Wishing friends and family would join a 'shut-it-up-pact'

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MissHoney:  I know exactly how you feel! My FI and I were together 9 years before he popped the question and I’m pretty sure that is a big reason he tended to avoid family functions. Even now, all we get is “wow, finally” or “we didn’t think it was ever going to happen!” And I know it bugs him. We just always smile and laugh like it’s the first time we’ve heard it. Sometimes we will point out that we’ve had a lot going on in our careers and want to be financially stable, yadda yadda. One day FI actually lost his cool and said “yeah, like we Haven’t Heard THAT before”

Just try to focus on the two of you and remember that what everyone else says/wants/thinks doesn’t matter in this situation. I had resolved that though I REALLY wanted to get married, I was happy. I wouldn’t be if I wasn’t with him and if that meant being unmarried but with him, I was willing to accept it! 

Post # 4
Member
1506 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@MissHoney:  I know the feels! My family and friends bring it up ALL the time, and while I’m glad that they want this for me… I wish they’d all just shut up! Its hard enough dealing with the waiting on my own, but having to calm other people down about it is absurd!

Post # 5
Member
515 posts
Busy bee

@MissHoney:  haha your title for this post totally cracked me up! and i know how you feel. everyone I go to church with asks me all the time. and there is one little old lady who always grabs my hand and asks to see the ring. it is super annoying and awkward.

Post # 6
Hostess
9903 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MissHoney:  totally with you.  Last year was our 8th Christmas together.  The number of hints and questions that were sent our way was unbearable.

Post # 7
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

I am not sure how the Shut it up pact works, but have you talked to your SO? Do you want to bring it up, at all? If not…then just tell your mom and siblings to lay off a bit. 

Post # 8
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Ugh, seriously! Since I first started thinking about getting engaged to SO my behavior has changed completely. I have gone from being the biggest whiner in the world about it (so ashamed now) to the biggest advocate for SO to do it when it feels right to him (because I know that is right for us). I know everyone means well but really at this point it is our own personal business folks! Best wishes to you and your SO – hope you can enjoy your holidays with a minimum of those types of comments : ) And from one patient waiting bee to another I hope you don’t have to be patient for too much longer ; )

Post # 9
Member
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I am right there with you! This is SO and I’s 3rd Christmas together and everyone is obessed with asking! I get it, I want to be engaged soon as well, but the pressure us just too much sometimes. I just say that it’ll happen when we are ready and that I just loving having him around all of the time. SO and I were long distance before he moved here about a year ago, so the excuse works out well for us 🙂

Post # 10
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

totally LOL’d at the title hahahaa! It’s SPOT ON, I just want to scream at everyone that they are asking the wrong person, and even if they asked the right one they aren’t going to tell you, just shut up!!!

Post # 13
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

@MissHoney Thanks for the clarification. It is hard to know what everyone on these boards wants, themselves. No idea on solutions except to mention it ahead to everyone. Although, there will always be that one aunt!

Post # 14
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@MissHoney:  That is exactly what I went through.  I honestly didn’t give engagement much thought until certain people started frequently harping on the fact that we weren’t married.  I think they cared more than I did.

Post # 15
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Well, if it makes you feel any better, I know FI was getting some pressure from his mom, and it actually seems to have sped things up a bit. Maybe if he realizes the whole world thinks he is dragging his feet, it will cause him to think about what it must be doing to you.

Post # 16
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

@EffieTrinket:  I definitely have more of this perspective on it. 🙂 SO’s grandfather (adorable man, I love him) has started taking me aside to ask what my intentions are for his grandson and letting me know he wants to see a wedding. It’s a little awkward, but it certainly has an effect on the SO. Watching his grandfather do this to me has definitely startled him. He is starting to realize his family is giving up on him and has moved on to more radical tactics.

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