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My FI is a resident in internal medicine. I'd say you're already off to a good start just by being aware of what his time limitations will be. I posted advice somewhere else on here (maybe it was even in response to one of your older threads), but I'd say the best thing to do is to appreciate the time you do have together, get as much of the household chores done on your own, and not hold it against him when he's busy. Having your own life is really important too, and finding other medical spouses to bond with can help some people (although I find that when I get together with a group of med spouses it sometimes encourages a negative mindset because everyone startes venting and complaining-- but it all depends on the people). His schedule will vary A LOT month to month and year to year, so it's not true that you'll never have time with him ever. Sometimes there will be months you see very little of him and other time there will be months that he's working more a 9 to 5 schedule (at least that's how its been with my FI). happy to answer more specific questions.
@akp0702: I have no advice, but I think you are already being amazing! I think you will do just fine, and be a wonderful wife to a doctor. Just make sure you take care of yourself too! And I think you've armed youself very well to attack it. Good for you, and congrats to you man! Thats a huge accomplishment for him! And you. He is a lucky man!
@akp0702: I don't have much to offer as far as advice since my FI is not in the medical profession... BUT- if he chooses to attend MCV I live nearby enough that we could possibly meet IRL and you can get to know the area a little bit & meet people and get plugged into local activities & stuff to stay busy :)
@AutumnElegance: I agree with your advice about starting off on the right foot & having realistic expecatations... and this is a little off topic but I love Great Danes! I have 2 rescue danes & they are wonderful!
@Take The Reins: Thanks!! Some days I'm scared shitless that I'm going to lose him to 'doctoring', so I'm trying to get ahead of this new lifestyle as much as I can!
@AutumnElegance: Thank you for your advice. I know there will be a lot of inconsistencey during med school and into residency even (but at least in residency years, there will be less studying and no exams...minus the USMLE), but my biggest fear is moving away from our hometown, only to have him dive right into med school life and sort of "leave me behind". I know most med schools make a big effort to forge a bond between the students in a class because they spend so much time together, I can't help but wonder how and when I'll factor in? We've been together for 5 years and have lived together for 3. We've worked jobs that had the exact same hours, so we're home at the same time. We do everything together. Currently we both even work in a hospital, so we even commute together. It's scary to think my 'other half' is breaking off into a territory that I'll never REALLY know about or be involved in. Maybe I should have applied to med school with him ;) That's just my fear talking!!
M3 is going to be the worst year as far as time commitments, but even then, only during certain rotations like OB/GYN, Surgery, and Internal Medicine where they're expected to pre-round or have early cases.
For M1 and M2, I would suggest helping create a study haven in your new place--a comfortable room or even corner of a room with a good ergonomic chair, bookcase, lamp, etc. Lots of our students study here on campus before going home (to avoid traffic) so you can plan on using that time to have your own hobbies or cook new recipes. It's a bit of a throwback to the traditional gender roles, but I actually find that I enjoy being the one who cooks... it's relaxing. Be open to having study sessions at your house and you'll see him more often. Get a Keurig if you don't already have one--it will definitely come in handy.
I agree with PPs--you will make an excellent med student/resident/attending's wife. :)
@DaneLady: That would be awesome and I would totally take you up on that offer if we do end up in Richmond!
@Miss Longcoat: So happy you mentioned cooking...I LOVE to cook. I cook as often as I can. I have often imagined busying myself outside of work with things like training for a half-marathon, keeping the house clean so as to not stress him out, and making new meals for him so he'll have something homemade when he gets home. It does sound like a throwback, but truth be told, I grew up with a mother who did not have to work, so she was a stay at home mom who always had a homemade meal prepared and on the table by the time my dad got home from work. It's honestly how I'd like my life to be. I just worry about being lonely or not 'living up to' this expectation I've set for myself.
@akp0702: You won't be lonely--especially if you let him have study sessions at your place. Make sure you offer to help him study--that can be fun too, and if you get the Recall series or Cliff Note-like study guides, it's easy for you to quiz him. I do that to our students all the time, and give them candy if they get stuff right. :)
Remember too, every year is SO different. M1 and M2, he'll be home more than you will be if you're working a full time job. Most kids don't even go to lecture, they just study on their own after they figure out which classes they can get away with. If you have an opportunity to meet spouses/SOs of his class members, definitely do it as soon as possible, even if you have to host a little dinner party at your place. No one really understands the life unless you're in it somehow.
