Wishing I had more alone time with DH…

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Oh man, that’s frustrating.  Is the housemate situation going to change in the near future?

DH and I once spent 8 months living with another couple – we had a bedroom upstairs and they had a bedroom in the basement, but the girl also had a bedroom upstairs (she didn’t sleep there but studied there) and it seemed like any time we were ready for some sexy time, she would be in her room studying late, or walking back and forth from the bathroom, etc.  

Is there any way you could rearrange the house so she is further away from you two?  Could you discuss with her having a night for yourselves in the house, or even ask her to let you know in advance when she’ll be out so you could plan some time together?

Post # 5
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee

@candy11:  Could you flip flop the rooms and assign your sister the room closest to you and DH? It sounds like she isn’t around as much as your roommate.

I’m unclear as to the circumstances of the roommate, but perhaps you could say, “DH and I would really love to start a family. Do you know how much longer you will need to stay here? We could really use the extra space once a baby comes along.”

That way, she gets a hint that you may be needing her to leave soon. This also gives you some time to find a PT job and save up some extra $$.

Post # 6
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@candy11:  Hmm that’s a tough situation.  I think you need to have a chat with her about timelines.  Does she know you are TTC?  What will happen once you are pregnant and have a baby?  I would think you’d want her out at that point.

Post # 8
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t think you need to tell her you are trying to conceive, but you are a MARRIED COUPLE, so I think it is reasonable that you would like a little more privacy.  I would just be frank with her.  “Sally, unfortunately this arrangement is not working for us.  We are married and need to have some adjustments made to make our marriage healthy and happy. We would like it if you switched bedrooms so that we could have a little more privacy and space.”  If she doesn’t want to switch then you can come up with another solution (her being out of the house 2 nights a week as an example) or she moves out.

Post # 10
Member
643 posts
Busy bee

@candy11:  I would work really hard at changing my living situation. Couples need alone time and you will want privacy when you have a little one. I’d totally be willing to lose the extra income if it provided me with a better quality of life. 

Post # 12
Member
643 posts
Busy bee

@candy11:  That sounds fair to everyone. Six months is plenty of time to find a place! I can imagine how frustrating your situation is, so at least there will be an end date in sight. 

Post # 13
Member
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

I feel your pain! We currently have a roommate, but luckily our apartment layout splits the two bedrooms. Our bedroom is on the complete opposite side of the apartment from our RM’s, but it’s still hard to find privacy sometimes! Sometimes if I leave clothing in the dryer for too long he will try to take it out. Like I don’t want you touching my underwear!! I always do laundry on the same day, but he just randomly picks a day every like three weeks to do his. SO and I were in our room having sex once, and when we walked out afterwards we realized that RM had like five friends over sitting in the room right next to our bedroom. Luckily he has been working a lot of overtime lately, so for the past month he’s been leaving at 6 AM and getting back around 11 PM, so never see him anymore, but we are asking him to move out once our lease is up in August. He saves us like $400 per month, but I think we will spend that extra cash for our (mostly my) sanity.

Post # 14
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t really understand the situation. Do you own the house? Are you renting it to her? Does she pay a fair amount of rent, or is she getting a “deal”? Of course, if you’re giving her a great deal, she won’t have much impetus to move out. That doesn’t mean you’re obligated to continue to subsidize her rent, though. Did you ever have a conversation about expectations, how long she would be living with you, etc.? It doesn’t sound like you’ve communicated very clearly with her about what this arrangement would be and it’s not a good situation to anyone if you are feeling like she’s an imposition. I think you definitely need to give her a clear deadline of when you want her to move out by, and in the meantime, ask her to be out of the house maybe two times a week consistently so that you get some alone time with your husband. That’s not unreasonable at all.

Post # 15
Member
6279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i would give her 60 days notice if you afford to have her not live there.

Post # 16
Member
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Me! We let a friend move in to start over 7 months ago. In that time she somehow managed to save no money whatsoever. It sucked but we just told her she had to go. I don’t enjoy having her here because I’m always the only one cooking and cleaning (she literally sat on the couch while I cooked us dinner  then watched me do the dishes without so much as a thank you, and due to my pregnancy I was puking every 30 minutes the whole time) and she wakes us up when she gets home from work at 3 am. Luckily she will be moving out at the beginning of April! I feel your pain, though I will add that we did get pregnant with her living here!

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