- 8 years ago
My parents have never been the type to give out money freely. I’ve had a job since I was fifteen, because they (rightly) thought it would teach me to be financially responsible. My brother started mowing lawns and caddying at the country club up the way at like age 11. He’s even more responsible, hehe. College was paid for on loans, not gifts, from mom and dad.
Part of it is their own frugal nature, part is that they don’t have a crazy excess of money to be giving out. So when J and I started talking marriage… well, I wasn’t expecting much.
A few years ago, I was talking marriage with someone else, in a relationship that ended badly (and in retrospect WENT badly for 3 of the 3 1/2 years it lasted). My parents were never happy with him or the relationship, and constantly criticised it in passive aggressive ways.
So I was definitely nervous to tell them J and I were getting serious, especially so soon (we were good friends for 8 years before we started dating, and are in a distance relationship; thus planning before he gives me a ring). In an effort to be honest and up front with them, I told them every thing early on — not exactly characterisitic of our relationship over the years. A few weeks later I approached them again, and asked, hesitantly and knowing it was bold and against the ‘rules’ of etiquette, if they would consider contributing to my wedding, since I am their only daughter, and traditionally it would be their responsibility to pay.
I gave them a few weeks to discuss it, said a prayer, and kept my hopes low.
Last time we talked, they told me they’ve discussed it and gave me a figure — TWICE what I was expecting! As a planner, I’d already begun finding ways to cut costs and prioritizing to figure out where we could do without… we’re still probably, technically speaking, in the ‘low budget’ range, but I was left speechless by my parents’ generosity.
In a family where money has always been a big deal, I hate to admit it, but I really do feel loved when my parents are generous with something for once!