@Miss Longcoat: Great tips for helping him study!
When he interviewed at VCU, he stayed over night with an M2 student, and I was shocked to learn that this guy is home by noon every day, and studies until about 3 or 4 and then has more free time than FI or I thought was possible. He also said that lots of students will download or podcast lectures (which I guess is an option at VCU? not sure about everywhere) and don't go to class all the time.
One thing that concerns me is that I can't seem to find any groups for spouses at VCU. Every other school he's applied to and interviewed at has had some form of spousal support group or other organization to keep the spouses involved in the school, exam times, and other facets of the med students school lives. Obviously, that's also a great way and one of the most reliable ways to meet other spouses. It worries me a little bit that VCU doesn't seem to have one!
I'll definitely look into those ways to quiz him. Although instead of candy, maybe I'll remove clothing for each right answer...there we go, helping him study and keeping our sex-life interesting. Two birds, one stone :)
I'll definitely look into those ways to quiz him. Although instead of candy, maybe I'll remove clothing for each right answer...there we go, helping him study and keeping our sex-life interesting. Two birds, one stone :)
^^ LOVE this! Evil genius, you are :)
You've gotten a lot of great advice on here. I'm not a medical spouse but my husband has a career on the fast track, causing him to travel a lot and he is considering starting his PhD after he finishes his Masters in the spring. It really depends on your guy if you can help him study, my husband barely wants me to talk to him when he is working on homework so that he can focus and concentrate.
Also try not to do everything to make it easier on him, you don't want to take all the burden of doing everything on yourself, it gets tough sometimes. Good luck wherever you decide to move!
There is a spouse group, they even have an event at M1 orientation. I can't remember their acronym though... I will ask around.
i've been a long time lurker but decided to come out of hiding to respond to this post. 
first- congrats and welcome to the club! my husband is a 1st year surgery resident so i know exactly how your feeling. med school IS stressful and time consuming. but it does not mean it has to take over your life.
(heck, we planned a 150 person wedding 3rd year, and common wisdom is that 3rd year is the worst stress wise for med students. and my husband was completely involved in the wedding- helping call vendors, make favors, picking songs for the DJ, design invitations... everything!)
that said, it will be a big transition. he will have to study- A LOT. its easy to get resentful but if you keep yourself busy and have hobbies or friends, it makes a big difference. i adopted a cat (lower maintenence than a dog) and its so much nicer to have her when im lonely and hubby's on call overnight.
you can definitely help him study. i would help with board review questions or read him journal articles if we were going somewhere and he was driving.
but the biggest thing, i think, is to be his escape. we used to have a ten minute rule, where we would come home and each talk about our day for ten minutes (my work vs. his school), and then we would eat dinner together and just focus on us. or the wedding. or family. anything.
the weirdest thing to me happened recently when we went out to eat near the hospital. a nurse was at the bar and came up to my husband and said "hey, doc." it caught me off guard because i never heard someone call him doctor! if you would see my husband at home, minus the white coat hanging on the wall, you would never know he was a doctor or a surgeon-in-training. and i hope it always feels that way.
sorry that was so long, i wish you the best. it's a long journey, but absolutely worth it!
My partner is not a med student or doctor, but he is a nurse (RN, BSN) and is currently in graduate school to be a family nurse practitioner and working full time. I'm also a grad student and this semester sucked. Our schedules were opposite. However, there were lots of good times. I also believe that there are ways to make things work, no matter what. Making our office a haven has helped so much. I do use my lap top in the living room a lot, but having two separate desks and dedicated space is great. I know that helps him a ton.
I'm working on a PhD and realize that everyone has different study (and school) habitss. Note cards make my life work and I suggest them to students. However, they don't do a ton for my partner. he does appreciate me quizing him on anything I know about. I have learned that asking him to explain stuff (he just took an anatomy course) helps him. So i looked at his schedule and each week in my planner i just wrote down the basic area they were studying. Then at some point, I'd ask him some questions. Part of it helped me learn, but I know it helped him.
