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I know 'circumcision' is a hot topic and it's been talked about before. I'm curious about a couple aspects leading up to your decision.....
~ Is your husband circumcised?
~ Are you letting him lead the way with the decision?
THANKS!
I feel if my husband were not circumcised this would be a no brainer - we wouldn't do it. But since he is - it's a much tougher decision. We both feel like it's not necessary. But he does have a couple fears about potential infections if it's not cared for properly etc. Ack - about 3 more weeks to make this decision!
My husband is circumcised and I am letting him lead the way with the decision. I guess it is a little old fashioned, and we agree that it isn't necessary, but he has that old feeling that a boy should look like his dad to make things 'easier' I guess. I know it is getting more and more common to not circumcise but I think my husband feels like a boy might stand out or be made fun of if he wasn't and most of the other boys were.
Yep, like father like son!
Plus I am Jewish, so it was a pretty sure thing.
I actually told my husband that not everyone is doing it anymore (when he was born most were) and he was pretty surprised to hear that. I have read up on it and now actually understand both sides better, but still personally prefer it from an aesthetic and sanitary POV, in addition to religious.
The only thing I don't appreciate is comparing it to female genital mutiliation which is a traumatic, horrible thing - haven't met a man yet who thinks his circumcision was traumatic or wishes he wasn't!
My husband is very against circumcision (even though he is) and I'm on the fence. My main concern is that the kid would be just be asking for the surgery later on in life. To which DH says "that's fine. It would be his choice, then." But obviously it's more of a procedure once you're older. Anyway, I know it's kinda silly to assume something like that and have that be my sole reason for it. Blah. I don't know. I know it's not necessary and there aren't actually any medical benefits but still. Fence.
Good thing we won't have to deal with this final decision for a few years *knocks on wood*
We were watching a show about circumcision and FI goes "I am glad I am not circimcised" hahaha he IS circumcised, I guess he just never knew LOL. Anyway after I explained to him the difference between a circumcised one and an uncircumcised one(yeh I had to explain it!) he was very grossed out and right away said that he would want his son to be circumcised...so yeah.
My husband and I just talked about this the other day. I'm on the fence, but he is very pro-circumcising. He'd adamant that it's a hygeine issue even though so much research shows that it's not as big a deal now than previously thought.
In the end I think he is more for it than I am against it, so we'll probably go ahead.
@Janna19 - The female mutilation stuff is totally what gets to me, though I'd argue that the procedure for boys doesn't seem to hinder any of the men I know in the same way that the female version ruins the life experience of women.
Good topic @jilian! It will be interesting to see where everyone stands on this one.
i wanted to have our sons remain uncircumcised, no harm, no foul.. but my step son is already cut, so we will be doing our boys to match... also my husband had some issued with his forskin(tmi) reattatching when he was an adult and was very painful for him.. so we are going new school on our future sons
My spouse is circumcised and wanted our son to be as well, so they would 'be the same.' I also thought that I wanted my son circumcised. However, there were several contributing factors to consider. Here are some that we discussed.
1) regional/religious reasons; we are not Jewish, so there is no religious pressure for this to be done (yes, I realize that other cultures circumcise, just giving an example). Also, we do not live in the desert, so daily cleanliness (read: sand under the foreskin), is not a huge concern, unless we have been to the beach.
2)Cost; it may vary by region, but in the hospital we were given a loose quote of 600-900$, not including any medications that may have been needed.
3)Health/cleanliness; while uncircumcised males have to be slightly more diligent with their personal hygiene, I really do not see a problem with that (encouraging hygiene etc). Whereas, dealing with a newborn with an OPEN WOUND in a commonly unclean area (seriously, ever changed a newborns diaper? SOUP POO. That is all I am going to say) sounded a little too much like asking for a secondary infection.
Also, our ped. pointed out that there is no MEDICAL reason to circumcise unless the foreskin is not retracting properly by a certain age or causing discomfort.
Now, while our son has had a few minor bacterial infections of his foreskin, it has not been so awful that we throw up our hand and go 'K time to chop the foreskin!' (Though it was really heart breaking at the time).
4)Morality; even though while I was pregnant I was so sure we would circumcise, after holding/meeting my son, I just could.not.do.it. I couldn't bare the idea that I would be the one making a decision to put him in pain (yes, yes, they are too young to remember, but it still hurts them).
5)This may be irrelevant to anyone else, but the on call Doc. at the time was the same doc that butchered my older brother (seriously, nearly cut the whole thing off, not just the foreskin), so I was NOT cool with my son being anywhere near that particular doctor.
