- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Now before I start, I want to say I have NO issue with giving money as a wedding gift. Its easy for me to do and I know its only being asked for as its needed (in this case the couple just built a house and are planning on moving in after the wedding and the money will more than likely pay for things like putting down retic and a lawn)
We got the invite and inside was a little note with a poem (havent got it on me as I am at work, I was just thinking about it an decided to post). Poem was fine except for the last line that said 'but if it is a gift you have bought, please be assured we love the thought'
For some reason it really got under my skin! Telling someone you 'love the thought' is like saying 'well, I didnt ask for it, but I dont want to be rude so I will accept your gift anyway'... am I being a bit silly here? By all means let me know if I am! I just cant help feeling like its a bit rude. What if someone already bought them something knowing the wedding was coming up? If I did I would feel really bad knowing I got them something they dont want.
I think any request asking for money is rude, in rhyming form or not. I've seen ones like you've got too that have some kind of "but if you give us something else that's totally fine" disclaimer at the end. So I don't think you're being silly for being put out.
We got money as gifts from a lot of people without asking for it, so I maintain that people will give cash if they want and you don't have to go so far as to ask :)
Umm I feel exactly the opposite. To say you'd only like money and leaving those screwed who bought gifts is far worse IMO.
ugh these cutesy begging poems are so GROSS, why does anyone do them?
I agree with you about that last line. I agree with vmec that it's not *quite* as bad as putting "monetary gifts only," but it CERTAINLY implies that a physical gift is second-best.
Yuck, yuck, yuck.
I think any reference to any potential gift, monetary or other on a wedding invitation is kind of rude.
I did this for my SIL's bridal shower. We were in Europe and picked up a shower gift that we really thought she'd love from the Louvre, but her shower invite came with "any donations to the bride and groom's cash tree would be much appreciated", which I followed up with her about, and she told me she didn't want people "filling her house with junk"... so I kept it, and felt really annoyed that I had to shell out twice for a gift, since I couldn't exactly fly back to Paris...
I second that. I don't think you can really have control over gifts or money. You get what you get, and you should just appreciate what you do get.
That said, I would DIE if we got money for our honeymoon instead of kitchen gadgets!
Any mention of a gift in the invitation makes me wonder if it's me or my gift they are inviting to the wedding. I think it's ok to put info on your wedsite or tell your mom that if people ask what you really need is cash, but you are registered at XYZ. People who try to dictate gifts to me usually end up with a lovely card and nothing else. :D
I don't think you're being silly at all! Asking for money is rude - it doesn't matter if it was through a cutesy poem or not. Also, it's rude and tacky to include anything about gifts with the invite.
I personally believe asking for money is rude --- if you want a cash gift, you should have a limited registry and have your parents and FILs hint that money would be more appreciated for X ("Jane and John are saving to buy a house.."). The only thing I hate more than people asking for money is those"cute" poems, which really get under my skin.
That being said -- I think it's a cultural thing. From other Bees on here, I think they are quite common in Australia and some other areas (please correct me if I'm wrong! It's just the impression I got!).
Yeah, trying to control what gifts people are getting for you is very rude. It comes across as not being thankful for the important things in life, such as having people you love to invite to your wedding and people loving you enough to show up. To me, their presence is far more important than their presents.
@abbie017: Giving money at a weddng is common in Australia (which is why I have no issues in giving it) it was more the way it was worded that put me off.
@Bears-bub: Right -- I thought the poem itself was an Australian thing. The only Bees I've seen posting about them a lot were from there (or living there/getting married there I guess is a better statement). But who knows! Unchartered waters!
@abbie017: It's a pretty big country, I am sure in some circles its more than ok. I guess I come from one where people are generally more subtle ;p
I HATE those poems.
However, in Holland they also have a way of asking for money which is.. well, at least less iritating than a poem. Basically somewhere onthe invitation, there is a teeny tiny little picture of an envelope (so small it could be nail art). It's understood that this means the couple wants cash (and isn't frowned upon)
@SapphireSun: what about the very common "in lieu of gifts" request for funerals? Or is it only when it's for weddings that it's offensive?
