Post # 1
Is it rude to have a “Wishing Well” at an Engagement Party that everyone is invited to if you put the money towards a DW with only immediate family? This question has been going around a lot at work lately and I’d love to hear your thoughts!
ETA: Here in Australia the Engagement Parties are usually thrown by the couples themselves (the one’s I have been to anyway), or their parents
Post # 3
I thought you were only supposed to invite those invited to the wedding to the engagement party. Also, I thought it was very rude in general to throw YOURSELF an engagement party as well.
Post # 4
@nursemel: Over here in Australia the Engagement Parties are usually thrown by the couples (the one’s I have been to anyway), or their parents.
Post # 5
You are only supposed to invite people to the e-party if they will also be invited to the wedding.
Having a wishing well is not rude though, many people put cards in them, it’s not just for money. It’s a good way to make sure no cards get lost.
Post # 6
“Please give money for a wedding you’re not invited to”. Sorry, that comes across as very tacky to me.
But perhaps I’m biased because I think wishing wells are always tacky (except maybe some cultures).
It’s fine (in Australia) to hold your own engagement party, but (IMO) not to invite people to it if you’re not inviting them to the wedding. An “open invitation” engagement party is OK though (i.e. no written invitations, but issue an open invitation to people to drop in if they want to), and this is fairly common at least in my circles.
Post # 7
MY FI and I aren’t having a DW, but we are moving to a different countr 3 days after the wedding. Therefore, we didn’t want any bulky gifts, but we did appreciate cash.
However, I know a lot of people think it’s tacky to put “cash only” or “wishing well” on the invitiations, so instead we put “Since we are moving to ________ and can’t bring you all with us in our suitcases, in lieu of gifts your presence is present enough.”
Obviously people had to bring SOMETHING to the shower, so they all got the hint and gave us money.
Post # 8
@paula1248: +1 to all of this, exactly right.
Post # 9
Here in Australia the Engagement Parties are usually thrown by the couples themselves (the one’s I have been to anyway), or their parents
Im an aussie and in my 30+yrs I have never been to a couple thrown e-party. Maybe in your social/family group but not all Australians
….put the money towards a DW with only immediate family
So its a please give us money so we can have a wedding at your expense but not invite you party?
Yes its rude.
Post # 10
Hosting your own e party is common but inviting guests to it & asking money when they aren’t actually invited to the wedding..mm..not so good.
Why don’t you skip the e party, go ahead with the DW, then come back & have a cocktail party with all your friends + family to celebrate?
Post # 11
@eloping: Im an aussie and in my 30+yrs I have never been to a couple thrown e-party. Maybe in your social/family group but not all Australians – Thats why I put my comment in brackets, I wasn’t speaking for all Australians just the ones I know.
I tend to agree with all of you, I would rather invite people to a party AFTER the wedding to celebrate with them that way no one is offended or put out!
I once knew a girl who has her engagement party and was registered at Myer and then for her wedding she had a wishing well, I was going to buy presents/give money for both anyway but being registered for the E-party was a bit much I thought!
Thanks ladies 🙂
Post # 12
I’m Aussie & all the e-parties I’ve been to have been organised by the couple or their parents.I’m in NQ so we’re a bit casual up here! 🙂
Partner & I threw our own e-party – we hired a room & put on the food (people bought their own drinks). We told people we didn’t need presents, but people gave stuff anyway.
As for wishing well at e-party, I only know of 1 girl (friend of a friend) who did it & we kinda bagged her out for it. I think it’s especially bad if it’s a very intimate DW.
Post # 13
I find it extremely rude to invite me to an engagement party for a wedding I’m not invited to, and then to turn around and use money I gave as a gift for someone else to attend the wedding… Yes, it’s rude and inappropriate.
Post # 14
I think a wishing well is more a wedding type thing- not for engagement parties! You can’t ask people to give cash to a wedding they won’t be invited to!
Post # 15
In the US, engagement parties are not usually gift giving events (or at least didn’t used to be). They were almost always thrown by the parents to announce the engagement, so how would anyone even know to bring a gift?
Wishing well, tho? I’ve never heard of one at an Eparty before, and have only ever seen them at showers. If they are the norm where you live, why not then?
Post # 16
@ItWasntMe: I agree that e-parties in the U.S. aren’t ever thrown by the couple but if it’s culturally acceptable then who am I to judge? I can honestly say that I’ve never even been to an e-party…in my circle most people don’t have them….maybe b/c they have long engagements and A LOT can happen during that time.
As for the wishing well, every wedding I’ve been to had one….I’d consider them the same as a card box. Where I’m from, it isn’t uncommon for guests to just throw extra money in the wishing well (in addition to the gift) if they are enjoying the wedding.
And not sure if it’s culturally acceptable there, but I’d be pretty peeved to be invited to an e-party but not the wedding and then expected to give a gift. I still give gifts for weddings I’m invited to but don’t attend…but that’s different. Your guests might be heartbroken to not be at least extended an invite!