Post # 1
NEVER EVER EVER EVER live with you FMIL when planning a wedding.
My FI and I gave up our entire lives to move in with his mother when she was diagnosed with small cell ling cancer. We moved so she would not loose the house and to help her out in her dailey life. Now ask me if she has stopped smoke. That is right ladies still going strong on her 2 packs a day. She is collecting more than either my FI or I make in disability, partying it up, eating out every meal (she must be the only person to ever gain wieght while being on chemo for 1.5 years), and nickle and diming us for every penny she can get.
I work 2 jobs to make ends meet and I am exhausted at the end of the day after working 14 hours with special needs kids. I get home and sit down to try to unwind so I can get ready to do it all the next day and what does she do? She calls me lazy and a bitch because I don’t come home and clean and make my FI dinner (side note FI would never say any of this or expect any of this from me. How he is so wonderful while having her as a mother is beyond me.)
She is confused as to who is getting married. My parents are paying for most of the wedding yet she thinks the gets to dictate the entire list because he is her only son and only child. (So f-ing what, I am my parents only “me”. Just because I have one other sister and borther does not make my wedding less special for them. )Not happening back off lady. I know this makes me sound like a cold hearted wench, but seriously it is not the Chemo making her a nasty person she was already like this.
I am at my whits end with her. I dont’ have privacy, my FI and I never get to spend time with just the 2 of us, we are under a tremendous amount of stress so we agrue more than necessacy, and and and and to top it all off she refuses to wear pants when she walks around the house (gag!) , but I am stuck
Post # 3
wow…it sounds like you’re living with my mom (minus the rolling around pantsless). can someone say CONTROL FREAK/HATEFUL BITCH? i think you need to find a temporary repreive from her. family can put THE MOST stress on a relationship. trust me – my mom has ended SEVERAL of my relationships bc she’s just straight NUTS. is there any way that you and FI can stay at an extended stay hotel? usually they are like 800/month and you don’t pay utilities, etc. what does your FI say about her calling you names?? mine would flip shit x 10 if his mom ever said that to me (not that she would bc she is THE BEST lady ever…just sayin). if he’s not stepping in and putting that foot down, i’d say it’s time to have a long talk with him. and by long talk with him i mean he better be having an even LONGER talk with her FFS! i would insist that if she isn’t taking her recovery seriously, then you and your FI cannot be expected to tend to her….seriously. either that or just roll a marijuana cig and stick it in one of her (many) packs. it may chill her ass out!
Post # 4
I am very sorry! That must be a very difficult situation. I don’t know how much advice I can give other than maybe never dicuss the wedding in her presence. I also wouldn’t spend much time in common areas. Hopefully the two of you have plans to move out as soon as you’re married? You guys need to get away for couple time. I know that is easier said then done but even just going camping or something might help. (you could always borrow camping gear.)
Hugs * I wish i could help. I will pray for you. If you ever need to talk feel free to PM me 🙂
Post # 5
@ijustrockout: My Fi is amazing he told me that he support me 100% he choose me and loves me and he did not choose her he was stuck with her. When she says those things he looses his mind and I can tell she is not please that she is not number 1 lady in her life.
Post # 6
@secondchances: sadly we will not be able to move out. She is expected to get worse very fast in teh next 6-9 month. This is another frustration of mine she is stealing this time from us. The wedding planning and honeymoon phase are supposed to be this great time and she is putting a damper on it . I mean yes there is the idea that I let her damper as much or as little as possible and the importatn thing is that I am married to the most wonderful man I know, but seriously I will never be able to get this time back. I just want to be 27 and live like I am. I don’t want to look back at this time 10 years and 3 kids from now and still resent her.
Post # 7
@sbharkness83: I understand. I wouldn’t want to look back and resent her either. As someone who has done hospice her whole life can I ask what her life expectancy is?
I wish I could solve this problem for you. I too wish you didn’t have to deal with this at such an important time. My prayer for you guys is that having to go through this struggle early in your marriage that it strengthens your bond. Stay strong for each other. This must be a stressful time for your FH too.