Post # 1
Hi Bee’s –
I am just a bit curious to see what you Bee’s are doing. I don’t have any friends who are even thinking about children at all. I don’t see myself having kids for at least 5 years, but it’s defintely on my brain. I am currently working in the social work field, but since I only have my bachelor’s degree there’s really no room to grow. After we get married, I’m heading back to school.
I am feeling a bit torn lately, now that I am in transition to get married I think about the future more often. I initially was going to start law school, but i’m no longer sure that makes sense to get $100k+ in debt and work 60 – 70 hours per week when I know I want to be a mom someday. I have been thinking more about getting my Masters of Social Work and possibly a PhD if I feel it’s worthwhile.
Anyways, did any of you change your career goals to be a mom? Did anyone of you work part-time at some point? I know there are many careers that are shifting and allowing my mom’s and dad’s to telecommute and have a better work/life balace.
It’s been in the news a lot lately that the reality is moms have to sacrifice so much at times to be a parent, including promotions. Many more married couples are opting not to have kids these days, and this is a great example of why.
Post # 3
@Meant2Bee: I could have written this! I was a SW bee with my Bachelor’s degree. I also thought about pursuing law school but didn’t because of the debt that it would bring. We are so alike! We found out I was pregnant around Christmas, and at 15 weeks, I resigned from the SW field. I’m not sure which aspect you work in, but I worked with reunification/case work for families in the process of getting their children back or recently being reunified with their children. I couldn’t handle the long, unpredictable hours, the stench of some of the homes, the dangerous homes and areas I was working in, etc. First trimester fatigue REALLY hit, and the heightened sense of smell made me want to vomit going into 80% of the homes I was assigned to. Luckily, my parent’s company had an open position for me. I now do book keeping for their company, as well as handle customer service issues. I work part time and took a 50% pay cut, but we just live off DH’s salary and keep mine in savings. We had to tweak our lifestyle a little (not as much eating out, not as many vacations, couponing, etc) but it is so worth it.
The money I made from my DHS job would have almost gone STRAIGHT to day care costs. I would have $140 per week left over. It didn’t make sense. Luckily, I can take my child to work with me.
Later on down the road, I have thought about pursuing one of two career paths once my children are older.
1. Open a small day care center in my home.
2. Go back to school for my master’s in Adult Education (my orignal degree is in Marriage and Family) and become an assistant professor for a university.
Good luck to you!
Post # 4
I think if all of my money was going straight to day care then I would consider it. My situation is a little different though because I work from home 50% of the time so I have a lot of flexibility and freedom – its almost as though I have part time hours now, so I think we’ll be okay and I won’t be changing/switching anything. To be honest with you if one of us had to stay home it would probably be my Fiance since I’ve never wanted to be a Stay-At-Home Mom.
In regard to the law school thing – I think its a good idea not to do it. I’m not an attorney so I’ve never had to find employment in that field, but I have 6 friends who graduated from law school and every one of them has had a hard time finding a job. One of them has been working at Barnes & Noble for the past year because she can’t find a job. Imagine all those loans and no job, ahh!
Post # 5
I wanted to..and I may still in the future.
I really wanted to be a Stay-At-Home Mom or just go back to work part time, but the need to be financial stable won that battle. My Darling Husband owns his own business, so we didn’t want to rely on just his income, since the business is so new.
We still talk about me working for his company after having a second child, but the reality of that happening isn’t totally clear. If we wait and have our second around the time Dirty Delete is starting school, I will likely go back to work after my mat leave. If we were to do it sooner though, it makes zero financial sense to have both kids in daycare while I work. I would seriously be working for like..$150 a week.
In other ways, I am not changing my career path at to go after something I’d be more passionate about, simply because the job I have now is so flexible in terms of unexpected things that come up when you have a child. It just would not be realistic for me to persue something else right now.
Post # 6
Hmm, I’m not sure how to vote. I would definitely work part-time to become a Mum, but I would never change careers for it.
Post # 7
@adoc86: +1. If all of my income went to daycare, I’d stay home. That makes no sense to me. However, we will still have a healthy chunk of money left from my pay after subtracting daycare and we like the lifestyle 2 incomes affords us. I also have the ability to work from home, so it is quite easy to balance.
