(Closed) Wine Ceremony

posted 5 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have never heard of either of these ceremonies???? Ceremonies within ceremonies, I only know cake cutting ceremony :-)) my favourite ! Oh and the bouquet and garter toss but not really ceremonial I don’t think

Post # 4
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I love this idea too! I think I read somewhere that another bee did it during their reception, before the cake cutting. We’re thinking about doing something similar, but instead of having a “ceremony” for it, just leaving the box open maybe on the guestbook table or cake table and letting our guests put notes of advice and encouragement for when we open it.

Post # 5
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We’re the ones doing it right before the cake cutting. We’re trying to keep the ceremony from getting too long.

OP yes this is done INSTEAD of unity candle or sand.

It can be part of ceremony, or part of reception, or a private gift between bride and groom.

We’re providing note cards for our guests to write their wishes to be stored along with the wine and our love letters 🙂

Also our officiant said she prefers to drop the whole “you can drink it if you hit a rough patch” because that’s introducing a negative image/emotion on what should be the most positive day of our lives, and we should never call it a “fight box” because we’re not making plans to fight. She was not familiar with the ritual (and she does a ton of weddings; I think it’s a regional thing though) but most officiants will be fine if you give them a little homework.

Post # 6
Member
12821 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

We’re doing it privately, or maybe at the rehearsal dinner.  But we definitely aren’t doing it during the actual ceremony (I don’t want to be hammering anything during my wedding ceremony!).

Post # 7
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We’re doing it during the wedding ceremony as our unity ceremony (so yes, for us it replaces the candle, sand, ring warming, hand fasting, etc). We’re actualy doing a bourbon box instead of a wine box 🙂 We told our officiant what it was and then she researched it herself and put a description into the ceremony. Something like this:

Today, Goose and bear have chosen as a couple to perform a

Box ceremony.

This box contains a bottle of spirits, two glasses, and a love letter

from one to the other. The letters describe the good qualities

they find in one another, the reasons they fell in love, and their

reasons for choosing to marry. The letters are sealed in individual

envelopes and they have not seen what the other has written. 

Should they ever find their marriage in serious trouble, before

making any irrational decisions, they must 

open the box, drink together, and read the letter that they wrote to

one another to reflect on why 

they fell in love with each other in the first place. The hope is

that they will instead be able to open it as a celebration, once

they reach their 10th anniversary. They will be able to relive the

moments and feelings of today and look at how they have grown

together as husband and wife.

I recommend that you keep the box in a place of honor

prominently displayed in your home as a constant reminder of

your commitment to each other…

Bear and Goose, you may now seal the box.

@abbie017:  I’m actually excited to hammer our box shut at the ceremony! Although, you could also do a lock and key instead or just close the box and latch it.

Post # 8
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You can definitely do the wine box with a latch or keyed lock or padlock if you don’t want to hammer. We’re using a latch as our box is really nice but neither of us trust ourselves to not smash it by mistake!

We’ve also chosen two of our friends to present the box to us for sealing up. They’ve been married 34 years (!!!!) and we’ve asked them to say a few words before handing the box over.

@MrsFeatherbottom:  You may want to re-word this part:

“Should they ever find their marriage in serious trouble, before making any irrational decisions, they must open the box…”

To something like:

“On their first/fifth/tenth anniversary, they will make time to honor each other and their marriage by opening the box…”

That’s based on my comment above about not setting such a negative tone on what should be such a positive day.  I don’t want to make any statements about the potential for serious trouble in the marriage on my wedding day. We all know that marriages take work and attention to be healthy, but there’s no reason to give the thought of a marriage in trouble even one minute of thought on the wedding day.

Post # 9
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

We did it during the ceremony and used a hammer (I dropped a nail, it was pretty amusing). My husband actually built the box as well, so that was pretty cool. So many guests came up to us after the ceremony and said it was such a neat idea, they’d never heard of it before, etc. Neither of us are big unity candle fans and the sand thing didn’t fit us either. Wine was perfect!

@fishbone:  You’re the only other person that’s mentioned this! We also dropped the whole “You can break it open if there’s a fight” part of the ceremony. It didn’t seem right to talk about fighting during our marriage ceremony! We’d already touched on the “marriage isn’t going to be perfect” aspect of life during other parts, didn’t seem to need repeating.

Post # 10
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@fishbone:  Thanks for the advice but we like it the way it is. It’s realistic that problems may arise and that’s what we really liked about this particular ceremony – it addresses that possibility but also says the box will be used as a celebration at our 10th anniversary if it doesn’t need to be opened before.

I don’t have the same concerns you do about mentioning the possibility of a negative situation.

Post # 11
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I actually think it’s smart to acknowledge the possibility of a rough patch in your marriage, because it gives you the opportunity to commit to working through it, rather than ignoring it and just pretending they won’t happen for the sake of mood.

I love the wine ceremony, but wasn’t able to do one.

Post # 12
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 1993

I also agree that it’s perfectly fine to acknowledge that every relationship has its bumps. I think the ceremony is great and you should keep it.

Post # 13
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

you know those couples that claim they never fight?  HAHHAHA i laugh in their faces.

Post # 14
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

PS i really like the honesty in your wording, beargoose.  everyone knows shit happens, and i think ackowledging that and finding a constructive way to work through it pre-emptively is super smart. 

Post # 16
Member
1132 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Most people leave the “richer, poorer” “sickness and health” parts in their vows…. so I don’t see how that would be different?

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