Post # 1
My cousin and I were both lucky enough to find our FIs in the last 2 years and are both planning to get married next Spring. She’s been like a sister to me since we both only have brothers and are in eachother’s weddings.
She has her date set already, 4/30/11 and we do not but are planning on approximately the same time frame. FI’s and DD’s birthdays are both at the end of March so I don’t want it too close to that. I don’t want to go into May really because that’s the start of wedding season and I’d like to save some money. I didn’t want to go in early March because I’d like at least the chance of semi-nice weather.
We’re planning to get married in Chicago (or around, we’ll pick a location when we go to scout and then get a date) and she’s getting married in our hometown where all of my family (and our common guests) live.
What do you think is an appropriate window so that she won’t feel like I’m stealing her thunder or stepping on her toes? I keep meaning to ask her but I kind of wanted to go in with an idea, perhaps ask her if she’d mind if our wedding was 3 weeks before hers.
I don’t think attendance will be an issue since hers will not require traveling so I don’t see people choosing one over the other due to finances or anything. It’s more about having them so close together. Maybe I should just plan for a completely different date since she had hers first?
What do you think?
Post # 3
Ooooo. This is a tough one. Definitely sit her down and discuss this thoroughly so no bad feelings occur and you’ll maintain awesome relationship with each other! I don’t think you’ll upstage her as you two are unique and are having the wedding in different locations.
Post # 4
I don’t think her date should dictate the date for your own wedding, especially if guests only have to travel for one of the weddings. Let her know what you’re date is, but really she gets one weekend, and if you don’t act guilty about picking your date, she’ll have less reason to make you feel guilty.
Your date should be chosen based on what’s most convenient for you and your FI, and your VIP guests. It sounds like you have legitimate reasons for wanting the date you want that have nothing to do with you, just as I’m sure she did for hers that had nothing to do with you.
Post # 5
My cousin is getting married 4 weeks after me. I didn’t mind too much except some of my family are not coming to my wedding because of his wedding (its a travel expense thing). My family was pretty upset at my cousin for planning his wedding so close to mine since it will be alot for my grandparents who are getting old. I am happy that I am the first one getting married, I might have had a bit of a problem wondering if people are comparing my wedding to his but that is just me. I think the best thing is just talk to your cousin and see if she has a problem with it, but in the end you aren’t going to be able make everyone happy.
Post # 6
You should definitely talk to your cousin about it, especially since you two are close. I’d consider things like vacation time—does your cousin have enough vacation to go on her honeymoon and attend your wedding, especially if they are only weeks apart? Just something to consider…
Post # 7
I think the weddings should be at least two weeks apart since you are each in the other’s wedding.
You said you wanted to avoid wedding season because of the $, but when looking for a venue and other vendors, I only came across discounts if you had your wedding on a non-holiday weekend in the dead of winter, or not on a Saturday. Are you sure it would be more expensive to get married in May than in April?
Post # 8
There are plenty of ways to save money and still have a wedding in May or June. You can always look at Fridays or Sundays. I say, you should try to get as far away from her wedding as you can manage.
Post # 10
I would def. talk to her, I’m saying that if i had my wedding scheduled and my cousin or any family members scheduled their wedding 3 weeks BEFORE mine I’d be pissed. While I know that i only get a wedding day not a month etc.. there are 11 other months in the year and if my wedding is planned and someone decides to plan one so close i’d be really mad. Also you want her to be in yours and vice a versa isn’t that a big expense right before both your weddings including travel outfits and accomodations. I’d think about this time frame some more
Post # 11
Def talk first. If anything, to make her more comfortable, I’d suggest picking a date AFTER hers instead of before. Also, I don’t think there’s really that much of a discount for non-wedding season weddings anymore. If anything, it’ll give you better odds of snagging the vendors you want since you won’t be competing with 20 other girls with the same date.
Post # 12
my cousin, who i’m close to, had already set her date before we set ours, and i just talked to her about it, phrasing it like “i don’t want to step on your toes but we’re thinking about x date…” ours is about a month after hers, and she was totally fine with it. both of us are really laid back about it, so maybe it depends on the individuals and your relationship, but i’d just talk to her.
Post # 13
I think there’s no magic window that will make her feel comfortable – depending on your particular situations, 2-3 weeks may be enough, or you might want to delay yours for longer than that. I think what’s most important is figuring out all of the issues that might arise. You’ve mentioned that guests won’t need to travel for her wedding, but there are definitely more issues to think about. For example:
– Pre-wedding events like shower, bachelorette, etc: will you both be able to attend each other’s (maybe even help plan, if either one of you is expecting the other to do this?)
– Will you be able to take enough time off for your wedding + honeymoon AND her wedding events? Will she?
– Since she set the date first, would it upset her if you got married before her? This might not seem like a big deal for some brides, but others could get upset about it. I think if it does matter a lot to your cousin, maybe you shouldn’t schedule your wedding first.
Finally, as some prior posts mention, there often isn’t a huge price difference between April and May or June. The big discounts often apply only in the winter (and March, which you said doesn’t work for you). So I would check with some of the vendors you’re consider to see what the price difference would really be.
Post # 14
My thoughts are the bride and groom get one day… so do your wedding when you want so long as it isn’t the same weekend as theirs. Why don’t you want to have it near your FIs bday? My parents got married the day after my dad’s birthday. Makes forgetting the anniversary kinda hard lol.
Post # 15
I have a similar situation however I’m the cousin that got engaged first, picked my date, then 3 months later my cousin got engaged and started to throw dates around. She first said destination in the spring, then it was beach in the summer, and then it was 3 weeks before mine at some high dollar place at home. I would definately talk to her about it, and think its awesome you are worrying. My cousin and I used to be super close, and now well I don’t even know the colors of her wedding, or any other details. Our family lives all over so I’m worried about the picking one over the other but you also have to think about well maybe if you have them so close guests can’t spend what the would like.
But definately tlak to her