Having food or snacks handy was also good. I know he had a lot of days where he was running out the door.
I know having a schedule helps me a ton. It sometimes helps my partner. We just made sure that we planned dates with each other. Once a week he would meet me in my office and we'd have an hour or less. We'd have dinner and it was so nice - partly b/c it was my long day and I would otherwise often forget to eat (and I was away from home for anywhere from 9 to 15 hours). It was also nice to talk and be together. I would know every week that was our time. Even when we didn't see each other a lot, we made small amounts of time - even if it was cuddling for 3 minutes before he lefft for work. 3 minutes of spare time? Let's make use! We text a ton. Not sure how much phone usage you guys are into, but it really helps us. I know when he is at work he isn't always checking his phone so often I'll go several hours without response (and i get a litle busy too), but it is nice. he loves it when I text him pictures of our dog, and tell him silly things. I follow a few silly blogs on Tumblr, and if it's something he'd like, I text it to him.
I buy a bunch of cards at a time at Hallmark (both my mom and I are card people) to give him randomly. Just to let him know i care. I tend to do it a lot when he works 3 or 4 days (12 hour shifts) in a row.
he's a neat freak so I also really work on keeping the house in order... which is hard for me! I"m not a total slob, but I'm not neat. I'm not dirty (I can't stand any dirty dishes in teh sink! While I'm cooking, I'm washing as I go!), but there's stacks of papers. My desk is books and stacks of papers - that's just me. he hates it, but lets me have my half of the room.
@elizabeth_001: Thanks!! How do you compare residency with med school in terms of time you get to spend together?
@akp0702: @DaneLady: I'm here at MCV too! Actually right in the Fan!
@gogogiraffes: Awesome!! How do you like it? Both the school and Richmond?
I work there, and it's okay. :/ lots of people stressed out right now. Since the university closes for a week. So if they need something from university end, well... thats closed.
But Richmond, I adore. I love shopping in Carytown. And going to the baseball games. (Where we're getting married, a week before you!) And Maymont is devine.
So awesome!! Well, VCU was the first school we heard back from, so we're waiting on about four more...if we end up in Richmond we should all definitely do a WB Richmond meet-up :) I could use some friendly faces and sound advice in a new city!
I prefer residency. By far. We lived apart his 1st 2 years of med school. My job was in the city, his school was more rural. He was able to schedule most of his rotations in year 3 and 4 in the city when I worked. Then, luckily, the stars aligned for us and he got his residency here too.
In school, even when we spent time together, I always felt this annoying little voice in the back of my head saying “Did he really have enough time to study? Should I really have asked him to come with me to this party/ graduation/ wedding when he has a big anatomy test in 2 weeks?” As a student, studying is never “done”, you could always do more. Now in residency, that voice is finally gone. As a resident, the hours are longer, but when he’s home, he’s home. If he’s post call, the hospital isn’t even allowed to page him. I feel like the quality of our time is better. Does that make sense?
There are still boards, but from what I’ve heard if you passed steps 1 and 2 solidly, step 3 should be a non-issue.
I am not a wife of but my brother is in medical school, graduating this May, and I would just say that you should be patient with him (which it sounds like yuo're on your way to doing anyway). It blows my mind just how busy he is all the time (We both lived at home for the bulk of his school). The first two years were constnat studying, and then the third adn fourth were just lots of rotations. He lives in and out of Philly and our parent's house depending on which of 2 hospitals he had a rotation at. Some schedules were great and he was home a lot, others he worked 36 hour shifts twice a week. And then when he wasn't working he was studying for tests because there's one at every rotation and then tons of boards, licensing exams, etc.
So I guess where I'm going with that is prepare for him to be really busy and at times unavailable a lot, which you probably knew anywya. I think what would help is to really talk about how to plan your time together, becuase he's going to need his alone time too. You'll just have to figure out how to work in dates and how often you should check in/text each other, etc. A lot of times my brother was in surgeries and couldnt' get to his phone for a few hours at a time, which I know drove my mother crazy! And make sure you discuss what things need to be done around the house and who will do what, and what's a temporary arrangement, etc.
