Will you/do you still old text the opposite sex? Again, you've never dated…

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Will you/do you still text old friends of the opposite sex? Again, if you've never dated...
    Yes, my partner's okay with it. : (127 votes)
    86 %
    Yes, though it bothers my partner significantly. : (0 votes)
    No, because it bothers my partner significantly. : (5 votes)
    3 %
    No, because I don't feel it's right. : (16 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 2
    47 posts

    this is something that is a problem for your partner and therefore something they need to deal with. marriage doesn;t mean losing friends. unless you’ve done something to make trusting you tougher there’s no reason you shouldn’t text friends of either sex before and after marriage.

    Post # 3
    1766 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    musicalsteve82:  That’s ridiciulous…unless you’re texting them in the middle of the night or texting them nonstop, or really personal stuff, your fiance is totally overreacting. If my husband told me who I can or cannot text, I wouldn’t have married him. I love my husband and respect him, so I would never text my opposite sex friends anything inappropriate, but that’s my own decision..not because my husband told me what to do..

    Post # 4
    2315 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I presume you mean texting as in for no purpose other than to say “hey, how are you?” etc. I text male friends/acquaintances but it’s because I’m checking on something, e.g. Meeting time for a church activity etc. I don’t have any male friends who I text ‘just because’ but that’s because I’m not close to any men like that. I’m not saying there is right or wrong in having male friends, I’m just closer to females. 

    If your partner has a problem then you need to respect his wishes and come to a compromise (e.g. only texting once a week). If on the other hand your partner is too controlling of all your relationships then you need to say goodbye.

    Post # 5
    1766 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    To elaborate a bit – my husband and I have never had discussions about any of this stuff, everything has just sort of evolved and happened naturally. I text my guy friends a lot less than I used to, but that’s just because most of them are married as well and we usually communicate via Facebook or email rather than text. I’ll usually write to them if I haven’t seem them in a while (like for a couple of months or something) to check in and see how they’re getting on, or I”ll send a message if we’re planning a meet-up. I don’t really hang out with any guy friends one-on-one anymore, mainly because again it just sort of happened naturally.. the guys are married, they don’t work in the same city as me, so when we arrange a meet-up it’s usually with their wives and with my husband, like a group dinner or drinks. If one of my friends who I hadn’t seen in a while came to our city, I’d hang out with them one-on-one for a catch up, and my husband would have no problem with that. Sometimes my guy friends and I will skype for a catch up if we haven’t seen each other in a while, and their wives and my husband both know about that and don’t care. It’s like once every few months.. not that often.

    I think it’s a red flag that you guys even need to talk about this..I mean.. it sounds like you have very different opinions on this stuff and your partner sounds quite jelaous of you. If you’ve never given him a reason to be jelaous, then it’s a bit of a warning.

    Post # 6
    671 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I thought you already got your answer in your last two threads?

    it sounds like you are unhappy with the truce and you WILL end up holding it against him if you can’t somehow get over it and I’m sorry but I’m on his side with this one. This is one of those subjects where both sides needs to be on the same page with their ideas and feelings I’d there is a chance for long term

    Post # 7
    1766 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Yeah that’s the thing.. this kind of thing should just ”work” in a relationship..you should be on the same page and this shouldn’t even be an issue in my opinion. If it’s an issue already then either way he’s either going to be majorly jealous, or else you’ll be resenting him. It seems like you guys aren’t really ready to get married and should maybe wait a couple more years and see how things play out for you..

    Post # 8
    7284 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    musicalsteve82:  Dump your fiance. Sounds like you are going to be in for a marriage full of mistrust and suspicion. Do you really want to live like that? 

    Post # 9
    7025 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    musicalsteve82:  That’s weird. I think things like texting and facebook are *less* of a problem than some other ways of keeping a friendship, because they’re less personal, and there’s a record of what’s said (so you can always show your spouse exactly what was said, if needed). As I said in one of your other threads, I’d never meet a guy one on one just to hang out. But there are many times I need to talk to a guy by phone, text or email.

    Post # 10
    2701 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    musicalsteve82:  I guess you can call them on the phone or email instead of texting.

    Post # 11
    1116 posts
    Bumble bee


    musicalsteve82:  clearly you fiancée has some serious insecurity issues regarding your behaviour towards people of the opposite sex, without all the facts I have no way of knowing whether her insecurity is justified.  But maybe rather than wasting time on these polls so that you can throw stats at her about how many other women would be fine with it you should actually work on where these issues are coming from and go to couples counselling or something 

    Post # 12
    5769 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    You and your fiancé need to work this out by talking to each other, not by posting random polls on a wedding website.

    Post # 13
    6788 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

    My guy friends are the same friends of my husband, so no, I don’t text them because if we are planning on doing something my DH will reach out to them. Unless I’m texting a male coworker about work related things, then you won’t find any opposite-sex texts in my phone. I guess this is because I don’t really have any guy friends, so I’m not much help. But I would find it disrespectful if either one of us put our friendship with another person over our own relationship. If my guy had trust issues, I would keep the texting other guys to a minimum out of a courtesy for his own feelings. Sometimes relationships are only as hard are YOU make them.

    Post # 14
    9859 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    musicalsteve82:  There seems to be more to this story than we’re getting.  For your fiancee to be this concerned there must be more to it.

    Post # 15
    3538 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Throughout our 9 year relationship, DH and I have an understanding about these sorts of things.  Neither of us ever had an issue with texting or having friends of the opposite sex, but we both are open to each other about it when we do happen to text a friend of the opposite sex. Our situation may be a little different than most as we mostly have the same group of friends. 

    Obviously your FI has some trust issues.  Quite frankly, DH wouldn’t know who I text because he respects my privacy and doesn’t go through my phone, and I don’t go through his phone.  For us, a relationship can not work without trust.  I wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life defending the fact that I texted “Hey, how have you been?” to an old male friend. 

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