It is a very common thing in Australia. I'm personally not going to do it - I know that people who want to give money will and we want to give an option of a gift registry because I haven't always been able to afford to give a gift more than a certain amount - like $50 for example - and I always felt embarressed putting a small amount in a card.
Anyway...to answer the OP's question I do think it's rude to put that last statement in - I think it's ok to ask for money [Australian etiquette again] but they have already written the poem there is no need to make it sound that way in the end. I just would have left it off. But i'm sure they didn't mean for it to sound that way...were just trying to make it sound like it was ok to do what you wanted - they just didn;t phrase it well :-)
@Bears-bub: True, true! I guess I forget that it's such a huge place! Like I said, I'm not a fan of them either, just trying to be open minded about other ideas and cultures, haha.
@redband: That's a really interesting idea! I like that!
Super rude. I'd honestly rather see someone write on an invitation, "hey, we don't need anything but cash," than "oh, if you bought us a gift.... yeah...we appreciate the thought." WTF?!
We are planning on asking for money too, we don't need house stuff, just a house deposit!
I'm yet to find a poem or way of asking that I like. I plan to put something on our website about it and ask our parents to spread the word.
You will likely get chewed out on WB about asking for money. Personally I think people don't really care much these days about being asked for a monetary gift. People are going to get you a gift anyway, and they want to get you something you want, so you may as well make it simple for them.
This poem doesn't say 'gift' or 'money'.
Soon you will hear our wedding bell,
As Friends and family wish us well.
Our household thoughts are not brand new,
We have twice the things we need for two.
Since we have our share of dishes and bedding,
We're having instead a wishing well wedding.
But more important we ask of you,
your prayers of love and blessings too!
I think I'll use this one, short and sweet, and not presuming you are expecting gifts:
"If you were thinking of giving a gift, to help us on our way.
A gift of cash towards our house, would really make our day."
I know a lot of you are against it, but here in Scotland it is not a bad thing and people would rather give you money towards something you want than buy gifts that will sit in a cupboard or be returned.
I wrote this poem and printed them on little business sized pieces of card and slotted them into our invites. Everyone that has received them have commented on how lovely it was and no-one has passed on any negative views of it at all. It definately is a difference in cultures and what people believe to be best etiquette. But like i say, mine went down well amongst all family and friends.
Hope this helps.
Here it is:
More than just kisses so far we have shared, our home has been made with love and with care.
Most things we need we've already got, and in our small home we now can't fit a lot.
Our next wish once husband and wife, is to buy a house and enjoy married life.
We can't wait to see you on our wedding day, to enjoy all the special moments and party away!
But please, only IF you wish to participate, a donation of money would be ever so great.
And when we are sat in our home so new, we can look back and say it was all thanks to you.
With love, the soon to be Mr & Mrs.
I've posted on this before, and don't think it's rude to ask for cash... but to use a poem? *bleurgh*. What about this invite:
A and B kindly request no gifts. However, should you wish to offer your congratulations to the couple by providing a gift or a card, a donation towards X and/or Y would be graciously accepted (although by no means mandatory... the pleasure of your company is more than enough!).
One caveat.... if you say that, you have to mean it, and expect that some people will turn up with nothing. If that is what you want, then by all means go ahead! You also have to be prepared that some people will give you gifts, and that's fine too... these gifts should also be received with genuine thanks.
Anyone think I'm way off here?
I mean on our website, where we have our registry, we put, while we did register for some stuff (70 things or so), most of you know, Mr and Mrs Giraffe have been together, own their home, and we would like to have this nice vacay.
@c4char88 I also think your poem is lovely - I also think that letting people know what you want is better than leaving them in the dark.
