wording help (telling family that extra people can't come)

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
44 posts
Newbee

You’ve already had to cut other people that are close to you that would also LOVE to celebrate with you. It would not be fair to invite her sisters when others  that you care about are being cut. I would just tell her you both have spoken about it and decided there is no room and end the discussion at that. It is your wedding, your guest list, not hers. Please don’t let her guilt you into it. 

Post # 4
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t care who she wants to invite or budget or who you already cut. If they weren’t considered before invitations went out, they’re not invited. Period! 

Post # 5
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

I guess you already know you’re going to get grief for this because of the guilting… but you have to stick by your original answer that you have already cut back.

Post # 6
Member
2400 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@vorpalette:  This is your FI’s stepmom, you’re off the hook.  His family, his responsibility.  She probably asked you intentionally because she knew that you wouldn’t know the family relationship and would be more inclined to let her have her way to make a good impression.  If any of his family come to you asking these types of questions just tell them that your fiance is handling all the invitations for his side of the family and they’re welcome to contact him.

Post # 8
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree, finance should deal with it.  I assume he gave dad/SM a number of invites/asked for list, whatever.   He needs to tell her, listen I am sorry, but the number we gave you is what it is.

Post # 9
Member
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

‘fi and i have talked it over, and unfortunately we are not able to extend an invite to x, y and z. I’m sure you realise how difficult compiling a guest list can be, and we appreciate your understanding.’

you don’t owe her an explanation and she’s only going to make an excuse for whatever one you do give her – so just don’t justify it to her. keep repeating that the guest list was made months ago, and that you’re simply not able to invite them. 

 

Post # 11
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

The invites are out. The list is final. End of discussion. Polite, but firm.

If she keeps pressing you…we have a great system: my family, my problem, his family, his problem 😀

Post # 12
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Stick to your guns and don’t invite them, If it’s easier, you could tell her that the venue has a max capacity. That way it isn’t an issue of her paying or not paying. It’s just a no-room issue. But I get the impression that you’re a girl who has lots of backbone and doesn’t need to make excuses.

Post # 13
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree with some previous posters that you should have your FI handle it.  I’m sorry this is happening to you.  I know how annoying and uncomfortable being in this position is.  If you have to handel it instead of your FI I would either tell her you’ve reacher capacity at your venue, or that the invites are already made or sent and the guest list is set in stone.  If she gets upset with you I would just say something like what you said in your original post,”I’m sorry, but we’ve already had to cut people that mean a lot to us and we want it to be a small, intmate wedding with everyone that means the most to us.”  Also, I see that your wedding date is coming up quickly.  I think it’s ridiculous of her to be asking this now!  If she really wanted them there she should have asked you a long time ago and not a couple of weeks before the wedding.  Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
460 posts
Helper bee

Ask her to consult with her husband who from HIS family he would like cut from the list to make room. And let her know THEY will need to make those phone calls. 

Post # 16
Member
2581 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

@vorpalette:  That’s a good response – clear, to the point and polite!

I hope she lets it drop now!

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