In our defense, we didn't know the justice of the peace would use the obey line. He's the mayor of our city and his =officiating was a last minute thing- the first time we met with him was while he was marrying us :) He used the obey line for both of us, not just me. :) I'm not fond of the line, but in my situation it didn't really matter- it was funny.
We are doing traditional Ukrainian Catholic vows, which do not include the "obey" language. I'm glad we don't have to deal with this issue, because I like following tradition where vows are concerned, but I also believe in equality between husband/wife...so that would be a difficult decision.
I myself have not decided if we will be using that wording ... i actually have no problem with it though... it does have alot to do wih the way you iterpret it though... i myself would notmind obeying or submittig to my husband because i believe he was sent to me by GOD himself and believe that he would put my needs and the needs of my duaghter above his at anytime, i also feel that he would never ask me to do something that was not in the best interest of our family.
With that being said i guess i have decided i probably will be honoring, respecting, and obeying him in all things sensible and pleasing to GOD for as long as we both shall live
I heard this for the first time at a wedding a few months ago and I was really surprised by it as well. I thought it sounded like something that obviously would have been said forever ago when a woman pretty much was just her husband's property. I didn't think it was ridiculous for the bride and groom to choose those vows or anything, but I don't plan on it. It actually isn't even an option from the book of vows that the Catholic church gave us to choose from.
Definitely not. I plan to mean every word I say and expect him to live up to every word he says. And I don't plan to obey him but do plan to love him and support him and care for him so that is what I will say.
I think the concepts of "obey" or "submit" are extremely offensive. EXTREMELY. On many levels. But most of all - he should be vowing the same to you. Marriage hould be an equal partnership. Not a situation where one person has to obey or submit to the other one.
I would never "obey" anyone, and my FI would never want me to. Our relationship is a one of mutual respect.
I 100% agree with @crayfish.
Hahahaha oh I love this. My FI would fall down in a faint if I said any such thing! Hahahaha!!!
I'll cherish and respect him til the day he turns his toes up, but we'll make the decisions together! In Irish houses, there really is no living tradition of women obeying. Men resign themselves to do most of the obeying here! And it works for us!
my husband made a joke about me obeying him at the rehersal dinner and my dad stood up and said "good luck with that". then my entire extended family laughed at the idea of me obeying anyone.
vows are supposed to reflect you as a couple, I like hearing what people choose to vow and why.
This came up in our pre-marital counselling, but the priest pointed out that the Episcopal prayer book took out the word "obey" in 1928, and replaced it with "keep." He and the hubby got a good laugh over it, since they both looked at me and said - not that she would, any way!
Heh, that is why I love my priest and of course, my husband!
We're not keeping the obey part in the vows. We'll probably replace with with something like cherish, keep, love, etc.
No way! I agree with KMSull--I often didn't obey my parents, I sure as hell never obeyed my managers, and I have no intention of ever obeying my partner. I have respect for him and love him (which is more than I can say about any manager I've had), but I don't feel like I could respect him if we had a relationship where I was expected to submit to him and allow him to make the decision for both of us. I could only respect him if we had a true partnership of equals, where he acknowledged my intelligence, sensibility, and unique interests and perspective, and we took them into account in every decision where it was important to do so (which is most decisions). There's no submission or obedience there. We're fifty fifty, the only difference is that he has a penis and have a vagina, plus some strengths and weaknesses that one has and the other does not. It is is NOT a strength of his to make important decisions that affect both of us all-around better than me, so that is not his place in our relationship and we would never say anything in our vows that suggests otherwise.
We wrote our own vows and I agree with crayfish 100%. I find the whole submit/obey language to be very offensive and archaic. I can't for the life of me understand why any grown woman would agree to such an arrangement.
Our vows don't have that...obey is replaced with "keep" and both the husband AND wife say it to one another.
While I know that the vow of obedience is controversial, it's not if you understand the fullness of the verse. The Bible does say that wives are to submit to their husbands. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. (That is they are too be willing to die for them.) They are to love them so that they would never direct them in the wrong way.
I've heard it done, and it made me uneasy. It's not a vow I'll take, but it's not for me to judge if someone else decides it's right for them!
I will keep this vow and I will do my very best to always follow it. I have no problem submitting myself to my husband as I trust him to always love me as Christ loved the church. I have been reading the book called "The Excellent Wife" and it talks about this within the first 10 pages (I believe that number is right) and I feel that it is important for me to follow to be an obedient Christian.
I would do it - as long as my husband had to agree to OBEY me as well...that would make it even, and funny.
LOL yep - I'll say it if he will, too! I feel like the intent behind it is more about respecting each other rather than literally obeying your husband's commands. The wording itself is... unfortunate, in modern terms.
