Wondering if I Made the Wrong Choice

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@yaena:  Go to counseling ASAP! You both need help because it should not be like this, especially if neither of you are content. However, if there were problems before the marriage then it was unrealistic to expect them to dissappear after you got married. I am sorry you are going through this but I think you should fight to get this to work. You may need to sit your husband down and talk to him because it sounds like that is very much needed. It just seems like life has stepped in the way and that stress is high. Seek help and stay positive, good luck! 

 

Post # 4
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m sorry you are going through this. It sounds very stressful and disheartening.  Go back to counseling. I think with work and compromise almost anything is fixable. Counseling will help you to determine if he is willing to put in the work and compromise. I hope things get better for you. 

Post # 5
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Short answer: Yes, this is fixable. Seek couples counseling as soon as you can.

Long answer: The two of you will always be different and have different preferences, you just need to work on your communication and learning to compromise. It seems that you know this. But your husband seems to not be quite picking up on the message.

It can be fixed, but it sounds like it’s going to take quite a bit of work, and significantly more effort on his part.

The bedroom part is concerning, but not super surprising considering that it is probably a symptom of the built up frustration/resentment in the other aspects of your relationship. But if you aren’t having sex (and one or both of you sees that as being a problem), then something is most definitely ‘unhealthy’ and you should seek outside help as soon as you can to work on better communicating with each other.

Post # 6
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@yaena:  Yikes! He actually is like “Why don’t you move a few hours away and in a few YEARS I will join my wife”??? None of his behaviour sounds like a man who loves his wife and wants to make her happy, like a man who is willing the make the sacrifices associated with marriage. I think you guys should head into couples counseling asap. 

Post # 7
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

It sounds like counseling helped the first time around so go back an keep doing that with him.

 

The fact that the bedroom is dead is also a big red flag.

Post # 8
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I agree– back to counseling. 

In general I don’t think there’s any reason that two people who have very different tastes and preferences can’t make an excellent couple; but they have to be engaged with each other and the process of making compromises and talking things through. It doesn’t sound like that’s happening much. OR you try to talk and your husband is dismissive. That’s not the kind of communication that I see working. You guys need counseling.

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