Glad to hear I’m not the only one. He keeps asking me why I’m angry, and for me it’s not really “angry” with him… it’s feeling like I’m just not good enough for his name that’s making me feel blue, borerline depressed, which of course, leads to arguements.
Do men not really understand how it feels to be waiting to be “chosen”? I don’t want to continue on forever like I was some default choice, or that staying with me is easy so why not? I need to hear the words asking me to be with him forever. I’ve been mopey lately because so many other people are getting married around us, and were the couple who’s been together the longest! This weekend our friends were joking that “The His-last-names” were ready to go to (they’d been waiting on my before we could all head out soemwhere together), and while it was kinda neat to hear myself included with his last name, it hurt so badly at the same time because it’s not true. 🙁 I don’t want pretend. I want real.
At least most of you ladies have had more positive discussions about it than I feel we have, have discussed rings, places, times of year. The most I’ve gotten lately is he’d like a “destination wedding” most likely at a hotel featured in our favorite romantic movie (Somewhere in Time), but that’s pricey, and if we’d have anyone join us, it’d cost a LOT, making me suspicious is it’s another hold-out tactic. He’s a perfectionist, and I worry he’s waiting for life to be “perfect” before doing anyhting. His little brother is proposing next week to his girlfriend of 10 years, and stopped to get our opinion of his ring choice. This “kid” (he’s 30) works 40+ hours a week at a restaurant with his soon-to-be-fiancee, they have to scrimp and save like crazy, but he went and picked out a fairly expensive ring from Kay, like it costs twice the downpayment I made on my car (yes, I’m nosey, so I found i online – hope he got a good in-house deal – they DO work really hard to save)
Here we are, together 4 years longer then them, and I ahve nothing but the sappy title of “girlfriend”. Their grandmother has offered me sets of her rings – but I don’t know if anyone’s told HIM (they’re wacky like that – like I could pass on that info). I’d be happy with a ring that’s 1/4 the cost with my birthstone to save money, but have also been told by my Boyfriend or Best Friend he thinks it’s bad for the woman to see the ring or go shopping to help pcik one out – it’s supposed to be the man’s job to do that. Sigh.
I love him. He loves me – but without this I can’t KNOW it – does that make sense? Every person who looks at my hand to see it bare, ever person who makes me spell my stupid last name and connects me with realtive I don’t speak to instead of my BF’s family who has been there for me for 1.5 decades, every time I get asked, “why aren’t you married?”, it makes me question everything about us, about me, and my/our future, so of course, with all the wedding bliss going on around me, I’m kinda on the sad side.
Most days I can go without freaking out about this stuff. I don’t want to leave him over a ring and a piece of paper, but I’m feeling worse and worse about myself and how people interact with me for that lack (bad jokes, stupid questions, blank looks). Guys really don’t get treated badly too much for not marrying a woman, but I’m supposed to “make” him do it or leave – neither of which makes sense to me. I feel lonely, as the girls who are getting married don’t need to bothered by my feelings – they’re busy enough, and my other girlfriends are completely unattached, so I know it’d just hurt them to talk about, too. Sorry this is long – when I’m tired this hits a lot harder than when I’ve had some sleep – wiating for coffee to kick in.