Hells no. I personally don’t think the words “obey” and “submit” are that open to interpretation, they mean what they mean, and I would never promise to obey anyone.
FH is more adamant we don’t have any unequal language in our vows, but then again, he’s a big feminist! LOL :)
We wrote our own vows - which did not include the word "obey."
The fact that the one-sided-ness of it may be sexist aside, I just can't think of ANY situation in which we would ask that of each other. And I have been with my husband for 8 years, so there has certainly been points of disagreement. I respect his opinions a great deal, as he does mine. And we have talked through many points in which we are different. But I truly don't believe there is ever a situation in which we differ enough that it's one way or the other, without any possible agreement or compromise.
our officiant doesn't use "obey" or "submit" at all--the vows are to "love, honor and cherish," which sounds perfect to me!
We wrote our own vows, and I did not vow to obey my husband (or even to submit to him, though I do and will). Instead I vowed to respect and honor him.
@thefuturemrsgibbs -- I have read Ephesians 5. Many times in fact. And I believe it's important to read it in context (of scripture as a whole and of the language/culture of the time). I believe that I'm commanded to submit to my husband, but we are also commanded (in that same passage) to submit to one another. Both of us. I don't believe that "submit" is meant to be translated "obey" here (I've read a number of scholors who go into the history of that word in the original Greek and they agree). One said a more accurate translation is "be joined with". For me, I submit to my husband by submitting my heart to him, sharing my hopes, dreams, plans, fears, weaknesses, hurts, etc. (like "submitting" a plan to your boss). I also submit by honoring, serving, and preferring him and his will over mine. Which sometimes means doing what he wants, even when I don't want to (though it's not his job to "command" me to; I choose it). Really, the only time I refused to do what he wanted was in a situation with an unhealthy, cult-like church, and eventually he chose to lead us in a different direction and I followed. So be careful of judging those who don't choose to translate that passage as a command to obey unquestioningly. It doesn't mean that we haven't read it or don't accept it. Maybe you need to research the original meaning some more?
whoa futuremrsgibbs!! you are certainly entitled to your own interpretation of the bible, and some choose to take certain verses literally... but let me remind you of this:
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
Sorry, I know this is controversial, but I just couldn't resist! :)
@Angela you just made us roar laughing. Love it.
The Bible was written 2000 years ago, people, and much of it a good ways before that even. Some of it is wonderful advice for life. Most of it isn't.
NO! Last I looked the year was 2010. Obey? That sets the cause of women back about a hundred years!
Its really interesting to see how you all feel! Again, to each their own. Promise your husband you'll make him a banana milkshake every day or submit to his will... Just make sure it feels right to you!
I wanted to see what everyone else thought based on my SILs over-the-top reaction! While I don't find the term offensive, it's really not for us. Ultimately we make our big decisions together as a couple! :)
teehee Angela I think I'm in love. If only for for my fiance.........
;-)
I don't submit to anyone's will. I'm as much a person as he is.
I submit to God since my FH does as well, then we are on the same page. I feel that we both have roles to play within our relationship/marriage and no one is lesser than the other. In some situations he takes the lead, and I take it in others, but at the end of the day we are still a team.
I just kind if skimmed over all the other responses, but no way in Hell would I ever "obey" R. It is just not going to happen. While I respect his opinion and will take it into consideration when I make a decision, in the end, I'm going to do what I want to. We have PARTNERSHIP which means that both sides are equals and we both trust each other to make the decision that is best for the relationship.
Both my mother (in 1976) and my grandmother (way back in 1948) vowed to "Love, Honor and CHERISH" their husbands. I plan on doing the same.
To each their own but... Go Angela83! Pure awesome.
"Obey" is not even an option for our vows.
I will be omitting this from the vows that we say..... I never liked how it was worded. But for some people I'm sure it works:)
HA! FI wouldn't let me hear the end of it if I promised to obey him. No way. :)
I think its your wedding, and you should be able to say whatever you want!
I just have to say, as a Christian, I couldn't disagree more with MrsGibbs. Taking the Bible literally can get you into some serious trouble, as I think Angela demonstrated really well. I also see the entire New Testament contradicting the idea of EITHER partner in a marriage being dominant. In fact, the early church was one of the first Jewish establishments to treat women as equals and some Biblical scholarship suggests that Paul didn't even write that passage from Ephesians.
As a Christian, I submit to God. So does my FH. We're equals before God and the world, and we'll be using the word "respect and honor" mutually rather than obey.
Gee, I didn't even know they did that any more! I have been to many of a wedding in my 50 years and NEVER heard the word obey used!
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