(Closed) "Wishing Well" at Engagement Party if you are having a DW?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it rude to have a Wishing Well at an E-Party if you are having a DW with only immediate family?
    Yes, it is rude : (50 votes)
    89 %
    No, it is not rude : (5 votes)
    9 %
    Other - please explain? : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1038 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

     I thought you were only supposed to invite those invited to the wedding to the engagement party. Also, I thought it was very rude in general to throw YOURSELF an engagement party as well. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1348 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

     You are only supposed to invite people to the e-party if they will also be invited to the wedding.

    Having a wishing well is not rude though, many people put cards in them, it’s not just for money. It’s a good way to make sure no cards get lost.

    Post # 6
    Member
    7796 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    “Please give money for a wedding you’re not invited to”. Sorry, that comes across as very tacky to me.

    But perhaps I’m biased because I think wishing wells are always tacky (except maybe some cultures).

    It’s fine (in Australia) to hold your own engagement party, but (IMO) not to invite people to it if you’re not inviting them to the wedding. An “open invitation” engagement party is OK though (i.e. no written invitations, but issue an open invitation to people to drop in if they want to), and this is fairly common at least in my circles.

    Post # 7
    Member
    164 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    MY FI and I aren’t having a DW, but we are moving to a different countr 3 days after the wedding. Therefore, we didn’t want any bulky gifts, but we did appreciate cash.

    However, I know a lot of people think it’s tacky to put “cash only” or “wishing well” on the invitiations, so instead we put “Since we are moving to ________ and can’t bring you all with us in our suitcases, in lieu of gifts your presence is present enough.”

    Obviously people had to bring SOMETHING to the shower, so they all got the hint and gave us money. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @paula1248:  +1 to all of this, exactly right.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Here in Australia the Engagement Parties are usually thrown by the couples themselves (the one’s I have been to anyway), or their parents

    Im an aussie and in my 30+yrs I have never been to a couple thrown e-party. Maybe in your social/family group but not all Australians

    ….put the money towards a DW with only immediate family

    So its a please give us money so we can have a wedding at your expense but not invite you party?

    Yes its rude.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2324 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Hosting your own e party is common but inviting guests to it & asking money when they aren’t actually invited to the wedding..mm..not so good.

    Why don’t you skip the e party, go ahead with the DW, then come back & have a cocktail party with all your friends + family to celebrate?

    Post # 12
    Member
    554 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I’m Aussie & all the e-parties I’ve been to have been organised by the couple or their parents.I’m in NQ so we’re a bit casual up here! 🙂

    Partner & I threw our own e-party – we hired a room & put on the food (people bought their own drinks). We told people we didn’t need presents, but people gave stuff anyway.

    As for wishing well at e-party, I only know of 1 girl (friend of a friend) who did it & we kinda bagged her out for it. I think it’s especially bad if it’s a very intimate DW.

    Post # 13
    Member
    12827 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I find it extremely rude to invite me to an engagement party for a wedding I’m not invited to, and then to turn around and use money I gave as a gift for someone else to attend the wedding…  Yes, it’s rude and inappropriate.

    Post # 14
    Member
    56 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I think a wishing well is more a wedding type thing- not for engagement parties! You can’t ask people to give cash to a wedding they won’t be invited to!

    Post # 15
    Member
    5755 posts
    Bee Keeper

    In the US, engagement parties are not usually gift giving events (or at least didn’t used to be). They were almost always thrown by the parents to announce the engagement, so how would anyone even know to bring a gift?

    Wishing well, tho? I’ve never heard of one at an Eparty before, and have only ever seen them at showers. If they are the norm where you live, why not then?

    Post # 16
    Member
    1406 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    @ItWasntMe:  I agree that e-parties in the U.S. aren’t ever thrown by the couple but if it’s culturally acceptable then who am I to judge?  I can honestly say that I’ve never even been to an e-party…in my circle most people don’t have them….maybe b/c they have long engagements and A LOT can happen during that time.

    As for the wishing well, every wedding I’ve been to had one….I’d consider them the same as a card box.  Where I’m from, it isn’t uncommon for guests to just throw extra money in the wishing well (in addition to the gift) if they are enjoying the wedding. 

    And not sure if it’s culturally acceptable there, but I’d be pretty peeved to be invited to an e-party but not the wedding and then expected to give a gift.  I still give gifts for weddings I’m invited to but don’t attend…but that’s different.  Your guests might be heartbroken to not be at least extended an invite!

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