- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
Before the wedding, I had some serious doubts. There was a lot happening in my life, and on top of that my FI and I had moved in together and were adjusting. We went to counseling and things looked positive. We went ahead with the wedding. We love each other.
Post-wedding, things were great. At first.
Now, life stress has ramped up again. And past-patterns have crept back in. I don’t know if my expectations are unrealistic or if we should be hustling back to counseling or what. I feel so neglected, though. We live separate lives in the same house, with each of us working long hours (i am in the midst of reducing mine, he is in the midst of increasing his). We were talking about starting a family but that has been shelved – and I think it is good, even though it may mean we miss our opportunity (we are in our mid/late 30s). We are total opposites, as far as likes/dislikes/social habits go, and while some compromise has to happen I don’t see him making any effort to take my needs and preferences into account. (For instance – large groups give me huge anxiety – but he still only invites me out to big parties where I don’t know anyone. I have suggested doing things with another couple or two, so I can get to know his friends a few at a time – but he has never taken the initiative to do this and then complains that I am not social.)
We talk about holidays and vacations. Again – different preferences. He doesn’t want to find a compromise – he wants it to be his choice (Vegas – again, thinking large crowds and anxiety inducing for me) – and refuses to go on holidays to places I suggest or prefer anymore. I think there must be a place that is in-between the craziness of Vegas and a the quiet beach locale I usually choose, but he isn’t open to discussing – he just gets defensive. He has said I will need to go alone.
I grew up across the country and my entire family lives there. His family lives down the street. I asked at the time we got engaged if we could commit to moving closer to my family and he agreed. He keeps moving the date forward, however – saying no jobs are as appealing as his current one. In fact, he has suggested I can find a job, and move, and he will join me in a few years. I mean – living a six hour (and nearly $1000 return flight) away from my husband?
Not to mention the “bedroom” is dead.
We have been married for two months. TWO MONTHS.
Am I unrealistic? I just thought marriage would include doing things together. Eating meals together. Chatting at the end of the day. Curling up together in bed. Doing mundane things like grocery shopping. Planning trips.
Is this fixable? Bees, any suggestions? How do I save this?