It'll be fine, it sounds like you are already really understanding and on a good track!
@elizabeth_001: That is what I've heard regarding residency versus med school. It's such a weird trade-off...he's likely to be home more with class schedules, etc (I've heard specifically at VCU they have lectures available as podcasts so you can download them at home...some missing a class isn't a huge issue) but when they ARE home there is always something to do...never a real break because even a break is time that COULD be spent studying (not that it necessarily HAS to be spent studying). I like that residency is more of a job, when they are home, they are there and not worrying about studying, etc. It seems that residency may be longer hours and call shifts, but the at home time is really for relaxing or extracurricular activites.
What is vacation time like during residency? I know this obviously varies from program to program and with different specialties, but in your experience? I do like that med school has actual breaks so there is that bit of relaxation around the holidays especially!
@akp0702: yes! Shopping in carytown is great! Or up to short pump or stony point if you need a big mall for shopping. Or a baseball game! Going downtown. LOTS of stuff!
At his hospital, he gets 2 weeks off per year. One week is either the week before or the week after Christmas, and another that they designate. For him, it was the week before Thanksgiving. I think he would have preferred to have them spaced out a little more, but that’s just how it worked.
He also gets a few personal days 3 or 4, I think. The only catch is they have to be scheduled in advance and can’t be used during certain rotations (surgery, night block, day block, ect.). Also, all the interns rotate for holidays. So he worked 4th of July and will work 8am Christmas Eve to 8am Christmas morning, and then no more holidays til the end of intern year!
It’s definitely manageable. But med school definitely has the edge, break-wise.
When he does interview, the call schedule is what you should really pay attention to. Some places where my husband looked at had interns doing call q2 or q3, which would just be miserable. He averages q4, sometimes less than that. The few times he has done q2, I’ve noticed he doesn’t eat, sleep, or exercise well. Your body just is not meant to function like that. I cannot imagine the toll it would take on someone’s health to do that regularly for a whole year. Not to mention the danger to the patients.
We also had to move within 20 minutes of his hospital, which meant a longer commute for me. But it’s worth it. Because after he’s been up for 24 hours, I wouldn’t want him driving much longer than that to get home anyway.
Does he have a specialty in mind yet? Some people change their mind 2 or 3 times, but not everyone. My husband wanted to do surgery from his 1st day of med school. I secretly hoped he might change his mind to IM and a shorter residency. No luck. But at the end of the day, he’s happy so I’m happy. And I bet there are a lot of people on here who wish their SO’s loved their jobs as much as ours do. They would trade places with us in a second, even if it meant they could see their SO’s less. :-)
@elizabeth_001: It's true, to know that he'll be so happy is really fulfilling for me. I have mixed feelings about how I feel about fate, destiny, etc. but I feel so strongly about this: being a doctor is absolutely what he was put on earth to do. I know in my heart there is nothing else he could do that would fulfill him th way being a doctor would be. Which is the exact reason he wouldn't settle for PA school. It makes me really proud and I spend a lot of time being in awe of him in a good way haha!
Thanks for the tip about paying attention to the call schedule...he is currently a volunteer EMT on the weekends, so he's used to 24 hour shifts where sleep is interuppted by a call, but I definitely agree that I wouldn't want him on call every other night. And it's funny you brought up the driving thing...I have worried and wondered about this very thing when I think of him coming home after long, exhausting shifts at the hospital. I hate the thought of him driving tired!!
In terms of speciality he's really interested in emergency medicine (which is desirable for me because he'll never be on call. And he likes the idea of 3 12-hour shifts a week. He is also very interested in cardiology (and is considering doing dual boards in both IM and emergency medicine so he could do caridology whenever he wanted). Initially, he wanted to do CT Surgery, but the time commitment and "quality of life" was something he wasn't willing to sacrafice. I think he'd probably like surgery the most, but he's decided agasint those simply because of how demanding they are.
My FI is a 3rd year in medical school. We've been together for almost five years, since he took the MCAT. So I've been with him through almost the entire process, which has actually been really special. I'll start from the beginning and go through the years to tell you my survival strategy.
