(Closed) Wives/girlfriends of 2nd shift husbands

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My husband works 3-11 and I work 8-5. He works at the sheriffs office so I totally understand where you are coming from. I only see him during my lunch, if he’s home, and at night, if I’m still awake. It’s so so hard to deal with but the best thing I can sugguest is for you to find some hobbies. Maybe take some cooking classes at night or some other kind of class. His schedule isn’t going to change so you have to find a way to be happy.

I’m sorry he doesn’t act like he misses you, I don’t know how I would handle that. Thankfully my husband hates his schedule just as much as I do. We make the most of the time we have, his days off, but it’s rare that he isn’t working overtime.

If nothing else, you are going through a really tough time and it should make your marriage strong. If you can get through this then you know you can handle a lot together.

Stay strong, I know how hard it is. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am sure he misses you, but maybe he also accepts that he can’t change the situation and doesn’t want to dwell on how crappy it is? I work 8:30-4:30 and FI works 2-10, which is really 1-11 when you factor in his commute. Luckily, I work from home remotely, so even if I’m a little busy, I get to see him in the morning before he goes into work. 

I don’t have a ton of advice, other than communicate with your husband and don’t take the time that you do have together for granted. Is this a permanent thing, or could your husband eventually change his shift? I know that it helps FI and I to know that it isn’t permanent, and in a year or so when he has some seniority, he should be able to switch to a better shift. Would this be an option for your husband?

Post # 5
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My FI’s schedule changes every 28 days so sometimes he’s stuck working 3PM-11PM and other weeks he’s working 7AM-3PM, but often gets drafted to work 3PM-11PM. I work 6AM-3PM so our schedules clash most of the time. When he’s working second shift I really only see him for 15 minutes in the morning and maybe 5 minutes when he gets home.

It’s definitely hard, and I think in time he plans to move into something with a better-fitting schedule, but until then we both just have to suck it up.

Like other bees said, it’s best to find a hobby and keep yourself busy. Maybe hang out with friends more, join a gym, find a second job you can do at home, etc. Keeping busy has made things a bit easier for me.

The best part about having opposite shifts is that when you get to see each other, it’s great, and you really appreciate the time you do get together.

Post # 8
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t see my FI at all. He starts his first job @ 4:30 am and his second job is 3:30-11:30pm.  I work from 8-4.  We see each other on the weekends.  during the week we call each other about 3 times a day, but they are usually very short conversations.

Post # 9
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@ButterflyDoll:  Yeah I understand your concern, that’d kind of worry/tick me off as well. Is he just tired from work? Drained? Maybe just express that he doesn’t seem so enthusiastic to be home with you and that it’s making you feel sad/scared. FI and I are on Cloud 10 when we do get to see each other and if he wasn’t excited there’d be some issues!

Post # 10
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My DH works 7pm till 5.30am, so he has to leave work at 6pm, and I work 8am-4pm, so we only very briefly get to see each other in the evenings, and thats if I dont end up in traffic. Its really hard to think that as other people are sttling down for their time together in the evening, hes getting ready to leave for work. But, it is what it is, we see each other at weekends, and we talk for a short while in the morning before I go to work.

Dont feel so bad that he isnt going nuts with excitement over spending every possible moment with you. I know with my DH,he is exhausted a lot of the time and although he really does try hard to spend time with me sometimes he really just has to hit the hay!

 

Post # 11
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

DH doesn’t have a set schedule (truck driver), but he usually works 8 AM-6 or 7, but often it runs to 9-10-11-12’oclock before he’s off. I work 545-2:30, so I’m gone before he gets up and don’t get to see him until he’s off, and if he gets off too late, I’m already asleep. It sucks, but we have every Sunday off together, so we make the most of it.

Post # 12
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Some people just aren’t that expressive. Just because he doesn’t jump up and down doesn’t mean he’s not happy to be with you. Unless he’s expressive about everything else and only reserved about this, I wouldn’t take it so personally.

Post # 13
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@ButterflyDoll:  not exactly the night shift, but he works 3:30 pm-1am sometimes later, and I work 10am-7. I know how you feel. We have wednesdays off together, otherwise I only see him for the brief 30 seconds he comes and kisses me on the forehead after work and vice versa when I leave in the am. Unless he has a day off, then I see him when I come home. 

It gets hard for me often, but we figure if we work hard now, we will live happier later. 

As far as him showing emotion, that depends. Sometimes he will be really clingy, send me texts at work when he has a day off saying he misses me, other days I will come home and need some cuddle time and he will kinda scoot away. We both work stressful jobs that suck our energy, so we just live with it. I would suggest letting him know you need some sort of reassurance you’re missed/needed. He might not realize how hard it is for you (:

Post # 14
Member
3553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

You said your husband works at a correctional facility. This might have something to do with his lack of expressed emotions. During my criminal justice class in college we read a book called Newjack, Gaurding Sing Sing, it was a really insightful look into what actually goes on in a prison. One thing that the author talked about that really stood out to me was how he felt that he had to shut down his emotions while he was at work, and then when he went home to his family he had a hard time turning them back on.

I would talk to your husband about how you feel and how he feels, because that is something you should both know about each other. He may actually be excited to spend time with you, but is forgetting to express those emotions. If he’s not excited, then that’s something you need to address.

In the mean time you might want to check out that book. It might or might not help you understand what his work is like a bit more, at least it’s an interesting read.

Post # 15
Member
1541 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

SO basically has to work until the work is done. He doesn’t have a specific time when he gets off. He goes in, in the morning and, like right now (8:30pm) still isn’t home. There’s been times he works all night, or when he comes home at a decent hour, but has work to do from home. Then he’ll have a length of time when he’s home at 5:30 for awhile. Sometimes he also has to work on weekends.

Luckily, he may be getting an opportunity to switch departments into a more 9-5 schedule *crosses fingers*

When he’s at work, I try and keep busy and enjoy my time. I do get down about it and express it to him.

Post # 16
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@ButterflyDoll:  I’m a nurse and so is my FI. I work 7p-7a and he usually works 7a-7p. Recently he has been doing more night shifts so that has been nice. We try to schedule our work days and days off the same if we can. It’s hard, though. 

Once we have children I will be switching to days and he will stay nights, so I am not looking forward to that. 

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