I have just kept them in the lopp with anything they need to do.

    I had the 2 in my bridal party with a small bottle of champagnhe, nail polish in a blue I was thinking of going with, and some lip gloss.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2261 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    stephncollins:  Haha yep! That’s basically how I asked my ladies. If I saw them in person, I’d ask them straight up, if I knew I was not going to see them for a while, then I called or texted them. It got the point across the same way as boxes with butterflies, cards, champagne bottles….. And it pretty much set the easy going tone to the festivities. 

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