I actually moved to LA just to be with him when he got into med school in LA (I'm from near San Francisco). So I moved somewhere where I knew only one person and that's it. It was nice to know one person, but it still could have gotten lonely. I ended up getting a job at the university he goes to school. I found this really helpful because a lot of people who work at universities are young. I was 22 when I started the job, and about half of the people I worked with were in their 20s. So I made friends with my co-workers, and would go out with them after work and on weekends. They were my main friend group in LA for the two years I worked there. Also, there are TWO things I HIGHLY recommend: 1) Get hobbies that you do alone. You need to have a life separate from you FI to keep you sane. 2) Have a designated date night. My FI and I have Friday designated as date night. We both love to eat at restaurants, so we try a different restaurant every week. It acts as a great way to get to know a new city and spend time away with my FI. He has never been too busy to go out on date night (except the week before finals, which we designated as stay-at-home date night during which he studied, but we spent the evening together at least). He really enjoys spending one-on-one time with me to reconnect and getting away from the med school thing. He needs decompression time too!
I'll say that M1 and M2 actually weren't that bad. I was expecting to NEVER see him, but he was home way more than I was when I was working 40 hours a week. He just studied at home. I have helped him study a lot. He had to practice physical exams so he'd practice on me. He has this flashcard program on his phone, so when we went places, he'd drive and I'd quiz him while he was driving. But besides that, when he got stressed, I would hug him and ask, "What can I do for you to make you feel a little better?" Sometimes it was nothing, but asking was nice. As for chores around the house. The first two years, he did all the cooking (he loves cooking) and would clean some. However, he would never remember to clean, so when I wanted something cleaned I would ask him. I still did most of the housework, but it's only fair when I am not that busy. While I am a feminist (I actually have my bachelor's in Feminist Studies), I think it's fine that I end up doing a lot of the housework because we're actually splitting total labor down the middle. Yeah, his labor is his work, but ultimately it will help me (he will be making significantly more money than me one day).
Sorry this is so long, but I have a lot to say! Moving on to M3, which we're about half way through this year. I actually am now in a masters program at the same university my SO is at. So now we're both grad students, but I have a lot more time than he does. M3 varies SO MUCH! The first few rotations he works 8-5 Monday through Friday. He would study when he was home, but he actually had weekends where we could spend time together. Date night was never an issue! He just finished inpatient internal medicine and that was crazy! He worked 6 days a week and each day was at least 13 hour days, sometimes much longer. I miss him, but since I have my own thing going on, it's a bit easier. I actually think he's in a final as we speak!
Alright before this gets insanely long, a few more things to say. I LOVE being a medical partner/spouse! I know a lot of partners get negative about it all, but I really wouldn't have it any other way. I'm a very independent person so I like doing things without him sometimes. I am very career-oriented as well so I like knowing that I can put my career first and not feel guilty about it. I'm studying to be a teacher and I have very little free time myself! We actually decided before we ever agreed to date that we would always be career-first people. Now that we're engaged and will be together for the rest of our lives we've altered it to be this: When we CAN put each other first we will, but that's not always possible.
It is WONDERFUL to live with someone who loves what they are doing. I had a job I HATED for two years and seeing him love what he's doing inspired me to take chances in life and follow my dreams. If it weren't for him, I would probably never had applied to get a masters to be a teacher (or at least not when I did). He inspires me to be a better person and to really love life. Yes, it's hard and he's not always happy, but when he talks about his patients, I can just tell he loves it. And I wouldn't trade that for the world.
One last thing. Some couples end up taking each other for granted after a while. We don't. Because we treasure the time we do get to spend together, we really appreciate each other. I do 100% of the housework now that he is working crazy hours, and he geniuinely appreciates it. Every time I do his laundry he sincerely thanks me! What other woman can say that??? He often tells me he doesn't know how he would get through med school without me! We say "I love you" all the time!