As for it being rude to ask for money, what about those cultures that give money as presents automatically? Is their whole outlook incorrect?
you know that a lot of cultures actually have money as the wedding presents, In some Indian weddings it is customary to put money strings around the bride and grooms necks, greek tradition shows that money is pinned to their outfits, for Jewish weddings it is normal to give money as a gift, so just because I am not of a certain religion, it doesn't mean that I can't ask for the money instead of having a bunch of stuff I don't need or already have, they don't have to give me it, it's just if they want to.
I love the poems - they are happy
This makes me worried. I'm planning my best friend's shower (I'm MOH) and she wants to have an around the clock shower because it's cute, relatively unique and it's a good way to get a variety of presents instead of stuff under a kitchen theme or a spa theme (hey, it's the truth). She asked me to write a poem that explained how an around the clock shower worked, but now I'm afraid it sounds kind of gift grabby. She loved the one I came up with, but now I'm second guessing it...what do y'all think:
Tick-tock! Tick-tock! Tick-tick-tock!
It’s a shower themed around the clock
For (bride's name), soon to wed
“Wait…a clock? What’s that you said?”
At the end of this little rhyme
You, the guest, will see a time
And when you bring a gift to this party in May
Ask: "What will they need at this time of day?"
In the morning a shower she’ll take
Towels and bathroom things work great!
Perhaps for 12, a plate, cup or dish
Might be the bride’s lunchtime wish
And around 7 think of drinks and dinner
Wine glasses, pots and pans are winners!
At 10 pm, well…remember the groom
And pick out something for the bedroom
Get creative, have some fun!
And if there’s a question (or more than one)
Contact Dizbee, at the number below
Let’s celebrate a bride we love and know!
Your time is: then I put down the time
Nothing Wrong with using a poem to express yourself in any way Dizbee, I personally love all poetry, whether it's silly, tacky, profound, deep... I don't really care, it's a great poem so go for it :)
Here in Puerto Rico, asking for money is the norm. People would be more put off by a registry since it would mean driving to the only Macys BB&B or Pottery Barn just to buy the gift.(These stores are all 3 hours away from my hometown)
All of the weddings I have been to have some variation of the following:
There is no better gift that your company on this special day but if you wish to give a present we prefer it be in the form of a monetary donation.
It's not my taste personally. I don't think there's anything wrong with asking for money (I won't do it when it's my turn because my mom would murder me and she'll be the one paying for the wedding...she's big on ettiquite), I just think the poems are kinda silly. But my best friend asked me to and she's hardly asked me to do anything as MOH so I feel like I should.
[comment moderated for name calling] Anyway, I think the poems are horrible.
We didnt actually go with a poem ourselves, though we have received plenty of invitations that include a poem - we have put this in with our invites:
It is your presence not your presents that will make our day special. However if you feel you would like to give us a gift, contributions towards our honeymoon fund would be greatly appreciated.
I personally dont get offended if the bride and groom chose to ask for money. I'd rather bring it than trying to find a gadget gift I know will be stuck in a drawer or linen closet for the next 10 years.
As for the poems, well, it's personal choice. I dont get offended or put off by them, unless they dont have an actual rhyme scheme and can be easily understood.
I really like the presents/presence wording MrsS2b. To be honest, I'd like to be guided on gifts and it makes little to no difference to me (or my bank account) whether the couple I'm buying for would prefer a present or some money. What I have heard of which I think is rude is couples asking for money as an engagement present - that's just not on!
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| rachgirl82 | 39 |
| pengoala | 33 |
| MissBoPeep | 27 |
| Future Army Wife | 20 |
| Beckster329 | 19 |
| couawilou | 16 |
| Sunfire | 16 |
| beargoose | 14 |
 vorpalette |
14 |
| KatNYC2011 | 13 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| kate02121 | 5 |
| andielovesj | 4 |
| abbie017 | 4 |
| kimberlyr22 | 3 |
| Beckster329 | 3 |
| KCKnd2 | 3 |
| UmbrellaMoon | 2 |
| LauraFaye4411 |
2 |
| T-Rex | 2 |
| Otulyssa | 2 |
- genuinely my thoughts on the matter.
