Wish I could start over with SO

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
523 posts
Busy bee

@dianawildfire:  Hmmm if it were me I’d nip it in the bud the next time someone responds like that I’d be like “yep, unfortunately we had a bit of a rocky beginning however  the last two and a half years have been smooth sailing. I’d appreciate if we could let the past be the past”

A true friend will realize that it is embarassing you and not funny. I truly feel for you. It sucks that people won’t let it go.

I don’t think there’s anything you can do to make them not judge you in their heads unfortunately, but just keep a steady head and don’t have any more public fights and eventually people will realize that it was an anomoly and not the true nature of your relationship!

As for you thinking your relationship is inferior Eleanor Roosevelt said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. You know the truth, you were immature but you’ve grown up and your relationship is healthy and thriving. Does it truly matter if someone can’t get over the beginning of your relationship?

Post # 4
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My husband and I had a rocky first year as well. All due to drinking alcohol. When we stopped drinking everyone saw the change in both of us.

I think most of your friends see the change and are only teasing you about the past. You’ve done a lot of growing, be proud of that. I’m sure others are proud of you for it.

Post # 5
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just keep in mind that most people are immature at 19, so you don’t really need to be embarrassed.

The first year of our relationship FI and I also had some drunken silly arguments/fights, because we weren’t used to each other’s communication styles (though luckily it never happened in front of our friends). We got past that though, and we very rarely fight now.

If someone brings it up, maybe just laugh it off and say something like “Yeah, we were so immature back then”. If they keep bringing it up, they’re just being rude, really, but I’m sure they mean no harm.

Post # 6
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

You can’t listen to what other people say, no one knows you like you know yourself. DH and I had an unusual start to our relationship too: I was a pretty irresponsible college girl living with 4 roommates, and in a totally different place. But everyone grows up sometime. It sounds like you did. Just be happy that you HAVE grown up – a lot of people aren’t there yet. It sounds like your SO’s friends aren’t.

Post # 7
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You were immature, drank too much and were fond of drama in front of your friends.  Yep, you sound just like every other 19 year old.  It’s normal, and nothing to be ashamed of.  My best friend STILL teases me to this day about my “speed dating” tendencies as a teenager.  I had a different boy wrapped around my finger every week for a while there.  Was it immature, teenaged entertainment?  Absolutely.  I’m not ashamed of it, I just find it rather funny now. 

If it really bothers you, every time someone mentions how dramatic you were, just laugh it off and say something like “I know!  It’s crazy how much we’ve all changed”.  And change the subject. 

Post # 8
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@dianawildfire:  Oh yeah, I’ve been there! I say next time they say something just laugh and say, ‘yeah, we were really dramatic back then, weren’t we?’ I think laughing and addressing it directly, not getting defensive, will make others laugh it off too, and eventually they won’t even think of it.

I can’t tell you how many WAY dramatic fights we have had in front of friends and his siblings! Ugh! I wish we could change it, but really, we have grown so much together. I think a lot of couples go through that, and I say don’t worry 🙂

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