All in all, it's hard but great. But have your own life and enjoy the ride! Having a medical spouse is hard but rewarding. :) Feel free to PM me whenever :)
Re: driving- yeah, this is something I wish people took more seriously. I think there was a JAMA article somewhere that residents driving home after call had similar reaction times to drunk drivers! I know some residents that literally live next door to the hospital so they can walk home and not drive. That didn’t work for us, but we did try to limit the commute as much as possible. Still, it is a legitimate worry. Unfortunately, there is not much sympathy for exhaustion (or illness… though that’s a whole other animal) in the medical community.
@Ms.GoodEarth: Aww thanks for all of that personal insight. It's really helpful. I definitely know I have to be diligent about finding my OWN hobbies and my own life outside of him. I am not great about being independent...I genuinely like being with him more than any one else...and everything I do seems to always be something I'd much rather be doing with him. I will admit I have a little bit of a problem being away from him (not to sound clingy, but it's the lifestyle we've become accustomed to). The first two years of our relationship were long distance while we finished undergrad 1.5 hours away from each other...so I am familiar with having to wait five days to just see him in person. I will not take for granted the fact that even if he's home studying...at least he's THERE in the house and will be sleeping in the same bed as me.
I think my biggest fear is that med school means he'll "leave me behind"...not so much literally but more, getting further and further down a path that I just can't follow. I worry that he'll far surpass me in certain areas (which he will...I mean, he'll be a doctor and I'll have a master's in English so education wise, we're polar opposites!) and I won't be an adequate enough person to talk to about things he wants to talk to. I fear that he'd rather talk about medicine stuff with med school people and there won't be any left over for me :( Probably a stupid fear, but I already try to engage in as much as I can with him...he's explained to me all about EKGs and cardiac caths (he works in the cardiology department at the hospital where we are both employed)...and he gets SOO adorably enthusiastic talking about medical stuff/cardiology. I am genuinely interestd as well, but sometimes it's soooo over my head and he can't quite figure out how to explain it to me.
For at least the first semester, I'll also be finishing up grad school so I have that to dedicate my time to. And I love that you mentioned how he inspired you to go after certain things...my FI is the sole reason I decided to apply to graduate school, and why I graudated from undergrad with a 3.8. When we started dating and I saw his drive and his perfectionist outlook about school work and how determined he was to be the best at what he was learning, I tried to emulate that as much as possible. He has inspired me more than anyone else I can think of my entire life! And I'm sure he'll continue to do so!
@akp0702: aw FI and I are polar opposites with school and stuff. And I really enjoy sitting down with him and letting him know what stuff he has been doing. Medicine would just... be amazing to talk about.
Here in Richmond, you could even get close to a bus stop if you're in The Fan or something, or even in ChurchHill and other neighborhoods, and he could walk to the bus stop and the bus stops right outside of the hospital. It's pretty nice. That's actually how I get to work.
@akp0702:I know what you mean about the fear of leaving you behind. I think whenever a partner embarks on something separate from the other, this is a fear. He's not too social of a person, so he didn't really hang out with his classmates much. But the classmates he did hang out with or study with, I knew and would sometimes join them. Other than that, I ask him questions and tell him that he has to practice talking about medicine to a lay person, because that's what he'll be required to do in his profession when talking to patients! I think that's a way to stay involved in terms of content. Just think, there are things about English and literature that he doesn't know, and I'm sure he doesn't feel left behind! You sound super supportive and really interested in getting to know about his schooling. I'm sure this getting left behind won't be a big problem :)
Also about spending time together, I totally get that too. When we were in undergrad, we spent almost all of our time together! It's really hard to adjust, but you'll get used to it. Just make sure the time you have together is quality. :)
Good luck!!! Your fiancé is lucky to have such a supportive partner!
hi guys im not a wife of med student but i am going to be a medstudent as i got in...
What I expect from my fiance is a full emotional support esp when im crazy busy or need some comfort dealing with so much work to do.. and understanding when im like full time busy or very sensitive ..