Ask your doctor for some medical information regarding circumcision, there's a lot of it and it may be helpful.
There are also 2 methods of doing it, one is a 'cut' (scalpel) and one is a 'restriction' method (they put a clamp/plastic device on the skin very very tightly and the blood circulation is cut off, eventually the skin dies and it falls off--not sure how popular/wide spread this method is, but it was given as an option to us at the time).
If/when we have a baby, I really don't want to circumcise him. My sister chose not to circumcise my nephew, so at least she would be supportive of my decision.
My fiance is circumcised, and he's said he thinks it's weird not to do it. I grew up in the Midwest (aka: the Bible Belt), so pretty much all the men out here are circumcised. I've honestly never seen an uncircumcised penis in-person, only in pictures.
@tinybride: I agree it's nowhere near the same in the way that it is performed and how it affects the quality of life. The only thing someone arguing that point has going for them is that the most sensitive part is removed in both sexes (and choice is removed).
@missmouse29: Regarding #3 THANK YOU! I hate that "well it's not as easy to keep clean" is a reason to be for it. Um, how about you just teach proper hygeine to your children? Maybe I'm not as much on the fence as I thought.
To echo missmouse29's post, I just looked up circumcision on the website of the hospital where I work. They say "The [medical] risks and benefits are both too small to swing the vote either way. This is a parental decision, not a medical decision.".
Yes, and yes! DH looked at me like i was crazy when i asked him. I'd let him have final call on that, though. We both feel like some issues are men's issues and some are women's issues.
My hubby spends all of an extra 30 seconds to a minute cleaning "it" in the shower. I don't think the hygiene is a big deal. Pull it back and clean it..We ladies have to really clean our inner parts well to avoid infection and to keep clean, right? :)
in regards to your husband's fears about infections and whatnot, our doc has often stressed that infections are more common to take place in elderly men who are uncircumcised and unable to care for themselves/clean themselves properly, rather than young boys who's parents are diligent about hygiene.
However, that being said, my son did have 2 'infections' (inflammations really), that made it difficult to clean the area/pee (inflammation). However, it was minor, easily treated, and resolved within 3 days each time -- these issues only cropped up during the mid-stages of potty training when my son was gaining more independence but not quite having the knack of things. Now that he is 100% good to go in the bathroom on his own & etc we have not had any problems. Daily cleaning is a must though w/ a foreskin.
I don't understand the "keep everyone the same" argument. How often are your sons going to be seeing their dad's anyway? Just seems like weird point to me.
As far as who made the decision? We both did. We both didn't want to alter our son. On the sake of TMI, he hasn't had any issues in life being uncirc, and I've been with both types and always enjoyed uncirc more.
@Bailzoe: It strikes me as a bit strange too. He's somehow less your son because he's got/hasn't got foreskin?
In highschool there was one boy who elected to get the surgery because he was sick of being made fun of (in the locker room, I'm assuming. Insert jokes here). For some reason, the entire junior class was all aware of it and congratulated him when he returned to school. Not saying that's a point in the "keep everyone the same" column, it just shows how stupid teenaged boys are.
I'm Jewish so, yes, we will be circumsizing.
Even though we're a very liberal reform family, he may one day choose a different sect. Of course, he could also one day choose a different religion. But I also think that he would probably prefer to undergo this Jewish ritual at the appropriate time in his life (and before he is an adult and really totally aware of what is about to happen).
No. The husband's not, the main religious reason was hygeine but I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect good hygeine nowadays, we're not wandering around in the desert anymore. It's rare that an issue comes up but it is possible to have it removed. Since most of my hubs family/friends are uncircum he says he only knows of one person who had to get it cut off later in life, it sucked a bit he said but not the end of the world. And he has convinced me it really does affect sexual experience.
For me, I would circumsize regardless of whether or not my husband were circumsized.
We will not be circumcizing if we have sons. We had several long discussions about it, considered the current research and were able to come to this conclusion which was the opposite of how we both felt going into it.
I was actually very surprised to learn that US men are circumcised. It's very uncommon in Europe and in some European countries almost unheard of.
I and my FI are EXTREMELY anti-circumcision, although I would like to add that religious or live in a desert where you are unable to wash yourself daily are reasons my FI and I respect. My FI who is uncircumcised, has never stank/been unclean, has had only one minor infection when he was under 2 and never has had any social problems. Also his dad who is circumcised (apparently I take that information second hand, lol!) and him have a good relationship and FI has never felt any different. We have both seen curcumcisions performed and they are BRUTAL. Not something I want my day old baby going through.
