Post # 1
Basically, my parents told me at the beginning of our engagement that they wanted to pay for the wedding and approved my budget/told me to start signing contracts. It is tradition in our family, though I am contributing substantially. Well, I found out today that they won’t be contributing anything. I should have known as we are now 3 months away from the date and they still wouldn’t commit to a number or write a check.
My aunt stepped in today and told me that she would be contributing most of what they commited to pay. It is incredibly generous of her, and I am extremely grateful. At this point, I would have had to cancel the wedding. We have been very close for my entire life and she has often bailed my parents out of financial situations. I feel like my parents were expecting her to step in. But anyways.
While I will use the traditional wording on the invitation – “Mr and Mrs. bride’s father request the honour of your presence…” I’d like to make it clear that my aunt is hosting the reception. I want to acknowledge her contribution. What wording should I use to do this?
Post # 3
@MlleDarcy: I’m sure the etiquette snobs (LOL) will weigh on on this, but the only way I can think of is to use separate invitations for the wedding and reception. The wedding invitation can be as you suggested, and a reception invitation as follows:
requests the pleasure of your company
at a reception celebrating
the marriage of her niece
Mr. Steven John Smith
The Sheraton Hotel
RSVP: 30th September 2010
Phone: (02) 9495 6520
Address: 15 Kardella Street
Kardella NSW 2001
Post # 4
@julies1949: i would suggest a version similar to this as well.
@MlleDarcy: it was so nice of your aunt to step up and offer to pay. i am sure that she will be very grateful to have her name included on the invite but you may want to ask her what she wants first.
Post # 5
@julies1949: Ah, so possibly the reception card would have to be completely separate? That makes sense.
Hopefully an etiquette snob can weigh in on this. Is there any way to include it with my invitation suite?
Post # 6
the traditional wording has to do with who’s hosting, so if you want traditional wording how about:
Mrs Mile’s aunt
requests the honor of your presence at the wedding of
miledarcy’s mom and dad
Post # 7
@mypinkshoes: I have spoken with her about it breifly and while she normally prefers to give in silence, she was excited about being acknowledged. She’s done a lot for my family and has rarely been acknowledged. I believe in giving credit where credit is due.
Post # 8
@bebero: I know that that is the correct wording, but sending invitations like that would publicly humiliate my parents. And as upset as I am, I was hoping to avoid that. I was trying to think of it as my parents hosting the ceremony and my aunt hosting the reception. They are at different venues.
Post # 9
I would do it this way — it’s simple, and it gets youre point across. I don’t think there’s a need for separate invitations. She is hosting the event, so she’s the one inviting people to the whole thing — ceremony and reception both.
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@MlleDarcy: I agree that a separate reception card would be appropriate. When you order your invitations, you just need an additional reception card which is usually smaller than the invitation but it could also be a sheet in the folio if you do pocket folds.
Post # 11
My aunt said that my parents said they’d try to give me $1000 or so the month of my wedding. I’m not at all counting on it, but I am factoring it in to my decision so I don’t feel comfortable sending invitations that represent my aunt hosting the entire wedding.
Post # 12
@beachbride1216: I was planning on a separate reception card anyways, so I thought it would be the easiest solution. Thanks for your input.
Post # 13
@julies1949: No need for us Etiquette Snobs to chime in: you nailed it. Well, almost:
@MlleDarcy: if your surname is different from your Aunt’s surname, then your surname goes on the reception invitation. Your ceremony invitation should read “request the honour of the presence of ….” instead of “the pleasure of the company of” which is correct for a reception.
Choose now whether to have double envelopes or not: if you have double envelopes you can get away with saying “request the honour of your presence” and “request the pleasure of your company” as noted by julies1949, because the names of the guests can be written on the inner envelopes. If no inner envelope you need an extra blank line, so:
requests the pleasure of the company of
at a reception celebrating
Sticklers will argue that “Formal Dress” should not be used as guests can infer that from the formality of the invitation; and that the R.s.v.p. date should be omitted because guests know that they are obliged to reply immediately to any social invitation. Serious sticklers will feel guilty for allowing the “R.s.v.p.” line at all for the same reason. As you can see, sticklers are prone to wishful thinking.
It isn’t just about giving credit, but also about taking responsibility. Guests have a right to know, before they trust their safety and comfort to some hostess, just who their hostess really is. The reason you use “requests the honour of your presence” for a public ceremony like a church service, is that the officiant is the true host. The parents who are “requesting” are really only giving notice to their friends about an event taking place, that the friends already have a right to attend. This two-card solution is most properly accurate without humiliating anyone.
Post # 14
@aspasia475: I’m using boxes. And I’m sorry, but I didn’t quite catch it in your post – do I need to send the invitation to the reception separately? Or can I include it in the box with the rest of my suite, perhaps in a different envelope? I’m sorry if I’m being dense. I’m honestly just worried about it being confusing to our small guest list, who will expect my wedding to be paid for in entirety by my parents. I didn’t want to highlight it more than I have to.
Post # 15
Why don’t you do
mr and mrs x
request the honor of your presence….
Post # 16
@MlleDarcy: Absolutely, include it in the box with the rest of your suite. If it is in its own envelope inside the box, then that envelope counts as an “inner envelope” for the purpose of writing the guests’ names.
1) I would be inclined to use the same style and stationery for both invitations, and put them both in the same inner envelope. A formal traditional invitation is written on a folded heavy-paper letter sheet printed on the front only, but many modern invitations are written on an unfolded single card. Since there are two invitations, I would be inclined to use the two unfolded single cards to minimize the sense of “too much paper”.
2) Or, if you want to minimize the remotest embarrassment to your parents, put the ceremony invitation on the full-size folded sheet, and the reception invitation on a matching half-size unfolded card (there might be a “reception card” in your suite that you could use for this second invitation. Use the write-in line on the ceremony invitation, and just use the “your” wording on the reception card. That’s likely to be least confusing to your guests, since people are used to getting a separate reception card along with the ceremony invitation.
3) Indian and Chinese weddings often use the folded heavy-paper letter sheet, but with the printing on the inside of the fold: English wording on one side, and Indian or Chinese wording on the other side. A third option would be for you to follow that model, and write the ceremony invitation on one side and the reception invitation on the other side.
I am on your Auntie’s side on this one: I think she should get full and equal credit because she is gracious and generous. But I think your heart is in the right place to show respect to your parents, and I get it that your Auntie is on your side and supports your good instincts. So while I would vote for option 1) for myself, I think your best option is number 2).