My fiancé and I are not in med school... But we are in physician assistant school. I would say the amount of studying and class time is quite comparable but it's not as long. Anyways... We actually met in our program. And it's been difficult because of the studying BUT we always take time whether it's a hour or just 5 minutes to snuggle. We get stressed during finals... But we've managed to avoid arguements because we turn it into humor. You get goofy after studying 15 hours straight! I would not expect him to do a lot of chores or work around the house during midterms or big exams. But you can make it work! Just be understanding :)
I am actually the medical student in the relationship, and Mr Elk works a 9-5 pretty normal job. I am about to graduate in May. I can tell you that Mr Elk was surprised by how much he got to see me and how much time we had together during my time in med school. I had been telling him how crazy it was going to be, how I would never be around, and how hed be lonely. Now he thinks I'm the girl who cried wolf! MS1 and MS2 I spent a lot of time studying, but I could watch lectures at home and the days weren't too long. The weeks of tests I definietely spent long nights at the library, but still I wasn't like completely asbent. I think MS2 year was my least favorite and I was therefore most miserable. MS3 year was by far the longest hours. My worst rotations were surgery, parts of OB/GYN and pediatrics. that will all depend on the hospital and how things work, but my worst days were 6AM-8PM, and then some 24 hours shifts. Even then, it was only 2-4 weeks of those hours, then a 2 week break doing work in an outpatient clinic with better hours. And even though it was the longest hours, I was the happiest becuase I was actually getting to semi-practice medicine! Not sit in a classroom all day.
I can tell you I am definitely more worried about my residency. Residency in any specialty is hard, and I am so glad I will be in pediatrics which is not the level of insanity any surgical residency would be. I know I will be pulling 12-15 hour days much more regularly, and won't get the typical "school" breaks I am so used to getting (Christmas-New years, major holidays, etc). I don't know if Mr Elk is truly prepared, because I overprepared him for medical school which lookingback felt like a breeze in our relationship.....
As the person in medical school, what I have always expected from mr Elk was understanding. I needed him to understand that when I had a test, I woulldn't be around. I wouldn't be eating dinner wtih him. I wuldn't be cleaning. I wouldn't be hanging out. He completely understood that during my busiest times, when I was working 12 hour + days, that he would pick up my slack. At the same time I've had a lot of downtime this year and am trying to pick up the slack (housework and such) that I haven't really done previously because I was so much busier than him.
Like a few others, I am the med student and my DH is the non-medical one. In terms of feeling left behind, I don't think my husband feels that way because I purposely spend most of my free time with him. It's true that med school classes are close-knit, but I feel like as a married student, I am less a part of this than my classmates, which is ok. Some of my closest friends in the class are also married, and we spend time together in class etc. but we each go home to our spouses at the end of the day, whereas a lot of the class spends much more time together. For me, my marriage is more important that medical school - not that I don't take school seriously and spend a LOT of time studying. I actually think it helps keep me more sane when I can't be a totally crazy, study 24-7 person because I have my husband's needs to consider as well.
Best wishes to you and your FI, I'm sure you will figure out a balance that works for you :)
I am not yet married to SH but we started dating when he was in Medical school..It was great at first but later, i started to understand what i had gotten into(laughs). I jokingly tease him that i know who my rivals are....'his books'! Gosh he does a wole lot of studying and never seems to tire. He would soon proceed for residency and from what i gather here, the hours should be better..Im really hoping it is cos we want to get married just before he starts his residency program and id have to move to a new city with him.I really dont want to be lonely and waiting on him to come home. Anyways im sure with this thread i could find some company when the time comes..
@akp0702..i luv ur enthusiasm with helping your FI out. You are one special wife your husband is lucky to have..
Hi! My FI and are are both med students, we met our first year of medical school. The situation is different because we both understand what the other goes through, etc. I have watched some relationships of my friends fail because their girlfriends/boyfriends who weren't in medical school didn't understand the demands and started to get resentful. It takes a very strong, independent spouse to handle the situation you will be in and I think you are definitely on the right track! Just appreciate the time you have together when you have it. Also, medical school is STRESSFUL. There are times in my first two years where I hated my life and started to get depressed. So, be ready to catch him when he falls, so to speak, and just let him know that you are there for him. Mostly, it sounds like you are prepared and will be a phenomenal spouse!
@medsie35: This. I completely agree with this.
@akp0702: I'm the daughter of two physicians, and I was about 10 when they started their residencies, and all of my family friends are physicians so I've been pretty immersed in the full spectrum of the medical field from a young age. Additionally, I have two very close friends who are M1's right now, so I know what they're going through.