Post # 8
@Meant2Bee: I had a successful and rewarding 25-year career in a field I loved prior to marrying my Darling Husband and having to relocate full time to his very small town in a rural area of another state.
By making this major life change to become wife of a senior pastor and stepmother to his children, I had to give up what was — with bonuses — nearly a six-figure salary and some wonderful perks associated with working for a subsidiary of a Fortune 500 company.
It’s been an extremely difficult transition for me. I’ve lived here full time for more than three years, and I still have not found a job in my field in this region. I would by lying if I said I did not miss the professional identity I once had or the salary I pulled in (which was significantly more than my husband makes — not double, but not that far from double.) However, I also realize that there are some things in life that are more important to me than my professional accomplishments and pursuits.
Post # 9
@Meant2Bee: I absolutely would! But then I hate my job, lol.
Post # 10
@MrsMaskatoBe: That’s insane how parallel are lives are! I work for a prevention based non profit, thank God, so no smelly or stressful homes for me. If I continued in social work, I would continue working on the prevention side. A lot of my job consists of holding trainings to teach parent educators how to teach parents HOW to be parents, is that makes sense? I find that not seeing the horrible conditions some children and families live in makes my job feasible.
@Brielle: Wow, you are a remarkable person! I cannot imagine giving up so much! I hope things get better for you!
Post # 11
@MrsPanda99: Four mom’s at my current job work from home 80% of their time….ohhh how I envy them. They all have their master’s degree and do quite a bit of travel with there position. However, their salary’s are very much about $45k a year
Post # 12
@Meant2Bee: I have my MSW and am a therapist at a residential treatment center. My hours are a lot more flexible and reasonable than they were when I was a caseworker before I got my master’s. I would definitely consider part time therapy after we have kids, but my heart is in social work so to change or not work just wouldn’t do it for me!
Post # 13
I would not switch careers, there’s nothing else I really want to do! I always joke that I wanted to be a makeup artist (movie makeup, with latex, and prosthetics, the whole shebang) but I’m not artistic enough. And that job wouldn’t really be less hours so…
Even if my entire salary was going to day care I would still work. I wouldn’t want to loose those years in the work force. I will probably also take a pretty short mat leave comparatively (especially if we end up in Canada, I will not take a year) so I can be working and not loose experience. I think a lot of women in the medical field take short mat leave, I think I had an appointment with my GP 6 weeks after she gave birth.
Post # 14
@emelee: I’ve really thought about doing that type of work with my master’s. I’m not saying I wouldn’t work…I’m in the same boat…I’m way to passionate about children and families to not work. (and I’d probably go crazy as a STAHM) I just really want a job with flexability and the ability to be part-time if desired.
Post # 15
No, I love my job too much. I’m a scientist – so part time work isn’t an option in any real way. I don’t think I could transition my career into a less intense path that would be more satisfying, so I would not do it. My future kids will just have to grow up with a geeky hardworking scientist mom that does her best to balance both sides of the life coin!
Post # 16
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle
@Meant2Bee: I’m not a mom, so I can’t really comment on that. Although, I do hear my biological clock ticking and have to continually hit the snooze because I’m a PhD student and I really don’t have the time or energy to have a baby until after I graduate. After I gave it more thought, it’s more like I graduate, do a 2 year post doc, get an established career, and THEN think about conceiving. That will put me around the age of 35. I’m kind of sad that I might have to sacrifice motherhood for my career. As of right now I have no desire to have children, and I’m not sure if I ever will really have baby feaver, but I feel like if I do get it I’ll be in a really hard place and feeling the same as you.
I can offer advice on graduate school. I had my master’s 100% paid for as well as my PhD. There are fellowships out there, especially for women. You just have to look and apply. It is a lot of work, but in some programs if you become a teaching assisstant the department will cover your first year of tuition and provide a stipend. The next year you will have an advisor that will either pay your salary and tuition with his grant funds or he will encourage you to apply for external funding. It is possible to get a higher degree and not go into debt (although probably not for a Law or Medical degree unless you do a combined MD/PhD). But if there is any thesis component/research involved you have a really good chance of finding funding!
I feel your pain :/ Good luck with everything!