(Closed) Wishing I could say good-bye to this bridesmaid

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

She’s probably just jealous.  Maybe her budget doesn’t allow her to have a sit down dinner or buy a new dress for the rehearsal dinner (not that ANY of that is your problem).  Maybe it explains her behavior.

Post # 4
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

It sounds like a classic case of jealousy. From the things you said it sounds like her budget might be smaller (no dinner and wanting to wear her bridesmaid dress at rehearsal) than yours. She is being passive aggressive in comparing your two weddings, especially considering that there is such an overlap of guests.

If you say anything to her about your feelings her reaction is going to be to terminate the relationship. Forget not being her bridesmaid you are looking at the end of your relationship.

Keep in mind that people handle stress differently. There could be a lot going on behind the scenes and she is taking it out on you. You are not in an enviable position. The only thing you can control is how you react. Stop talking to her about your wedding and plans. Let the next couple months be about her wedding. From August to December can be your time.

Post # 5
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

what’s wrong with her wearing the dress she got to wear for your wedding for her rehearsal dinner? (I think that’s what you said.) Unless she’s prone to spilling…we all joke about how you can wear the dresses again!

to me, just that one detail at least sounds like you could let it go.

and, if it’s true that her budget only allows for her to have a cake and punch reception, whether you know that for a fact or not, then I think that you could definitely be a more sensitive friend and not talk about your wedding plans around her. It obviously doesn’t make her feel good about her own wedding.

Post # 7
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m a little late on reading this..

I know exactly how you feel.. I’m going through something similar. Passive aggressive comments at first, talking behind my back (which I found out about), and now ignoring me here and there. There’s been odd conversations about the cost of things.. How much did I “pay” for that, or “where” did I get that.. but never followed by a positive response to at least hide her jealousy (I guess).. just followed by an “oh” and awkward silence. I even sense anger at times.. but YOU asked me, and i’m just telling you!! lol I’m genuinely happy for her. I’ve known her for a long time & wish her nothing but happiness.. sincere happiness. It’s just annoying that at a way older age in life, some still find the need to compare themselves. To use YOUR life, accomplishments, and life events (your wedding) as their “measuring cup.” Its plain stupid… stick it through as I am.. after all, immitation is a an odd form of flattery..

congratulations!! enjoy your planning & special day!

Post # 8
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

@kahn-dees:  I’ve gone through something similar, myself.  My FCIL, who was supposed to be a bridesmaid kept constantly putting down my wedding choices.  I’ve since ceased wedding discussion with her, and am nearing the point of kicking her out.  I told her where my venue was and she said, “Oh, isn’t that going to be like, at least, $30 per person?”  Then her eyes got big and she did this little expression that means, “How are you going to afford that?”  How I’m going to afford it is, I gave myself plenty of time to save for my wedding.  That is how.  She only gave herself four months, when she was already struggling with bills to begin with.  So, she sort of expects me to have a wedding similar to hers.  But, I just didn’t wanna settle on my big day!

Post # 9
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

its like…. weird right?? like, how do you even respond to it. Its awkward, and I can’t think of any other way of naming that “emotion” that she is feeling other than plain old jealousy… If you are going to get upset, or what ever it is you’re feeling.. DONT ASK!! 

do YOU girl!! 😉

Post # 10
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t think that you should not be able to talk about your wedding around her! I think that just because she has insecurities doesn’t mean that you should have to walk on eggshells. I completely understand why you wouldn’t want her to wear the dress before your wedding… One of my bridesmaids wants to wear the shoes I got her for my wedding out and of course I said NO. I think that you should either change the subject around her when it comes to weddings or just tell her you don’t want to talk about it. I wouldn’t take these things to heart. I would keep her in the wedding and vice versa because after this is all over things will probably go back to normal 🙂  Good Luck!

Post # 11
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@AmberRae: I can see what you’re saying.. weddings bring out all kinds of weird emotions in women. I also hope all things settle after the big day. Good luck to all brides!! 🙂

 

 

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