If our future fictional son wants it later in life, I respect his decision as an adult. Because it is HIS body and therefore he should have the choice on what he wants done with it.
Both FI and I are entrenched in our viewpoints- he's for it and I am agianst. We're leaving the decision on the back burner for the time we have a boy baby.
No. It's not the norm in either of our families and neither of us see a reason for it.
I grew up in a Muslim country and though neither myself or my family are religious, it's still is a given for me that men are circumsized. Because my husband is American people at home always ask jokingly if he is, and are kind of relieved the answer is yes. Actually I've had several boyfriends from both cultures and never saw one that wasn't so I think I'd be weirded out if I ever had. Reminds me of the scene in Fargo where two prostitutes are trying to describe Steve Buscemi to the police as "He was kinda funny looking and he wasn't circumsized!" :) So I'm inclined to think it is the norm in the US as well and I'd rather not put my son through any embarrassing situations like that in the future.
Yes, he's circumcised and yes, he gets to make the call if it ever comes up. I would be inclined to not do it but oh well. That's definitely his territory.
he is and yes we will with our sons, if we have them.
it wasn't common in korea even in my generation, but apparently nowadays it's the norm to circumsize (for sanitary/infection reasons)... there were stories of korean boys doing it after puberty... and not being able to walk for at least a week!!
FI is not and if we have any sons they will not be either. FI is super against it because he believes that circumcising robs you of sensativity. Even though is it customary in some religons and countries (which is fine and I respect that), I believe it is a form of mutilation...personal opinion.
I just wanted to add, I agree that it is mutilation, but in my opinion not all mutilation is necessarily bad. My ears are pierced, I have ink permanently tattooed on my shoulder, my male cat has his balls chopped off...Maybe not all super necessary things, but not barbaric either.
@meliss: I get what you mean...but it isn't a fair argument to compare body modifaction that you chose as a teen/adult and something that is done at birth to someone who can't give consent.
@Bailzoe: I think the argument for "keeping everyone the same" is a little stronger than most give it credit for. It's not about the kid being less of a son because he isn't circumsized. It is about the little boy when he is potty training or changing or bathing or in the locker room, and how he perceives himself compared to others (and that can include his father). Kids notice stuff like that, and no kid wants to be different and stand out drastically, especially not with that part of the body!
I'm not making a statement one way or the other about circumcision, I just felt that point should be clarified.
we're jewish, so it's not much of an issue for us, the answer is an obvious yes. our decision is completely based on religion. my husband, being a jew, is.
I am leaving that up to the husband when the time comes. I think he'll say yes, and I don't have a problem with that.
I would never leave that up to FI (no offense to him) but our son (and what happens to him) is a decision we will make together. However, I all ready know the answer- we would never circumcise!
The circumcised men I have known, by the way, are very confident about what they have going on. A natural penis isn't much different from a circumcised penis- there is just a little more to it. From what I can tell, (how the men feel about it, and how I feel about it) that's a good thing!
Also, men all over the world are uncircumcised. Besides religious reasons, which I have respect for, I don't think it is necessary. In the states, I think people tend to "go with the familiar." But there is a whole world out there. And as far as sanitary issues, an uncircumcised penis is easier to clean than a lady's V. If a man has to pay more attention to cleaning himself, thank goodness!
My husband is circumcised but we chose NOT to circ our son. I have always been anti-circumcision but after acutally having a child of my own I am even more so. I have no idea how someone can take their perfect child and cut them up. His little penis is so small and delicate, I would never in a million years let anyone ever come near him with a knife. I think it's crazy stupid.
I'm in the anti-circ group. There's just no need for it, and it's gential mutilation. It may not be traumatizing because it's in a hospital setting, but cutting off part of someone's genitals = genital mutilation, IMO. Fewer people are choosing to circ, so I think by the time I get around to having children, the whole "want him to look like everyone else" argument won't hold up as much. And even if it did, just because the majority of people do it, doesn't mean that it's right or necessary, and I'll just teach him to be proud of what he's got! haha. So I vote no. :)
@northernazbride:I think everyone has been pretty civil on this board with such a charged topic. Calling a decision a lot of women are going to make "crazy stupid" is a bit much, IMHO and could turn this thing in the wrong direction. I think your post is less about your opinion and lot more about judging others ("I have no idea how"....implies any one who does is a horrible person).
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