Post # 1
hi bees, sorry if this questions appears elsewhere but i couldn’t find it. i actually have 2 separate questions:
background info: my FI and I decided to grant +1s to those either married, engaged, living together or in a serious relationship (ie. we’ve at least met the person). the bridal party is also getting +1s but cousins, etc. who will know essentially everyone there will not. so:
1. how should the envelope be addressed when we are inviting Mr. & Mrs. _____ and their 3 daughters (2 college aged and one younger). Should it be “Mr. & Mrs. ____ and Family”? Or “The ____ Family”? Or are we supposed to send separate invites to everyone?
2. what does one do in the case where a newly single uncle is invited (we’d like to offer him a guest) but he has 2 kids (one college aged, one younger) we’re also inviting. I’m certain the invite shoudn’t read “Mr. ____ and Guest and Family” Right? Or do we just do “Mr.____ and Family” and privately tell him he may bring a guest?
there are so many options and so many unique situations. help!!
Post # 3
@call_me_ktb: All adults should receive an invitation. So if uncle lives at home with 2 teenage daughters. Then 3 envelopes will be sent to his home. One for him and his guest (and you call him to ask for the guests name, or more strictly her address as well) and then one each for the two cousins.
Post # 4
My understanding is that etiquette (at least currently – I have no idea what the standard would have been 100 years ago) says you send a separate invitation to people over the age of 18, even if they’re living in the same household. Personally, I think this can be adjusted without problem depending on your family’s own conventions. I would not bat an eye at receiving an invitation that was sent to my parents, my siblings, and me all together as a family – in fact, we’ve received invitations like this even after I had moved out and was living with FI. I don’t think it’s a big deal. I’d like to be as economical with paper as possible, so when I send out my invites I might not send a separate one to each adult child still living at home.
So in the first scenario you mentioned, you could send each daughter her own invite, or you could send one to the whole family. You could address the envelope either way you want, or you could even list the kids’ names as part of the address (because you hear stories about people who interpret “family” to mean Uncle Joe and Third Cousin Lucy and the neighbor kid next door…) Or if you don’t want to list all the names on the envelope, I’d be sure to specify somewhere on the RSVP card the name of the people invited or the number of people (i.e. “We have reserved 5 seats in your honor,” or “___ of 5 will attend”).
In the second situation, I wouldn’t write “guest” on the envelope – again, it’s a situation where I think you can use the RSVP card to specify who’s invited, either by writing “Joe Smith and guest, Jane Smith, and Little Timmy Smith,” or by specifying the number of seats reserved.
ETA – I agree with PP that if you can find out the name of the guest you should, but sometimes it’s not possible because he may not actually be with anyone right now and you’re just giving him the option of bringing anyone he wants.
Post # 5
The PPs are correct that adult children should receive their own invitations, separate from their parents.
For your uncle, the outer envelope should be addressed solely to him and the inner envelope should read “Dr. Robert Jones, IV and Guest”
Post # 6
thanks for responding!! i hope to be economical with paper if possible but we’re glad to hear all your opinions. it’s amazing how many questions arise in this process.
we also never thought of indicating “___ of 5 will attend” on the RSVP but i love that idea. i suppose no one that sends out invites believes that anyone they’re inviting would be rude enough to assume they can interpret the invite to mean whatever they want – and yet it happens!
thanks again ladies!