It's definitely going to be a long road, but it's good to see you ready to support your FI in the ways that you can and to make things easier for him. I honestly think that the two most important things are going to be understanding and the ability to give your FI emotional support when he needs it. PP's have said it a lot, but it seems like you're going to be well-prepared and a great partner for him.
I guess the only thing I'd have to add (I haven't read all the replies, so I don't know whether someone said something along these lines) is that I hope you can leave this being left behind fear behind. I'm sure that won't be the case, if you have the strong relationship that you seem you do. Sure, your FI will probably talk to other medical professionals about medical things, but you'll be with him when he gets home, and I'm sure he'll have plenty to talk about with you as well. Besides that, anything you don't understand, he'll be able to explain to you (which will also help with his understanding of the material 
) and help him decompress/deal with his emotions. The important thing is to show interest in what he is doing. It's good to see you're already doing that! Completely different example, but my boyfriend is a mechanical engineer and I don't know much about what he does, but he goes out of his way to explain things and I'm super enthusiastic about asking him to explain all the details to me (I think what he does is really interesting, to be honest). Sure, I don't understand everything, but I understand enough when he explains it to me, and it makes me feel a lot more connected to him. I'm sure your FI will get better about explaining things as time goes on and he has a better grasp on what's going on.
Other than that, I think you are, but I'm going to mention that hopefully you're okay with your FI's work life being a big priority for him. I know it depends on what he chooses to do specialization-wise, and what his residency (and fellowship, if he decides to go that route) programs are like, but I hope you're the type of person who is going to understand that your FI loves you very much, but that his job is always going to be important to him. Growing up, I didn't have the type of parents who attended all of my recitals or concerts or sporting events, but I think that has made me a stronger and more compassionate person. It allowed me to recognize that it's not the amount of time you spend with someone that matters, rather it is what you do with that time and how much you love someone that is really going to make an impact on the person. I'm the proudest person on the planet of my parents, and I'm really glad they went the route that they did and that they ended up with careers that fulfill them and allow them to accomplish their goals. It seems that you're on the same page, but I still thought I should mention this explicitly.
And the last thing I wanted to say was that one of my close friends who is currently an M1 goes to a school with a lot of people who have spouses who are in non-medical fields, and they seemed to be really happy/making it work from what I've heard from her and the two times that I have been to visit her. I sincerely hope it's the same for you! 
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I am now among the brave and elite ranks of the medical spouses!! FI got his first med school acceptance this past week (we're still waiting to hear from a few more schools before we know for sure whe're we'll go). I am so proud of him, and have posted on here before about his journey to med school, my fears, and how our relationship will change and evolve as he becomes a doctor.
Of course, until last week, this was still all hypothetical, all 'what ifs', all 'oh, that would never happen to us', and some 'maybe it won't happen after all'. Now that he is definitely going next fall, it's time for me to get serious about what to expect....and about what I can contribute.
So, for you wives or spouses that have gone through this or are going through this...what advice can you offer? I am slowly but surely coming to terms with how much truth there really is about how little time I'll have with him, how much studying he really will have to do, how much effort I'll have to put into acclimating to a new place and cultivating my own life outside of his (otherwise I'd do nothing but work and sit around the house with our dog, waiting for a few spare minutes he has!). I'm feeling prepared, but there is so much I still am unsure about.
I don't ever want to make him feel like he's lacking in what he has time or energy to contribute at home (be it chores, other 'honey dos', or time we have to spend together). But I want to make sure I emphasize that time needs to be made for the two of us whenever possible. How can I do this without seeming smothering, overbearing, or demanding?
As for school...do any of you contribute to your spouse's study habits? Help him make flashcards, or practice exames, or anything like that? I imagine that this could be something I'd love to contribute to him, and if nothing else it would help me spend a bit more time with him and also get a glimpse into his med life...is that too far fetched??
Alot to think about, and I'd really appreciate your tips on how to maintain happiness and fulfillment as the 'non medical spouse', a healthy marriage, a well-rounded personal life, and other contributions that can take some of the load off of him.
How demanding do I soudn?!? ;-)